Reservations

[Petey]

Hello all,
I've been a lurker on this site for quite some time, and I appreciate all the advice, stories, and anecdotes from everyone. I hope to post some more about myself and my journey with my amazing wife soon, but for now I need to get something off my chest.

After easing my wife into the idea of male chastity we purchased our first device in January of this year. It took her some getting used to, and originally she was just playing along for my sake. But overall it's been a great year of on-and-off play. Busy schedule this summer and kids, etc limited it somewhat. Over the past month however, my wife has really been getting into the keyholder role and being very strict about keeping me locked 24/7 with very limited releases. (twice this month for a 10 minute tease and back in). She's realized her power and that I've been a much more attentive, helpful man recently. As most people experience, it's a thrill, and very frustrating for me at the same time.

I'm loving the journey so far, but something has been really bugging me and eating away at my thought pattern. It has to do with the slippery slope of where chastity play can lead to. To cut to the chase, cuckolding is a very common theme that comes up. To put it bluntly, I see this as cheating. This is something I never want to come a thousand miles from. I love my wife, and I know she loves me and would never think about this. No offense to those that may enjoy that kink, I know it appeals to many, but the thought of my wife cheating would ruin me. I'm thankful that so far we have a very solid, trusting relationship.

But the unkown future is what leads me to the 'slippery slope' concern. I have reservations on what the 2 of us should let ourselves play with. For example, my wife loves a vibrator and I love using one on her to give her a great orgasm. We've been using it for years, and that led to other toys like a glass dildo, and love balls, etc. I enjoy pleasing her with them, and am curious about trying a strap on to use on her. Is this a slippery slope? If she enjoys the strap on, will she want a bigger one? Will I suddenly not be good enough? Will she start thinking about trying other real penises?

I would like to show her some blogs and this forum to share my fetishes and give her some ideas, but I'm nervous about opening a can of worms I won't be able to close again. I've read enough stories that started with a wonderful loving relationship and chastity fetish only to find out later in the story that it went too far, and the relationship or marriage was doomed. Even long lasting, seemingly solid relationships. (I realize there is a lot of bad fiction out there, but some real life situations as well)

I don't want to ramble on so I'll leave it at that and ask for some advice from the more experienced members out there: How do you enjoy this fetish / lifestyle within your marriage without taking it too far?
Thanks

[mellyshubby]

I am new also, but my wife and I have had many discussions on many things since we started into chastity. I shared with her that one of my fantasies is for her to be taken by another man, in front of me. We both know that it is a fantasy ONLY. She would never do it, and I would never want her to.

Our perspective on chastity is that it is only a GAME we play to spice up our marriage. I don't know how "hard core" we will go with lengthy denial periods, we will see how things go. If it stops being fun for either of us, we will take a break and then re-assess. Right now we are having FUN.

Hope this helps.

[RegularJoe]

There is nothing in the practice of male chastity that inevitably leads to cuckolding. If one's predispositions tend that way, then the device is just a reinforcing accessory. In other words, it's not at all causative. Wearing one did not send us down that path....its roots were far deeper, and older, than merely wearing a cage.

So, enjoy your own journey without fear.

[TwistedMister]

How do you enjoy this fetish / lifestyle within your marriage without taking it too far?

In power exchange relationships/games, whether F/m or M/f (or whatever other combinations you want), partners with sense usually discuss and agree on 'limits'. There may be 'hard limits' which are absolute, non-negotiable no-go areas, and 'soft limits' which by negotiation or agreement may sometimes be 'pushed'.

There is no 'slippery slope' unless you let there be one, either by design or by failure to discuss and agree on limits. You should also agree on one or more 'safewords' which, in the event a situation arises that you were unprepared for or did not expect, can be used to signal the other partner to immediately stop so that you can assess the situation and decide whether or not to continue, with or without modifications, negotiations, or expanded or reduced limits.

Power exchange play involves a certain measure of trust by both/all parties. Failure to honor safewords and hard limits is a breaking of trust that would signal a deeper problem in the relationship. Talk to your partner and agree on how far things can go. Unlike some of the 'stories' you might have read on certain other sites, I think that most here do not simply give up all power and subject themselves to whatever their partners might decide to do.

[poor]

If she wants to have sex with somebody else then she will. Happens in thousands of marriages every day & mostly leads to divorce. Often it's because over time the focus drifts away from her and someone else notices & takes the time to make her feel special once more.

Having a big cock might get you more partners but what makes a good marriage partner isn't graded by a tape measure.

[locked4her55]

How do you enjoy this fetish / lifestyle within your marriage without taking it too far?

Some good advice from my esteemed colleagues above.

Communication was "key" for our success. My wife and I talked a lot about what we wanted to get out of this. I did most of the talking, luckily she listened.

Been happily married for over 23 years and I know when I'm starting to go down the wrong path with her. She does too and we do not want this added spice in our lives to mess up a great thing. Sure, I have introduced "things" to her. Some she has liked, some I know were not so well received so I have backed off.

It's what has worked for us.

[fuzzydunlop]

The whole "gateway kink" has always seemed silly to me. Maybe that is because I am in my 40s, played with kink my whole adult life, and have usually found it harder to make time for kinks and "take them too far" versus making time for them period. I understand a partner being afraid another partner will take a new obsession too far and get too self absorbed in it better than I understand oneself taking things too far, because you have to be accountable for yourself even if you are into power exchanges.

I agree with the above that if you are worried your wife wants to sleep around, then chastity is not going to affect that decision one way or another. If it is a kink for you that your wife may want to sleep around, that kink will probably not change based on chastity, although denial my add some flavor to your kink.

Who has time to fall down slippery slopes? Maybe I am just a middle age guy with not a lot of time on his hands. I will say the excitement of looking down a slippery slope, real or imagined, is exciting for some of us, and that sometimes gets overlooked by this of us who don't have an appetite for it.

[danj]

First, welcome to the Forum!

It sounds like you have progressed nicely into male chastity….good for both of you As most have hit on, communication is huge. You didn't say if cuckolding has been mentioned by your wife. Even if she hasn't mentioned it, you should probably discuss the topic and any other concerns you might have. And hopefully, she will communicate with you any concerns/limits she might have. Try to determine both of your limits now, or at least be working on that. I would think if you can do that, you will be far less stressed about what may come down the line. IMHO, I wouldn't worry too much about her enjoying larger toys. You want her to have maximum pleasure right? So I would defer to her on things like larger dildos, etc. Make her cum as often and as hard as you can. Heck, that's what I live for when I'm locked!

And, of course, you can always discuss changing limits later if there are other things you both want to try later. Best of luck, and please keep us posted!

[happyman1]

I agree with the other posts. In my mind if it's not something mutually agreed upon by you and your wife, it's cheating, and that has nothing to do with chastity. It's a sign of a problem(s) elsewhere in your marriage. Yes she is probably going to enjoy a dildo that's bigger than you, but trust me, if she loves you, it's not because of your penis size. Have more stock in yourself and don't borrow trouble. I am not the most endowed guy, and I would never make it as a porn star, but my wife loves me, I keep her happy, and treat her with the love and respect she deserves. I am confident she'd never take another lover unless we both agreed on it. She once told me, after I jokingly said it was her boyfriend, not me, who misplaced something of hers, "I am too damn busy to have a boyfriend, lover or a dog and still have a husband too". She's got a dog and a husband (well, the dog's mine). She is pretty damn happy with that, maybe not so much with the dog....
A chastity device is not going to make your wife search out a bigger cock anymore than it's going to make you search out buying new shoes every day.

[Tom Allen]

Everyone else has written such great advice, so I'm just going to echo: There's no "slope," except, possibly, for the slope of going for longer and longer periods of time. Relax and enjoy.

Edit: Take a look around this group in particular. You'll find that most of the people are still on the vanilla side, cuckolding and sissifying are not widely represented here, and even the chastity terms vary from days or weeks to months. And we have a few well-grounded women keyholders who would be glad to give your wife some advice on how to keep things exciting, without going over to anything too freaky.