Life, interrupted

[0user]

I'm one of these "millenials" everybody complains about.

Since graduating from college, I've applied for thousands upon thousands of jobs. I've never even gotten an interview. It's been years. I've done odd jobs, assembled Ikea furniture, had short gigs, temporary work. I've done volunteer work.

At home, I was depressed and useless. Distracted. I'd apply for jobs, and play call of duty, and be totally worthless. Totally hopeless. My wife and I would go out. She has this wonderful career where she's not paid enough but can talk for hours about the work she does. And then they'd turn to me, and ask the question I never wanted to hear:

"What do you do?"

I'd flub something. I never wanted to say "I'm unemployed." Sometimes people would be sympathetic, and give me a card. I'm really personable, and people like me. But no matter how many people I added to my network, people who would vouch for me, I never got interviews. The references didn't matter.

So I got depressed and became useless. My wife works hard, but I wasn't even picking up my share of the housework. So a while back, she decided that I was going into chastity until I found a job.

It's fixed a lot of things.

First off, the marriage. My wife wasn't happy with me, but now she's in charge. She comes home, and the house is clean and there's dinner being cooked. She can relax, and doesn't have to worry about laundry or cleaning, or anything. I bring her coffee to her first thing after her alarm goes off in the morning. She's happy now. I make her happy again.

She's been too tired to be sexual for a while. That was a strain. But now, it doesn't matter. Things happen on her terms and on her time scale. It's about her happiness, and my happiness is based on making her happy.

Secondly, my depression. I felt totally worthless. Totally and completely worthless. My wife was the breadwinner, and I was just... spare parts in an economy that doesn't give a shit about me or the other men it's decided don't deserve jobs. The shame of not contributing, as a man, was extreme. And I still feel that shame. But it's useful now. I feed that shame into my psyche, and use it as a reason for why I deserve this. I deserve to be, essentially, a slave. If I can't be useful outside of the home, I can be useful inside of it.

It requires some rewiring. A lot of rewiring. It's a flip of the traditional gender roles.

If I was the girl who was out of work, and she was the guy, none of this would matter. There'd be no social hatred, and I could just be a good little housewife and it would be fine. But I'm not a girl, I'm a guy. I'm supposed to be the breadwinner, I'm supposed to be the one who works, and I'm not supposed to be allowed to be weak, or vulnerable, or end up on my ass economically while my wife works. I'm supposed to go off and join the military because that's what guys do when there's no other options. And every time I see a look of judgement, or hear a cutting remark, I want to scream "I don't want to be unemployed, give me any fucking job, right this second, and I'll do it."

The only guys who've ever understood this have been union guys. During the occupy stuff, I was hanging out with some friends in Portland, and this union guy comes up to us, and he says "You know what? You guys need jobs. Go get a fucking job."

And I say:

"You know where to find one? You're in a union. Give me a job. Right now. I'll start today. I'll put boxes in trucks, or shovel gravel, whatever you need me to do."

And he said he couldn't help me. And he understood why we were protesting. If we had jobs, we'd be busy doing them. We're mad because we don't have them.

But none of that matters anymore. I apply for the jobs I'm told to apply for. I do what I'm told. I wear what I'm told. I haven't let go of all of that negativity, but I have refocused it into service.

One of the progressive lefty guys I follow said on his radio show the other day "There are some men out of work today who will never, ever have a job again." He was talking about automation. Robotics.

Maybe that's true.

Maybe I will never have the opportunity to work.

But whatever happens, my marriage is saved. My wife is happy. I'm ashamed of how low I've fallen, but at least I have the opportunity to help someone else make something of their life. To make their life better.

And the shame of all of this... is bearable now.

I still fear society. That they wouldn't understand that this is good, and helpful, and makes me not feel depressed and saves my marriage.

Especially the raunchier aspects. I'm not allowed to wear clothes inside, and I'm expected to wear a plug and a collar. That would freak people out.

But I'm in a place where if this is what becomes of my life, if this is all there is, I can cope. Because it's not about me anymore.

[Tom Allen]

Ouser, is this the start of your CF blog?

Please read the link:
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=18227

[0user]

Ouser, is this the start of your CF blog?

Please read the link:
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=18227

Read through it, and I think I posted in the wrong place. I was hoping to be able to have a discussion about this. Where should I have posted?

[Tom Allen]

I moved this to the General forums.

[crated51]

Ouser,

I'll offer an opinion, but be advised that - it along with a couple of dollars still may not buy you a coffee refill. So......

First, it took a certain amount of courage to share you situation - good for you.

Second, stop looking to someone else to make something happen for you regarding employment. Find something you are passionate about THAT PEOPLE WANT OR NEED, and learn everything about it - does not necessarily need to be formal training - at least not to begin with. I'll offer three that if you pursued PASSIONATELY you could at least start something for yourself. It would be a step towards independence. This takes time and some patients.

Learn about human physiology and anatomy to be come a massage therapist. Imagine how it would feel to hear you wife tell others how great you are with your hands. Both of you would know the double meaning.

Learn about home security and personal defense weapons, martial arts, the laws in your State, etc. Oh and by the way. Sell the X box or whatever, and transition into reality. Your wife may control your organisms but you could further display you love and affection by being able to protect her from ANYTHING.

Learn about welding and working with metal - especially stainless steel. Build a better MC device. Come up with something unique. Not sure what your wife could tell her friends and family - maybe you're a "suffering" artist.

Any of these could provide a basis to give someone a reason to hire you in something related. Hospitals and doctors always need nurses. Become a gunsmith, a ship wright - the sky could be your only real limitation. You said you went to collage, but since you can't land a job you either majored in something relatively worthless or you expectations are too high but working at Ikea, that's probably not the case. In my opinion a trade is far more valuable for most people than a college degree.

On occasion I hire people. From what you've describe I can understand why no one has hired you - right now you bring nothing to commend yourself but YOU can change that. Something you can do right now to set you course aright is read the book, "7 habits of highly effective people". Even if you don't agree with the message, it will challenge you and the rut you're in for your way of thinking.

Regarding MC, since I personally do not see it as a lifestyle, I see it as a game - I believe you will likely make it more enjoyable for both of you if you bring your best self to the playing field. The best you would still be able to serve and please her. Just saying.

[TwistedMister]

From what you've describe I can understand why no one has hired you - right now you bring nothing to commend yourself but YOU can change that.

Yeah, I don't accept whining that "no one will give me a job", not from myself or anyone else. I've been through some tough economic times but I have ALWAYS been able to find work when I wanted to. It's a matter of finding something that needs to be done and being willing to do it. Sometimes that meant taking jobs I didn't like, for less than "minimum wage" (because the employer was screwing the system and I was competing with immigrants who were willing to work for less and happy to get what little was being paid), sometimes working "under the table", sometimes "creating" my own jobs and being "self-employed", sometimes taking jobs that I had no knowledge or experience of before I started but being able to bullshit my way into getting a foot in the door and then proving that I could learn, and that I could and would do the job and do it better than anyone else in spite of knowing zilch about it when I started.

If you wait for someone to "give" you something, you'll always be sucking hind-tit. If you want something, you have to go out and get it, demand it *take* it. That is the natural way the world works. Don't listen to the imbeciles who form the "occupy" groups, the "living wage" idiots and other whiners, they are entitlement-minded losers who think that a certain standard of living should be handed to them on a silver platter simply because they exist. If they had their way, we'd all end up living under a communist/socialist regime ruled by the likes of Trotsky, Lenin and Marx. No doubt they would find something new to complain about in short order, because we know only too well just how that sort of system works out.

The "7 Habits" book is good. Also, Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends And Influence People", and stuff by W. Clement Stone, Og Mandino, Napoleon Hill, and David J. Schwartz. Oh, also, the book "Who Moved My Cheese" (I forget who wrote it).

[MrCage]

Dear Ouser,
I think very much like twistedmister. Funny that,as I was reading, I instantly thought of the books he recommended before I read his response. You want to be THE MAN? Get out there and do it! It takes time to build something. I had a dream and set goals a long time ago. I never let anyone tell me that I couldn't do it. I washed toilets, mopped floors,made pizzas,sold door to door, went to school. Now,30 some years later, I have a great business and profession. I have 20 employees. I love what I do and the people that I work with. Walt Disney was rejected by investors over 300 times before he got someone to buy into his dream. The thing that most of us older people hate about your generation is their sense of "entitlement". I hope you don't have this attitude. Instead, you could gain a foothold in the interview process by proving to employers that you hate that sense of your generation yourself. How do you do that? Do what I did above. Work your ass off and do it better than anyone around you. The problem is that your parents spoiled the shit out of a generation of Americans and lost some of the best qualities which we were envied for. The onus is upon you to change that. Be thankful for living in this country and having a great supportive wife (and hopefully family). I would add that Tony Robbins' "power talk" series is a must for a starting point for you. I make all my employees listen to parts of it. If you are still depressed, get a prescription, see a counselor, and make a plan. Depressin sucks and will ruin your marriage. Best of luck. You have a lot of good advice here. Funny that so many successful people are in chastity,isn't it?

[locked4her55]

Hear, Hear, MrCage

[locked4now]

Absolutely agree with the replies here, and think that no response to them from Ouser is very telling.

I also am very curious about the wife that decides to lock up her husband until he gets a job??????? Not sure how she came to the conclusion that this would help, unless we did not get the "rest of the story"

[locked4her55]

I also am very curious about the wife that decides to lock up her husband until he gets a job??????? Not sure how she came to the conclusion that this would help

It would work the opposite for me. "You want me to be your Keyholder, find a job first, then we'll talk"