No more wearing for me.

[lockedsteve]

Autocorrect. Sorry about that. I've just edited my previous response.

Unfortunately she's not so concerned about an emergency sinse I do have access to the keys if necessary. She's more concerned about long term health effects creeping in over the years possibly without my even noticing it.

Here is some more manipulation to try. I always tell my wife how comfy my device is and how good it makes me feel. All true. I also make it a point to tell her that that I am so used to it that without it I feel naked. My wife had all the same concerns and even that lack of orgasm would up my risk of prostate cancer. I send her some articles about that and told her that if she was still concerned she could always give me ruined orgasms which she usually does once a month or so.

As for the painful part, she went from being concerned about that to having me order a much smaller cage so that I could not even get erect. She knows that if I am real pain, I will tell her and she will let me out so there is no problem in that area. The guilt was the big thing. My wife felt very guilty for locking me up. Now she would not have it any other way. Communicate. I always communicate with my wife and any woman I have sex with. I let them know what I like and how I feel about things. It helps a lot because many people hide their thoughts and feelings unless you probe. Once again, good luck.

[TwistedMister]

All I did was exaggerate things...Manipulation is not a bad thing. How you do it and its affects on others make it good or bad.

Interesting viewpoint, and I suppose that there might be some truth in saying that we all use some means of manipulating other people from time to time (some more than others). In fact, manipulation is one of the very first thing a baby (that has no speech) learns- if it is hungry or needs to be changed, it wails and someone comes to fix the issue. This begins long before the child has the faculties to be conscious/aware of his behavior and its effects. Some children go on to develop this into a fine art, much to the dismay of the parents.

There is also an industry built around manipulation and teaching people how to intentionally manipulate others- particularly in the area of inducing ones target(s) to buy products and/or services. They call it "selling", and one can buy books and attend seminars to learn some of the various techniques.

"Good" or "bad" to me depends on the intent, and the degree of dishonesty one uses (or doesn't use).

When she said that she did not want me locked, I was not a nice husband. She soon saw the difference and wanted me locked again. A little acting worked for me. Maybe not nice, but it worked and she has benefited from it.

I think that the major issue that some people are having with the characterization of your manipulation lies in the quote above. The statement makes it appear that you were being intentionally unkind to your partner and, to many people, this behavior crosses a line that should not be crossed. It may be seen as intentionally inflicting distress on one's partner, and is not considered an 'appropriate' behavior. We all may say or do things from time to time that cause distress to our partners, but doing so with premeditated intent is generally not seen as 'acceptable'. Some might even see it as 'abuse'.

[lockedsteve]

You have no basis to determine what not nice is compared to nice and yet you make a lot of assumptions. My wife prefers women so to her, being nice is not asking for sex, being more feminine, wearing panties and a bra when she wants me to assist her with her orgasm, not saying a word during sex so I do not disturb her fantasy of being with her girlfriend and being submissive when I am not naturally submissive. That is the "nice husband" I am when in chastity. So tell me again how I am abusing her by not being nice.

If you want to analyze something without really knowing enough to be able to do so, you can have a field day analyzing why I am still married almost 50 years to a woman who does not permit intercourse (and has not for most of our marriage), rarely performs or accepts oral and let's me know that she does not need me for her sexual fulfillment. There is actually several good reason why we are still together, in love and why her sexual preferences do not bother me but if you want to weigh in with your analysis of our marriage, I would like to hear it. I do like lively discussions so do not take this as anything more than that. I am not offended just amused. How many men in chastity that have wives that are only being the KH to please their husbands do you think there are? Are their husbands' abusing their wives by manipulating their love for them. How about woman that do not like oral but do it because their husband wants it? Interesting to think about what is abusive and manipulation. Good discussion.

[TwistedMister]

You have no basis to determine what not nice is compared to nice and yet [/b]you make a lot of assumptions...So tell me again how I am abusing her by not being nice...If you want to analyze something without really knowing enough to be able to do so...if you want to weigh in with your analysis of our marriage...I am not offended just amused...

For someone who claims to not be offended, you are certainly being accusatory and offensive in response. Since you brought up "without...knowing enough", I suggest you take a remedial course in Reading & Comprehension, because at no time did I attempt to analyze your marriage or make any assumptions about it, nor did I accuse you of being abusive. You drew a negatively biased response and I merely illustrated how the words that you used to describe your behavior might be interpreted in a negative manner and might cause others to draw such negative conclusions.

Beyond that, I simply acknowledged that manipulative behavior is ingrained since birth and is exceedingly commonly practiced whether people realize it or not.

[sherulestherooster]

In an attempt to get back to the question posed by the OP, I am in a similar situation. My wife just isn't that into locking me. We play quite a bit with CBT, so I don't think it's because of medical or comfort reasons for me. We have both enjoyed times when I'm locked, also. I suspect that the main reason is that she really does enjoy my erections - even (or perhaps because) they rarely advanced to orgasm. The last time she mentioned locking me up it was more as a punishment than a kink.

I have self-locked a few times when we have been separated for a day or so, because I do like the feeling of being locked, but it certainly is not the same without her holding a key and teasing me. It certainly is possible that we could start locking me up again, but it doesn't seem likely as of now. But she is in full control of my orgasms, and we both enjoy that.