Simply, why?

[KHEmmi]

@waki86 said "For us it works best for both of us that I don't come."

As I've already written, I am arriving at the same conclusion.

I still have to ask one question though: why?

Interested to know what anyone thinks about why longer term denial works so well.
Apart from the obvious of course.

Thought I'd open this as a topic rather than bury it in my journal thread.

[Chosen_Jackal]

This is a very interesting question and I’ve thought about this a lot.
I’m not entirely sure if I’ve arrived at the right reason yet, but I have some ideas.

First of all it’s the drop that comes after my full orgasms. I notice that I get less attentive and energized after an orgasm. So thats both a physical and mental reason against orgasming.
But I’m more interested in why denial is positive instead of the negative side effects of orgasming.
By being denied long term I can feel my energy levels and affection for Red, my key holder, dramatically increase.
She’s the sole focus of my sexual and romantic interests.
I was never a big consumer of porn in the first place, but even the idea of looking at it now feels completely meaningless to me.

I’m also of the opinion that the physical pleasure I get from regular edgings, playing with other parts of my body, and just staying aroused over time is much better than having an orgasm.
Sure it’s more intense for four or five seconds, but then it’s over. And it takes weeks to get back to where I’m at right now.
I can feel it in my entire body, a low deep buzzing that is always there at the back of my mind.

Do I want to cum? Yes! Often!
But I want even more to stay in this state and leave the decision entirely up to Red.
If she decides I should get to orgasm then it feels meaningful and so much better.

[KnownAsHerbert]

That's a good answer.

I know about the 'drop'. Not sure how I'd describe it but I suppose I feel cranky, unsatisfied, ungrateful and almost miserable until it wears off.

Agree about the porn. No interest here.

Also agree about wanting to cum. Often. As you say. Like today. Now! Right now! (Yes, I'm at that stage)

But the 'staying aroused over time' is hard to beat, despite the intensity of wanting release.

[Chosen_Jackal]

And my experience is that when I do finally get to cum it rarely lives up to the expectations I’ve built up in my head.

I am curious to hear what the key holders feel are the benefits of this. I have some ideas but it’s always interesting to hear it from those who hold the power so to speak.

[Tongue+groove]

Interesting timing on this question for me. Due to the last month of events I have come to the conclusion that we have gotten off track with chastity. There has to be balance.

Her last three weeks of transition to retirement and training her replacement completely consumed her. I did nothing to interfere and that may have actually been a mistake. I should have been even more attentive to her. She was always so exhausted and I gave her some space. As a result she got into a lock it and forget about it situation and I ended up in a self locking situation. We lost focus without knowing it.

Fast forward and the last 4 or five days have been a whirlwind of life’s events. Yesterday came to a head with a long stressful day. When we finally get to bed she asked that I rub her back. I so enjoyed doing this for her. Listening to her moans, feeling her stretching. She’s almost asleep and she says “I know your still tense and won’t sleep well, why don’t you relieve yourself.” I must admit it was good idea but I needed her permission.

It felt good to stretch, change my mind set and release all the tension in one wild spurt like I haven’t had in ages. Afterwards She commented that she enjoyed listening to me. That made me horney again. She asked if I needed another round. I said it sounded tempting but that I was in a good place at the moment. I slept great and this morning I am not feeling the dreaded drop. Her comments were so arousing and made more difference than I realized.

So I go back to there has to be balance. Every relationship chastity or not has to have balance, which requires communication. I don’t know that long term lockups work for us. It seems there is a sweet spot, at least for us. I hope we get to set and talk today.

I have been unlocked for several days now. I need her to take back control. I need to feel the drive to take better care of her. I also need her to keep me looking forward to what the future holds. We need to maintain our sweet spot together.

Sorry this was lengthy. The question just hit an odd time for me.

A balanced relationship makes for a good life.

[MrsLockNkey]

I agree those are the true about alot of men. Men tend to get inattentive cranky uninterested. I feel the longer a man is locked up the more a hot cum intensify. I love the eager to please me, the more sexual attention. There is something about having the control in how and when he cums drives me nuts!

[KnownAsHerbert]

I agree those are the true about alot of men. Men tend to get inattentive cranky uninterested. I feel the longer a man is locked up the more a hot cum intensify. I love the eager to please me, the more sexual attention. There is something about having the control in how and when he cums drives me nuts!

For some reason reading this got me unexpectedly hard.
Unfortunate when I'm wearing the smallest, tightest little cage in our collection.

[MrsLockNkey]

The smaller the cage the better...we have a very small cage coming in the mail.

[denied_one]

I definitely took note of @waki86 saying that, in your journey @KHEmmi.

It is a very strong statement.

It indicates a certain "togetherness" not only in the decision "that I don't come"

but in the shared experience "for us it works best" further "for both of us"

Why is it better for him not to come?

There are the obvious "drop" answers (I had no idea what any drop was until I totally and completely stopped masturbating and then indulged a few times with @MrsLockNkey's allowance)

@Tongue+groove hit on a big one when He said this

I need to feel the drive to take better care of her. I also need her to keep me looking forward to what the future holds.

This resonates with me in that, in the past, when my Wife and i would "end a chastity session" in lieu of "vanilla" for a time, I would find myself missing "that certain" intimacy that chastity enhances.I would find myself not being as attentive. I would find myself missing Her direction. I would find myself really really desiring the "strict version" of Her. The chastity persona, if you will.

But I only can speak for my answer as to why?

@MrsLockNkey and I are arriving at the same conclusion. That it is better for both of us if I don't come.

It's clear to many that i take chastity seemingly from an embattled standpoint.

It is because for me, as I am learning for lots of other guys as well, chastity and long term denial is an absolute roller-coaster, with so many twists and turns, and I know ultimately my "job" is to "be as nice as possible"

I have so many mood swings, that we have tried to "walk away" from the cage, only to return within months...or weeks in some instances.

It is that addictive.

i really enjoy the leaking. @MrsLockNkey has interrupted my masturbating and coming "habits" so much so that I leak like a sieve.

She is very keen on me edging, but not coming, because She says "the orgasm is in the edging up to the ejaculating, the ejaculation is the response, not the orgasm itself"

She is also keen on pegging me.

Now that my self-pleasure habits have been seriously eliminated, I am able to be "milked" very easily. Which we have tried twice with success and leave me very frustrated and "ready" still

So what we will be doing going forward won't be so much as long lock ups, @MrsLockNkey loves to make use of the contents. She however is very keen on erection control...very keen to control when i am able to get hard. So the cage gets plenty of use

She will milk me with this little prostate massager toy, when She decides and allow me to cum whenever She decides and allow me to masturbate and edge whenever She decides. The cage will stay on indefinitely, as in the "norm" (out for cage cleaning and shaving as needed).

The fact that i will be allowed to ask if I may masturbate (even with a possible answer of "no") seems like it will scratch "that stroking itch" for me. Even with the knowledge that it won't end in a come unless She decides, if She allows it to happen at all.

Sorry for the very long post. I am really trying for substance as well as answer the question totally as to, simply Why?

Why is it better for the man not to come?

[MrsLockNkey]

Very well put baby