Reservations

[fuzzydunlop]

Everyone else has written such great advice, so I'm just going to echo: There's no "slope," except, possibly, for the slope of going for longer and longer periods of time. Relax and enjoy.

Edit: Take a look around this group in particular. You'll find that most of the people are still on the vanilla side, cuckolding and sissifying are not widely represented here, and even the chastity terms vary from days or weeks to months. And we have a few well-grounded women keyholders who would be glad to give your wife some advice on how to keep things exciting, without going over to anything too freaky.

There also aren't a lot of women around here either, though there are from time to time. I think fitting varying sexual interests together are sometimes more complicated than just talking about it. I know it is hard for people on this page to believe, but not everyone thinks of locking a metal on one's cock and foregoing orgasms as "vanilla" whether it leads to "risky" behavior or not. Some people who are into "cuckolding" think that's vanilla too---why should multiple sex partners be complicated? They aren't into crazy things like cock cage ot "power exchanges"---they want multiple partners. My point is that it is a matter of perspective.

Women don't generally call it "cuckolding" but it is probably easier to find blogs about open marriages, unfaithful wives, women who have complicated feelings about being "slutty" etc. than it is to find a site about women who are into cock cages. Dan Savage just had a good column this week about the complexity of the feelings of "sluttiness".

I tend to wonder of this is where some of the "angst" comes from. I think it is natural to have conflicted feelings about the high of being submissive, denial, etc. versus the expectation to be more "alpha" than that. Chastity and cuckolding fantasies have some commonality when you look at it that way. What if one has an adventorous wife? It's pretty normal to wrestle with feelings of adequacy whether doing something as "vanilla" as chastity for chastity's sake or "risky" like cuckolding.

My question always comes back to---why are you asking that question? Is this something that either or both of you are interested in?

Lastly, so far as "vanilla" goes, I think this site is very non-"fantasy" oriented, meaning it reflects what real people do. I don't think there is anything wrong with "fantasy" sites---some people like writing stuff that is pure bullshit or at least heavily Embellished. It also reflects people who tend to be into chastity for its ownsake, which is OK too. The honest real discussion here is great. But I suspect the interests here are much broader than that.

[Michele]

Hey there... my hubby and I have used denial since the beginning of our relationship so chastity just made it that much more intense. We both are very much not into sharing and I too would feel a sense of cheating. We have a contract written up for our lifestyle and one major no, no is anything other people, it's just not who we are. We do appreciate that others are into that and do not judge... whatever works.

This lifestyle is what YOU & YOUR WIFE make of it... it does not have to be anything more or less than what you are ok with. I will say that this new found love has opened our eyes to trying new things but everything is talked about at length and totally agreed upon. It's always what we are both comfortable with trying... then we talk after and decide how it was.

It's always a work in progress and can be loads of fun without the hardcore dominatrix stuff and without the hardcore humiliation or feminization stuff either.

It's your chastity, live it how you like!

Always around to chat if you need anything, Hope that helps!

[celticqueens_sub]

Hello all,
I've been a lurker on this site for quite some time, and I appreciate all the advice, stories, and anecdotes from everyone. I hope to post some more about myself and my journey with my amazing wife soon, but for now I need to get something off my chest. ................

I don't want to ramble on so I'll leave it at that and ask for some advice from the more experienced members out there: How do you enjoy this fetish / lifestyle within your marriage without taking it too far?
Thanks

Didn't want to repliacte the entire post....

THE most important thing to understand is :::

NOTHING leads to anything. There is NO sequence of events that means once you have "passed" a stage the next stage is... x y or z.

CQ and I have been doing this for years... things like cuckolding are just not on our agenda. Our view is that it is, as you say, cheating..BUT.... that is how we see it and we don't it. Others here and on other sites get a great deal from it, so what's wrong with that then? NOTHING is the answer, if it works for them both.

Do not fall into a false reality that one thing leads to another, there is no road map for this. You two do what suits the pair of you. For example, I NEVER wear my cage at night because it causes too much pain and too much disturbance for my Domme as I wake to often. This is very different to others here... but it is not wrong for us.

[Petey]

Wow thanks everyone, some very good advice here. You've put my mind at ease somewhat. Most of you agree that any sign of looking elsewhere would be a sign of deeper desires or issues with the marriage, not as a result of chastity itself. I'm more relaxed now that I see some down to earth comments. I know my wife and I have no reason to believe she has even thought about looking elsewhere outside our marriage. We communicate well, but I think I'll still initiate a more in depth conversation about where we see this heading.

It's been a fun year but up until about a month ago I felt like if I really wanted out, I could just ask her in a serious tone and she would give me the key. My wife has a much lower sex drive than me, so I've always been the one to share my fantasies and push her to try new things. She just doesn't think about sex nearly as often as me or most people probably. But she's been open to some of my ideas and shuts the door on ones she doesn't like. (I may never get to experience the back entrance in my lifetime... lol) Now she seems to be having more fun with chastity and the control aspect. A few days ago she asked a question. "How will I know when you're just whining and when you really need to get out of the cage?" I suggested a safe word of course, but she immediately realized I could just use the safe word and get out whenever it got too 'hard'. She suggested a consequence if I used the safe word. We left it at that and will come back to that discussion soon when we've come up with an idea for a 'consequence'.
So things seem to be progressing and I'm excited! I've been locked continuously since Oct 15 with only 2 short releases for a ruined orgasm, and my first full orgasm since that day on Sunday. What's that, 32 days? Definitely my longest stint and each time I've been locked again immediately. (still locked now)

I think my concerns in my first post were more of a reaction to reading blogs and stories online. Like I said, I have a much more active mind than my wife, so the concerns are all on my part, not because I suspect her of anything. Cuckolding or anyone outside our marriage is definitely a 'hard limit' for me.

Danj, I think I agree with you about not worrying about trying bigger toys, and just concentrate on giving her
'maximum amount of pleasure'. I read somewhere that the more women have sex, the more they want it. So if I keep her happy, maybe she'll want to make use of me even more! In my 32 days without an O I have given her 6 or 7 and she's really enjoyed them. Maybe because she can just lay back and relax instead of worrying about my pleasure?

LadynMonkey thanks for your comments as well. Nice to see a female perspective on this forum once in a while.

[Michele]

I'm glad I'm able to give the view from the female or keyholder side of things! I did show this to hubby and he thought of some things he wanted to comment on so I'll write that below (he is only allowed to read with permission so I post his comments).

I think the most important thing in this whole chastity lifestyle is the concept of trust. There is no such thing as a "slippery slope" if you and your partner come up with a good chastity agreement and trust each other to abide by it. 

When handing over your key, you need to trust your KH to handle your situation properly - it may not be how YOU want it all the time, but that's kinda the point.  :)  When My Lady and I were first discussing our arrangement, she had the same problem with trying to figure out when I would be "playing around" about wanting out and REALLY wanting out. My response was, "Does it really matter?" She should only let me out when SHE wants. Whether I'm just whining or really want out of the cage makes no difference.

I also wanted to make a quick comment about safewords. In my opinion, a safeword is not a suggestion. It's a necessity! Things can happen that are not under the control of you or your KH that may require (temporary) removal from chastity, and there needs to be a way to communicate that type of situation. However, here is where trust comes in again. Your KH needs to trust YOU to use your safeword only in agreed upon terms. In our agreement, for example, I have agreed to use my safeword only in situations of possible medical harm or reaching serious physical pain limits - if it's simply a case of "I can't take it anymore, please stop," then I'm SOL. I'm free to beg all I want, but ML has no obligation to oblige me.

Anyway, I digress... your KH needs to trust you when it comes to your safeword, and you need to be trustworthy in return. The trust needs to flow both ways if a chastity relationship is going to work in the best way possible.