Denial isn't cruel article

[Betterthansmith]

Hi

I've found a good few blogs and resources through this forum. One I am trying to find is an article or blog post that discusses the fact that male orgasm denial isn't 'cruel' - this is something I am trying to explain to my better half at the moment. She sees it as 'cruel' (her word) if she has an orgasm and then I don't...

Thanks.

[locked4now]

My wife struggled to understand, but when i finally had her read the following it all became clear

http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... otion.html

I highlighted the text in this article and pasted into Word and printed it for her to read at her leisure. Saved her from seeing everything else on the site that might have been too much for her early on....

One word of warning though, from my experience once she reads the science behind chastity and buys in, there is not likely any going back.

[Betterthansmith]

Thanks locked4now - thats an interesting article and not one I'd read before...

My wife and I have been 'playing' with chastity for a couple of years. I know this is a chastity forum but would be good to know if there is an article that barely, if at all, mentions chastity cages - I'm trying to find an article that strips it right back to the orgasm denial not being cruel, whatever or despite of the process or mechanism used to achieve that...

Thanks

[Tom Allen]

You might find something on the site www.devotionalsex.com/ or their group www.devotionalsex.com/forum/

It's a very vanilla oriented FLR-ish perspective.

[Devotional Sex]

Thanks for posting a link to my Devotional Sex website Tom!

Devotional Sex is very vanilla in that any BDSM activity is an optional extra. But I don't think of it as a FLR as this, for example as done by She Makes The Rules, is a naturally bossy woman taking control over most activities and thus him doing most of the housework, etc.

The difficulty for a vanilla wife when asked to do male orgasm denial is that he is wanting her to inflict his fantasy upon him which he will 'pretend' not to want. It's not surprising that many women have difficulty with this idea!

Devotional Sex is different in many ways. Not only does the male not wear a chastity device (Devotional Sex is a celebration of the erection) but she never denies him because he is the one who has decided that he does not want to ejaculate after most sessions of sex.

Chastity and Devotional Sex have many differences, so I'm not suggesting that men who enjoy Chastity will want to do Devotional Sex. But in finding something that will work for both the male and his partner there may be some who find Devotional Sex a happy compromise.

[Tom Allen]

Chastity and Devotional Sex have many differences, so I'm not suggesting that men who enjoy Chastity will want to do Devotional Sex. But in finding something that will work for both the male and his partner there may be some who find Devotional Sex a happy compromise.

I was mainly thinking about it in terms that the OP was asking: some reference or validation that OD was not "cruel" or punishing. You have some discussion of Tantric withholding that also could have been useful.

[Devotional Sex]

The problem is that 'orgasm denial' is 'denial' and for most people denying something is cruel.

If he does not want to ejaculate then it isn't denial (and it isn't cruel).

There are some women who enjoy denying a male an ejaculation.

But for most whatever you want needs to be explained in terms of why he likes it and why she might enjoy it too.

[Betterthansmith]

Thank you both for your responses and link to devotional sex website.

We are currently having the discussion about orgasms - my wife 'owning' my orgasms rather than 'denying' them so that she can see she has control but isn't being cruel. She has said that she enjoys seeing me orgasm and if that is what she wants it shouldn't be a problem. I could go on and on about chastity with cage / without cage - how we got here, etc etc but will save it for another place.

I do appreciate your comments on the terminology though - it is not denial to be cruel.

However on another note, while the sentiment of the devotional sex website is in the right sphere, my wife is never going to take 'celebrating the erection' seriously. Thats just her.

[TwistedMister]

I've found a good few blogs and resources through this forum. One I am trying to find is an article or blog post that discusses the fact that male orgasm denial isn't 'cruel' - this is something I am trying to explain to my better half at the moment. She sees it as 'cruel' (her word) if she has an orgasm and then I don't...

Denial of orgasm for some period of time can be thought of as extended foreplay, a longer 'build-up' that can result in more, and more intense, pleasure later. It may be frustrating, but not necessarily 'cruel'. Perhaps you could explain it to her that way- she is not being 'cruel', she is merely helping you to have a better orgasm...later.