Not really a sub

[hiskh]

So we have been playing and I have realized my sub isn't really a sub. I told him so too. He has fantasized for years about being locked up but I don't think he ever really knew what it would be like in reality. Don't get me wrong we are both enjoying it but he is having a lot of trouble trying to top from the bottom. I am not letting him get away with it this time.
He wanted his fantasy on his terms and has been trying to control the situation but I have news for him. We have been marrie for 29 years and I know all his tricks so all I have to say is HANG ON BABY. You are going to get what you have been dreaming of but on MY terms!!

[chastehub]

i love how you have taken control...i bet he will thank you for it.

[Dannyboy]

As many people say, chastity, orgasm denial is a game that both of you want to play for it to work. If he isn't happy worth the D/s side of things it is only going to end in disaster. So talk find out what you both want out if it and come to some sort of compromise. If you are going to lock him up and tease him then he has to offer some thing in return but you will have to work out what that is going to be.

Maybe it's keeping chastity to the bedroom. Maybe only a few days of the week. I don't know how long you have been doing it for bit perhaps he needs time to fall into the roll that you want.

What ever happens and you think that punishment is needed for any transgressions. Whether that punishment falls into corporal punishment or the threat to remove his device for a period of time you need to make it clear what the punishment will be when you think he deserves it but you must also always follow through with what you say will happen without fail. If you don't he won't ever take it or you seriously.

[Tame Lion]

I love your approach. He may, in fact, be submissive (I hate the term "sub" it is an Internet artifact that has spawned its own subculture). Nobody is all submissive or dominant. A better description is that he is a "bottom". What that means to both of you is something you and he have to work out. It's great that you aren't letting his fantasy drive your actions. On the other hand, his fantasies do represent how he imagines things will go. It's up to the two of you to negotiate a realistic plan. I suspect that since you have been together so long that you already know what he wants and needs and you don't need him to tell you. Have fun!

[hiskh]

Thank you Tame Lion! I hate sub too but didn't know what else to say and since that is what is all over the internet, that is what I used. I also want to compliment you on your blog!! I read several passages to my bottom because they were so insightful.
Danny boy I want to address a couple of things you said.
First based on physical evidence I am positive my husband is VERY happy with how things are going. Second there will not be any physical punishment because this is a game and is supposed to be fun. There shouldn't be a need for any as we communicate very well. You can't be married for 29 years without it IMO. We don't do this outside of sex play as our relationship is one of mutual respect and it isn't needed or desired on either part.
This was his idea and the first time we played, I was very uncomfortable with it and basically just did it for him. He topped from the bottom and honestly it just wasn't good for me. I initiated his chastity this time with a newfound perspective. I wanted to post here how I felt as food for thought for you guys. It doesn't seem that KH's post here much about what they experience. I was thinking it would give you some perspective on how this KH and possibly others thinks. I decided that since he wants chastity, I would find a way to be comfortable with it so we would both enjoy. So far it has been great. He will agree. Much different than previously.

So I didn't really post this looking for advice but thank you for giving it to me! Any information helps me and my bottom talk about things and make it better or both of us!

[Tame Lion]

Thank you for your kind words. Two key holders , one is mine, contributed very insightful comments to a post. It might interest you. You are really lucky that you found your "top voice". So many women just can't quite get comfortable topping their mates. It's wonderful that the two of you are having fun. Congratulations!

[owned_sissy]

My wife and I have tried a range of BDSM experiences over our 14 year relationship, always with me as the submissive. But just as you're describing, I was felt she was doing it for me, and I know she felt the same way. Only a month ago we began to get into chastity, and we have both noticed a substantial difference in her demeanor. It seems now we both equally enjoy the experience. As far as clarifying expectations, we accomplished that with a contract, which we both a blast developing. You might consider something similar, we both had input, and once it was signed, there was no going back. My Keyholder has me review it regularly just as a reminder.

[Michele]

My wife and I have tried a range of BDSM experiences over our 14 year relationship, always with me as the submissive. But just as you're describing, I was felt she was doing it for me, and I know she felt the same way. Only a month ago we began to get into chastity, and we have both noticed a substantial difference in her demeanor. It seems now we both equally enjoy the experience. As far as clarifying expectations, we accomplished that with a contract, which we both a blast developing. You might consider something similar, we both had input, and once it was signed, there was no going back. My Keyholder has me review it regularly just as a reminder.

This was exactly us as well... in the beginning of our relationship our bdsm or D/s stuff WAS all for hubby. This time around with the addition of chastity it so not about him at all. I'm doing it because I love it!

[TwistedMister]

So we have been playing and I have realized my sub isn't really a sub. I told him so too. He has fantasized for years about being locked up but I don't think he ever really knew what it would be like in reality. Don't get me wrong we are both enjoying it but he is having a lot of trouble trying to top from the bottom. I am not letting him get away with it this time.
He wanted his fantasy on his terms and has been trying to control the situation but I have news for him. We have been marrie for 29 years and I know all his tricks so all I have to say is HANG ON BABY. You are going to get what you have been dreaming of but on MY terms!!

I'm not really 'sub' either, quite the opposite. In some situations I am anti-authoritarian, in others I tend to rise to a position of authority and power. Sexually, however, female domination and [truly] forced control really get me going. Seems like you've got the right attitude .

[hiskh]

Thanks TwistedMister! I think I do too.