[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Last night, Red surprised me.

We were just sitting on the couch. An ordinary evening with nothing planned. Then she reached over and started teasing my nipple, casually, like it meant nothing. Except it meant everything to me. She didn’t say a word at first. Just claimed me. She teased me about how pathetic I am for getting so much out such a simple thing. Then her heel pressed into my balls, pinning me down while she kept toying with me, fully in control. No escalation. No promises. Just pain, pressure, and pleasure.
And then it was over.

She didn’t break the rules of our game. She affirmed them. I can’t expect anything. I can’t beg. But she’s always free to act on her desires.
I thanked her profusely for showing me this attention.

This game we’re playing… it’s not about teasing me with chances for pleasure. It’s about making space for her to lean into cruelty without guilt. I want her to feel free to be selfish, even petty. To remind herself, if she ever forgets, that the scales don’t have to balance. She holds the weight. I exist to serve. My denial isn’t a void. It’s something she can fill with her teasing, her amusement, or her indifference, depending on what she wants, not what I need.

If she rolled another 1, it would suck for me, but it would also be another two weeks of opportunities for her. To use me. Humiliate me. Remind me that I have no say in this. That I’m hers. And that even my suffering is for her pleasure.

And then, there was the dream.

I never remember my dreams, but I remembered this one I had last night. In the dream I walked into the bedroom late at night and found Red taking care of herself with her vibrator. I interrupted her. She was angry with me for doing it and rightly so. She told me to get out, said I was useless anyway, and not to come back to bed that night.

I felt ashamed. Like I’d failed. Like I was nothing.

And yet… I also felt happy. Not because she rejected me, but because she did it so effortlessly. As if it was obvious she didn’t need me. That dismissal felt like the truest kind of ownership. She didn’t need to punish me or make a scene. She just made me irrelevant.

That feeling of being set aside, not out of malice but indifference, is still with me now.

If this dream means anything, it’s that our dynamic isn’t just something I practice. It’s becoming part of me. Settling into my subconscious. And I want to go further.

I want to belong to her more deeply.
I want her to feel free to use me or ignore me without explanation.
I want her to feel powerful and never once guilty.

And I want to keep showing up.

[Tongue+groove]

The freedom to feel selfish and that the scales don’t have to balance were the toughest hurdles for Mrs. G to overcome. Some days they still are, it’s all in the journey.

Your game may be something I need to consider.

[Chosen_Jackal]

It’s way too early for me to say anything about how Red feels about it, but it’s doing exact what I hoped it would for me so far.
It’s removed the “what if” from my mind, thus allowing me to just be present.

Before noon today I’ve already had the honor of going down on her and she’s fondled my balls and played with my nipples.
I can’t expect or beg for anything and that makes me really appreciative of any interaction she has with me.

[Chosen_Jackal]

She added a week.

She added a week…
Just like that.

And I can’t even complain, because (a.) this is what I’ve wanted all along. Her to be more strict and dominant.
And (b.) I see in hindsight that I asked for it.

We were at a family gathering where we celebrated my twin aunts turning 70 today.
At one point I saw that some of my friends had sent me a message, asking if I was free to play online with them later today.
It’s been quite a while so I asked Red out loud, in a playful tone, if I could please be allowed to play with my friends later.

In front of everyone.

I see now that I put her on the spot. It was never my intention, but that’s doesn’t matter. She felt she had to say yes.
I’ve learned later that she would have said yes anyway.

A few hours later we were walking the dog and she brought it up.
She wasn’t mad, but she said I’d put her in the spot.
I found it funny, so I laughed when she pointed it out. Too loud for her taste, so she rapidly told me that’s another week until we roll again.
I shut up immediately.
I wasn’t mad or even upset.
I could find no fault in her reasoning. And I was turned on. Immensely.
I thanked her and apologized for the way I asked her in front of everyone.

I feel it’s important to repeat that she’s not angry with me, but she felt my actions needed a consequence.
This means that my next chance of rolling the die to see what will happen is August 1st.

God I love this woman.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I’m not complaining.
Not at all.
But she’s setting a hard pace for me considering it’s over three and a half weeks (minimum) until I can even hope for any stimulation or sexual pleasure.
Yeah, like I mentioned, she added another week.

But Red being Red means she’s not restricting herself in any way.
And her definition of what I get is completely hers to define.
Technically, I’m only barred from expecting anything. Or asking. Or begging.
She, on the other hand, is free to do whatever she wants.

And last night?
A day full of teasing ended with us in bed, where she licked lazily at my cock through the bars of my cage and muttered, “I spoil you.”
Then, almost as if she’d convinced herself otherwise, she started slapping my balls.
Harder than before.
She kept it up for a while before checking in:
“How you doing?”
I told her, truthfully, I was doing better than I expected.
She grinned. “How many hits was that?”
I hadn’t been counting. I didn’t know I was supposed to.
“Let’s say you can take fifteen, then. Now count.”

She didn’t ask if fifteen was too much. Or too little.
And my first thought was: she already hit me more than that during the warmup. So fifteen should be easy.
Turns out it’s not the number that matters. It’s the intensity.

The next fifteen hits were much harder.
But I managed.
And my body betrayed me, pressing my swollen cock against the bars of the cage.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I could tolerate being slapped like that.
Now? I liked it.
In a way that felt real.
Like she was helping me face something. Strip something down. Rebuild.

It’s taken time to even be comfortable calling myself submissive.
I still run into pockets of resistance, years of conditioning about how I’m supposed to present as a man.
But I can honestly say: I wouldn’t have been brave enough to open up this way without the work Red and I have put into communication.
And her reassurance, that my submission doesn’t make me any less "manly" in her eyes, has made all the difference.

Most people in my life would probably say I come across as confident and well-adjusted.
But there’s still a lot of insecurity under the surface.
Red helps me tackle them. Head on.

We ended the night the way we often do:
With me giving her what she wanted.
An orgasm, of course.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Rough start today.
Woke up horny as hell.
I made the mistake of mentioning that to Red and she amused herself by slapping them repeatedly. Hard I might add.

Like our good friend T&G says, it’s a good life!

[Tongue+groove]

Like our good friend T&G says, it’s a good life!