But what do I get out of this?

[duckbert2003]

I may have to go home tonight and clean up my workspace, I think the wife would really like that. She was never a competitive dance like WW but she is more of a dancer than I am, and I am already picturing the smile on her face

[Tom Allen]

I would do the same, but clearing up the garage is kind of a hard limit for me.

[wonderingwife]

I may have to go home tonight and clean up my workspace, I think the wife would really like that. She was never a competitive dance like WW but she is more of a dancer than I am, and I am already picturing the smile on her face

Good for you! That has me grinning so big my face hurts! You’ll have to let us know how it turns out. When bad dog does it for me he always ends up with a pretty special reward !

Bad dog is embarrassed by how bad he dances, doing this in public would be a nightmare for him, there is no way I would push him into it. He’s not as bad as he thinks he is, but he is a shy guy, so no matter how well he dances, I don’t think the idea of hitting the dance floor with me with others watching would ever be something he would do. I gave up the competition part years ago, and part of it was because of him. It takes hours and hours of practice to be proficient and it was time I didn’t want to take away from life with him, I have never regretted giving it up but I do miss it from time to time.

I would do the same, but clearing up the garage is kind of a hard limit for me.

I got the same hard limit!

[wishful4]

Have you actually been reading her posts from the beginning?

Well, yeah, but this has been going on for what, two-three weeks, and my geezer memory is only good for 24-36 hours max. Guess I was just commenting on her latest post before mine and I may have already forgotten part of it before I posted. This is gettin' way too complicated anyway.

[wonderingwife]

I’m not sure what is so complicated.
Is there supposed to be a conclusion date on the threads? (Tongue in cheek there )


I’m going back to what I said here a couple of times:
No matter what the end result is for the bad dog and me the discussion here has been informative and has been the spring board for many conversations between the bad dog and me and I would hope it would do the same for other couples.


There’s been so much here that has made me smile and some that has made me feel some pretty strong pangs of empathy for the ones who are struggling to make this work in their relationship. Being kinky myself and having a kinky partner doesn’t mean I am (we are) immune to being disappointed or wishing for things that I (he) can never have. It doesn’t mean I (he) am immune to self-doubt. I’m still a little amazed by the reaction the bad dog had to another man admitting he had his own qualms about his desires.

I’ll admit there’s a lot here to sort thru and I go back and re read bits and pieces often and there are so many things I mean to address then get side tracked.

I have been meaning for a couple of days now to get back here:
gungadn wrote:

This kink is just very hard to explain..

I do get that, I get how hard it can be to find the words and then how it feels to hold your breathe in hopes you didn't freak the one just admitted the kink want too! Not about this kink, but imagine trying to explain to someone you enjoy tying a guy to the bed and tormenting him.

If the person you are explaining it to is receptive to the idea, of course the conversation is going to wonderful, if they aren’t chances are they are going to go dead quiet or freak out and you never know what they will do, so I get that! Not all guys are thrilled with the idea of being tied up and being at the mercy of a woman who has a little bit of a sadistic streak. I can relate to a lot of what is being said here even if this kink isn’t one that makes my knees weak.

Think about it, everyone always says: "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it". It is all too true as back when we were all considering it, we were basically reading porn about not getting off and "getting off" on the idea of not being allowed to get off. Just how screwed up is that? I cant imagine why it is so hard to explain to someone. I still can't put into clear concise words why exactly it is that I enjoy not being able to "enjoy myself"....
We wont even get into the discussion that society tells girls that "being a tease" is a bad thing and that all men ever think about is sex. Now, you are trying to tell them that you want the exact opposite of what they have been told to believe their entire lives....

We wont even get into the discussion that society tells girls that "being a tease" is a bad thing and that all men ever think about is sex. Now, you are trying to tell them that you want the exact opposite of what they have been told to believe their entire lives...

Mrs. Twisted and I had a discussion about that, a long time ago...but, as it turns out, she likes being a 'tease'.

All of this had me nodding in agreement. I have always been a tease and I have been called every name you can think of because of this part of my nature and that part of my nature has caused relationships to fall apart because the man I was seeing couldn’t deal with it. It was a huge delight to discover bad dog enjoyed being with a woman who is a tease. And we have both been in the “be careful what you wish for boat” when it comes to kinks that we managed to make work.

The way the D/s has turned out between us over the years has had us both thinking “okay I got exactly what I asked for” and some days getting what we asked for isn’t as much fun as we thought it was going to be, but we work through it and I am hoping we can work thru this because honest to goodness we have never had a kink confound both of us so much, we have never been so far apart over a kink.

I'm still not done with gungadn There's some great stuff there I still want to address but as per norm, I am up against the clock and s per norm, you guys or a whole lot more fun then the real world right now so it is hard to walk away.

[wishful4]

I’m not sure what is so complicated.
Is there supposed to be a conclusion date on the threads? (Tongue in cheek there )
There's some great stuff there I still want to address but as per norm, I am up against the clock and s per norm, you guys or a whole lot more fun then the real world right now so it is hard to walk away.

Wondering wife,

My comment really wasn't about you. You are absolutely wonderful and the best thing that has happened to this forum in quite a while. I sincerely hope you'll stick around.

You see, I'm a geezer like Tom and when I mess up on a comment cause I didn't go back and reread, he is quick to bitch slap me. Problem is, I really admire him and I'm not sure if it pisses me off or turns me on???

[wonderingwife]

See, I’m not kidding when I say you guys are hard to walk away from, I was trying to look something up for bad dog and got the notice of a new post and I had to have a peek and see what it was.

Wishful4, thank you for the kind comment.

I have to ask what constitutes “geezer” status? I’m almost 52, does that make me geezer around here?
(And don’t worry; you won’t offend me if you tell me it does. Some days “being geezer” is the best excuse I have when having days the universe wants to crap on me and what I am trying to get done!)

[wishful4]

I have to ask what constitutes “geezer” status? I’m almost 52, does that make me geezer around here? (And don’t worry; you won’t offend me if you tell me it does. Some days “being geezer” is the best excuse I have when having days the universe wants to crap on me and what I am trying to get done!)

I'm not sure what the definition of a geezer is. Like you, I just mostly use it as an excuse.I just turned 60 last month. Tom is 90, I think, but he's in better physical shape than I am. Maybe we need to make up a new word, how about "senior kinkster"???

[G_H]

*sigh*

WonderingWife,

You obviously owe me no favors, but please try to set aside your anger at me when you read what follows.

Thank you in advance.

In my response to Tom, I quite clearly indicated that you only touched in passing on the topic I was discussing. I also clarified that I was making the post sort of as an aside, intended to be more of a side-bar conversation on that sub-topic. I even apologized for not making the subject its own thread. I thought I was also pretty clear that I thought your writing was impressively clear-headed. The "This conversation" to which I was referring was the conversation about chastity and sex in general, and more to the point the conversation about some (many?) women's adverse reaction to their mate dumping the topic of chastity upon them. This is a conversation about relationships and sex. Of course it is partly an emotional conversation. Any conversation about relationships and sex includes an emotional component. I am surprised that was offensive.

While I tried to be clear that your writing was well reasoned, my statement was that your initial posts came across as emotional. Having gone back just now to review the opening of this thread, you are right. They didn't. There was some stuff in some of the later ones. I mean you were talking about inserting his devices deeply enough that they would get in the way when he brushed his teeth and things to that effect. You also talked about being angry and frustrated and aggravated. Having read all 9 pages at once I allowed things to get kind of blurry in my head. I'm sorry for that. I really truly am.

** Editor's note, WW didn't initially volunteer this but talked about it after someone else mentioned it. That's why I wrote my initial post as more of a sidebar on the subject. She even described her own thinking on the issue as "illogical" (and more) if perhaps for another reason that this exact one.

Care to share exactly how you came to the above conclusion? Where did I say my thinking was illogical (and more) and what was it I didn’t mention until someone else mentioned it? I have a feeling you are taking my words out of context to make them fit your logic.

Of course. I would be happy to clarify exactly what I was referring to. I am certainly not trying to invent anything out of whole cloth here, or to ascribe to you things that you did not say. I was referring to this specific thing you wrote:

One thing that flashed thru my mind when he started bugging me to “just try this” was maybe he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore, that maybe he’d lost interest in me, that maybe this was a way to avoid sex with me. There was nothing to indicate that but by nature I tend to be sceptical and as it was the whole idea threw me so yes, my mind went places that were illogical and somewhat ludicrous.

When I was composing my initial post I thought I remembered at least two other allusions in this thread to the idea that a man would want to be locked up to avoid sex with his KH, but going back I only see one other. I admit at the time that I didn't go back through all 9 pages and count so "many" (or whatever adjective I used) should probably have been "another" (unless I'm mis-counting now in which case it should actually be "a couple"). Many is true in the context of "over the years", but not in the context of this thread. My sentence was ambiguous on this.

You mentioned that during an upsetting phase of the events leading up to your post you found yourself thinking things that even to you, upon reflection, didn't actually make sense. Personally, I thought it was insightful that you recognized those thoughts for what they were. Your comment aligned closely to something that I have thought about from time to time after reading this and many other conversations, blog posts, etc and it was this part of what you wrote that I was trying to open for some kind of discussion. I should have left well enough alone. I acknowledge that. Again, I'm sorry.

Finally, I did not intend to imply anything about you personally, or women in general. I did not intend to imply that only men are logical thinkers or that women aren't. I did not intend to imply anything. I was just saying that when it comes to being a man who looks at things logically while being somewhat blind to the "human nature" side of things I frequently tend to end up way over on the "11" side of the scale. *again, sigh...* I guess my post made that point for me. Hopefully you will be kind enough to take me at my word when I say that I don't "imply" things. If I think them, I say them as clearly (albeit imperfectly) as I can. What I should probably do is just keep them to myself and not bother anybody.

There is probably a limit to the amount that one can apologize for an inappropriate post. To that end, please accept this as such an apology for having offended you or anyone else. I hope that if you can set aside for a moment your anger at me and re-read my posts in the context of the above explanation(s) they will seem less offensive. If not, again, I apologize. And Tom, please feel free to delete all of my posts from this thread once WonderingWife has had the opportunity to see my apology. I made an error in judgement and it has been made abundantly clear to me that for a host of reasons, my posts do not belong as part of this conversation. It won't happen again.

[wonderingwife]

G_H wrote:

but please try to set aside your anger at me when you read what follows.

What anger? Again conjecture. You’ve assumed something that isn’t right; the fact that your words were offensive and insulting, for me they were merely irksome, annoying, but they don't warrant the effort it would take to be "angered". In this latest post you have consistently used words that indicate I am probably an over wrought female and need to get ahold of myself, get ahold of an emotion you assumed I feeling, so I can think with some kind of logic. For women everywhere I am saying: We are quite capable of thinking with logic and “putting aside emotions-without being told we should” that might preclude us being logical. As far as your most recent post being deleted, to do so would mess with the continuity of the thread for anyone who would read at a later date. Removing it seems a bit silly.

Now, I said I wasn’t done with gungadn.

Gungadn wrote:

For those of us with Wives/Significant Others that don't fall into the above category. There is very little (actually no) valid information about, what is really in it for them. Why would they want to go through the hassle of holding the key? What do they get out of it?

I was glad to see gungadn write this.

Why would they want to go through the hassle of holding the key?

This is one of those things I have been meaning to get back to for days now and I think now, given the conversation that took place in the last few posts now is the time.

The "hassle" idea is what really struck a chord with me when I read it the first time. If a partner is already apprehensive about the idea of chastity play the idea of being in charge of the key may turn into system overload. With any kink comes responsibility and accountability for both partners. Bad dog commented a couple of nights ago the fact I am kinky on my own may be working against him and he may be right.

Why am I being such a snot about tagging myself a “key holder”? I know the bad dog, as soon as I say “Okay, I’ll take charge of the key(s)” he is going to assume that means I am willing to do this his way and he will forget everything I have said about why the idea doesn’t appeal to me. He is going to have to run to the end of his chain and get snapped back to the real world of what I can and can't do.

I’ve read enough, overall, not just on this site, to grasp the concept of what becoming a key holder means, it isn’t just taking a key and putting it on a chain it is an agreement to being part of the arrangement. It is not something that should be done without understanding what taking the key entails and what expectations the one who asked when they asked someone to become a key holder. If I agree to take on the moniker of key holder I am setting us both up to be disenchanted and hurt. He will have certain expectations when I agree to be the key holder and his expectations at this point will not work for me.

This is why I specifically told him I would put them on my key ring but I wouldn’t not be using them to unlock him so the message is clear that I am not becoming key holder, I am simply making sure if in the event a key is lost he will know where to find a spare rather than having to find the bolt cutters. Every time I get that image in my head I get one heel of a giggle fit going and have this urge to hide his set of keys and tell him I lost the spare keys just so I can watch him try to get a lock off the darn thing. The perilous of living with an ornery sadist.

Anyway, I can’t help but wonder when a partner is hesitant about taking charge of a key if maybe there isn’t some concern for exactly what their commitment when they agree to be the key holder. I know exactly what it will entail and I am balking, not because I don’t want him to have what he wants I am bulking because I know at this point, I can’t live up to the expectation he would have me as the key holder.