Honor Sysytem is Tough!!!

[wishful4]

Staying chaste on the honor system is really tougher than I thought. I'm going on four weeks now. We jointly came up with a chastity agreement that states she is in full control of my orgasms. I made a committment to remain chaste for her until my new MM device arrives. Our agreement says that she may allow me to stroke myself from time to time while I'm unlocked, but I have to stop short of ejaculation. Stroking is all I think about, but it really just seems to make matters worse. Afterwards, I am so horny and frustrated. I think it will be better when my device arrives. Maybe all this energy can be directed in a more productive way since I will not be able to stroke myself.

[CuriousDud]

The honor system wouldn't work for me. I don't even trust myself.

[Scarlett's]

I wonder if anyone can compare the honor system versus being locked up. Assuming no cheating either way, do you get as horny when denial comes without a cage as it does when incarcerated?

[fuzzydunlop]

It depends on what you are looking for. If handing over control is very important to you, then maybe a chastity device is a really important symbol and super hot. My spouse thinks chastity devices can be fun, but I don't think she obsesses about them as much as I do. But I supose that any device is always going to involve the honor system too, because all devices have some weakness. I think she likes the idea that I willfully sacrifice orgasms and submit to try to achieve something better. For me, working together on the honor system seems to be bring us together---when she gets into it, she has fun, and I really don't want to let her down. Other acts of submission and mental games help re-enforce the honor system for us.

[kpb57]

IMO a physical device and a physical key involves the partner more. The honor system is mainly done by the man, the device and key bind both.
I also always feel the proof of how much interest my wife takes in my sexuality.
It is like a soft, but permanent grip.

K

[Tom Allen]

In some of the BDSM web boards, about once a month or so there will be an argument over which is "better".

Some people claim that self-control is better because it exemplifies the lockee's submission to his/her dom partner. "I don't believe in chastity devices because if I tell my slave not to touch himself, then my will alone should be enough." And for some people, this works.

Others (and I'm in this camp) enjoy the lack of choice entailed by using a device. As Mrs. Edge would say, "Why would I even allow you the temptation? If I have the key, then I have *all* of the control, no question about it." And for some people, this works, too.

[fuzzydunlop]

I love chastity devices, and turning over control is sexy, but that is only one aspect of orgasm avoidance for us. We both see the benefits of longterm denial, regardless of which one of us is in "control". Some spouses might love total control while otjhers might view it as an aspect to play with sometimes. For us, we talk about our goals and have good communication when we are on a good chastity streak. The thought of letting both of us down or the thought of having a lonely orgasm are some of the things that keep me "honest". I don't agree that the spouse is not involved in the honor system-it depends on communication and role playing. I'd rather have the honor system and a open communication than a reluctant 24/7 key holder, but that is me. For us, longterm denial streaks are more important than "control" albeit that control is one aspect of chastity for us.

[fuzzydunlop]

Mild crossdressing has frequently been part of our play. If my wife asks me to wear some soft PJs and underwear to bed with her, and a feeling of desire to snuggle with her intensely all night washes over me (rather than sneak off for "relief"), who is exercising control if I comply? No device mind you.

[Scarlett's]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses to my question about the relative horniness of locked versus honor system. I am particularly struck by the observation that chastity requires control of some sort on both sides of the denial diad. My wife has trouble assuming total control and I have difficulty not topping from the bottom. Nonetheless, we can and do enjoy the benefits of denial and the avoidance of the solo orgasm even without a chastity device and complete transfer of power.

[fuzzydunlop]

Giving up "total control" is always going to involve some element of role playing, symbolism and illusion because no system is totally unbeatable, so it is not a perfect dichotomy. Psychological contol matter too beyond physical contol. My wife certainly has felt control with no device, and has appreciated my efforts to discipline myself and submit to her wishes with no device. We like devices some of the time---I don't think I would have tried sleeping in one until she asked me too. We just use them as one element of play.