Rules of engagement

[Ruined1]

As I am trying to figure all this out in RL, since introducing OD and chastity last fall, I was looking into rules.
A forum search didn’t bring up something useful from the last two years, so I thought I start a discussion.

I see many sites laying down rules, and most seem fantasy/impractical, while the general concept does make sense to me.

How do you see it?

• (Full) Orgasm allowed yes/no (frequency)
  Spills (minimized/ruined orgasms) yes/no (frequency)
  Has to eat own cum (that seems to constantly pop up, my wife is bewildered by the apparent fascination/determination to that)
  PIV allowed yes/no
  Touching own genitals (masturbation) allowed yes/no supervised/
  Pegging (as training/prerequisite)
  Keeping a diary of your spills

This list isn’t complete, but already raises so many question marks.
We still have to figure out what to do with PIV (or PIA for that matter). My wife loves to be penetrated by me, a dildo doesn’t feel the same, but I feel it is too much of a privilege to enjoy too often. Handjobs is what I feel is what I should get most often, and even then not all the time full strokes...

Any hints on how to handle this better or more structured than ‘playing by ear’?

[slave d]

In the end you actually will end up playing it by ear to find what works best for you. You will also find that changes over time. For example we are at a point where i am not allowed an orgasm at all, i am locked 24/7/365, i get teased regularly when MsM washes Her cock (usually 3 times a week when She’s having a bath, She always takes me to the point where i am leaking Her seed), i never have PIV and MsM uses a dildo (much much bigger than me) and a strap on that i wear for Her to have multiple orgasms multiple times a week. Prior to my chastity She was lucky to orgasm more than a couple of times a year. The point i would make though is we’ve been on this journey now for over 5 years, we have been married 45 years this year and in the 5 years things have changed hugely. That’s what’s part of the fun, the communication needed so your key holder slowly comes to understand what you think you want what you actually need and ditto for herself. i would say come up with a mutually acceptable set of starter rules and play the game !! i would suggest that you be made to create some form of diary and report system for your keyholder so you can show your thinking without confrontation. Your keyholder does not of course have to do anything you suggest, just acknowledge that you said it !! Have fun !!

[TwistedMister]

In the beginning, I made up a whole crapload of rules. I think Mrs. Twisted was overwhelmed by the list, and didn't read/understand all of it.

So, a lot of our 'play' is not quite so formally structured. Because I am attracted to a certain element of 'unknown', in the beginning I devised an elaborate set of procedures using playing cards drawn from a deck to establish a defined 'Period of Service'...the catch was that I would not see the cards drawn, which provided Mrs. Twisted the opportunity to 'lie' and set any period she desired. In actual practice, the method was only used once, and now she simply tells me what the initial period is going to be. However, during our last session I did propose an 'official' 'Rule', which she accepted- this Rule allows her (if she wishes) to extend the 'Period of Service' by assigning 'Penalty Months' for any emission of semen. Any 'leakage' such as during edging, which does not involve an actual orgasm, may be penalized by adding one additional month. A 'ruined' orgasm may be penalized by two months, and a full orgasm by three months. She is not 'required' to impose these penalties, but may do so if she wishes, which basically gives her the freedom to extend the 'Game' indefinitely.

Our [mostly] unwritten Rules have devolved to, once the cage goes on she decides what, when and how any sexual activity will occur. I can expect to be denied orgasm for a minimum of one month, up to a maximum of three months (I have a 'Hard Limit' of three months). I am 'required' to perform, participate in, or be subject to any sexual/semi-sexual/fetish activities she desires (except for some 'hard Limits' involving blood, knives, needles, etc., two sexual acts are prohibited- forcing me to kiss or rim another guy). Mrs. Twisted is free to use any amount of bondage, force, pain or other coercion to compel my participation/performance, any activity not specifically prohibited by my list of 'Hard Limits' is 'on the table', regardless of any desire or lack thereof to participate in such activities. I do not have a 'safeword' to escape from any activities that I may find undesirable, objectionable or otherwise lack the desire to participate in, and she is free to continue to compel my participation regardless of any expressions I might make to indicate that I do not want to participate. (Note: These conditions subject me to the risk that I could be truly forced to participate in sexual activities which I genuinely find undesirable, in which I would not otherwise *willingly* participate, and from which I would choose to escape if such a choice was available to me. These conditions can (and have) put me in the position of being forced to do things that I *really* don't want to do with no 'escape hatch', I find this risk, and reality, erotic. I DO NOT recommend this to anyone else. Use appropriate limits and safewords to manage your risk at a level acceptable to you.)

Mrs. Twisted is free to engage in any sexual activities she desires, with any person or persons she desires, with the stipulation that I am aware and/or somehow participating in such activities ("It's not 'cheating' if your husband is watching"), while my sexual activities are restricted to only what she allows or compels.

Based on recent events and expressions over the last few months (which I have noted in some other posts), I have a feeling that there is going to be a new 'Rule' forthcoming during the next session of 'The Game'...which is going to involve me becoming much more familiar with the taste of semen (Yuck!)

There are some other 'rules' but I currently lack the time...

[Schnoff]

> My wife loves to be penetrated by me, a dildo doesn’t feel the same, but I feel it is too much of a privilege to enjoy too often

Hmm. So - who’s in charge? You are, or she is? If she is, and she likes PiV, then that’s what she gets. If you are in charge, the equation changes. If you’re both equally in charge, you’ll have to negotiate that one .

[Steve2059]

As I am trying to figure all this out in RL, since introducing OD and chastity last fall, I was looking into rules.
A forum search didn’t bring up something useful from the last two years, so I thought I start a discussion.

How do you see it?

• (Full) Orgasm allowed yes/no (frequency)
  Spills (minimized/ruined orgasms) yes/no (frequency)
  Has to eat own cum (that seems to constantly pop up, my wife is bewildered by the apparent fascination/determination to that)
  PIV allowed yes/no
  Touching own genitals (masturbation) allowed yes/no supervised/
  Pegging (as training/prerequisite)
  Keeping a diary of your spills

I think that it's important to acknowledge that while our kinks here share commonalities, a quick look through the various posts shows that we also have a wide variety of differences. I would suggest you can see what we get up to to provide inspiration, but tailor things to your (and your wife's) preferences.

A quick canter through my own proclivities and lifestyle is:

• I'm not allowed orgasms in 2019, with a review after New Year. I wasn't allowed any in 2018 either.
  It amuses HER to see me wank and ruin from time-to-time, perhaps every two or three months. But it has to be a proper ruin with no spurts. I eat everything and have to show enthusiasm while doing so.
  I provide enthusiastic PIV on demand and as directed, but not to completion for me.
  No unsupervised sexual touching except when I'm allowed an edging session of perhaps two hours. However this has been cut back from weekly to calendar monthly, and SHE cancelled my May session!
  We don't peg because SHE's not fussed, though I am directed to wear a variety of buttplugs on occasion and while performing some household chores.
  I am responsible for ironing my stuff and some of HERS, vacuuming, some cooking, clearing away after dinner. These are all performed naked and caged (except for dinner parties LOL), and plugged as well for ironing.
  Because I have fetishes for women's lacy thongs and hosiery, I always wear these under clothing instead of men's underwear, though SHE keeps emergency undies in case I need a medical appointment.
  We also sometimes include light bondage in our scene because that's another of my things.
  I'm under strict instruction to keep myself completely hairless below the waist (which takes some doing because I'm quite a hairy guy).

Hope this helps. Enjoy without guilt.

[Ruined1]

Hmm. So - who’s in charge? You are, or she is? If she is, and she likes PiV, then that’s what she gets. If you are in charge, the equation changes. If you’re both equally in charge, you’ll have to negotiate that one .

Well, I brought the whole thing up, and she is liking it more and more. Currently this is an ongoing experimentation more than an solidified FLR where anyone knows what they want. slave d’s thread regarding dildo use viewtopic.php?f=2&t=63253 is giving some good pointers to take experimentation further!