looking to become a serious keyholder

[annsummers20]

my bf and i are into bdsm and we're considering exploring chastity play. would love to hear some advice around here.

[denied_one]

It's great fun!

Communicate, Communicate, communicate

[Chosen_Jackal]

Chastity can be both fun and deeply meaningful. Just like BDSM there’s all sorts of way to practice it as long as you’re both enjoying yourself.
What is it that draws you two to chastity in the first place?

[Jon Descer]

I think the one big thing that's different from other BDSM things is how it ends, or doesn't really. Whatever you're into otherwise, normally when you're done, you're done; you stop, you shower or snuggle or whatever. But if you're doing chastity, he doesn't get to stop--it keeps going. Obviously that's the point but it messes with some people, and you both have to watch to see the effect it has on him, make sure it's not ultimately a negative, especially if he's trying to hit some arbitrary goal like 2 weeks or 30 days or whatever. Maybe he needs to work up to that, or maybe that's just never feasible for him as he drops into a depressive state after a week. But it may not be obvious. So, lots and lots of experimentation, and reasonable expectations, not the fantasies online about "First lockup is 90 days" stuff. Assuming he can even manage that outside of the physical problems like cleanliness or comfort when doing certain activities (exercise or a physical labor, usually).

[annsummers20]

Chastity can be both fun and deeply meaningful. Just like BDSM there’s all sorts of way to practice it as long as you’re both enjoying yourself.
What is it that draws you two to chastity in the first place?

I guess it's just because chastity play is something we haven't explored yet and it sounded intriguing. Right now, we're trying to look for a chastity cage we could use soon.

[annsummers20]

I think the one big thing that's different from other BDSM things is how it ends, or doesn't really. Whatever you're into otherwise, normally when you're done, you're done; you stop, you shower or snuggle or whatever. But if you're doing chastity, he doesn't get to stop--it keeps going. Obviously that's the point but it messes with some people, and you both have to watch to see the effect it has on him, make sure it's not ultimately a negative, especially if he's trying to hit some arbitrary goal like 2 weeks or 30 days or whatever. Maybe he needs to work up to that, or maybe that's just never feasible for him as he drops into a depressive state after a week. But it may not be obvious. So, lots and lots of experimentation, and reasonable expectations, not the fantasies online about "First lockup is 90 days" stuff. Assuming he can even manage that outside of the physical problems like cleanliness or comfort when doing certain activities (exercise or a physical labor, usually).

ahh i see. i guess my bf has to do his own research too huh

[Jon Descer]

Research to a point, but mostly, actual experimentation. You can read all day long but that doesn't tell you how YOUR body and mind will react.

[gungadn]

I think the one big thing that's different from other BDSM things is how it ends, or doesn't really. Whatever you're into otherwise, normally when you're done, you're done; you stop, you shower or snuggle or whatever. But if you're doing chastity, he doesn't get to stop--it keeps going. Obviously that's the point but it messes with some people, and you both have to watch to see the effect it has on him, make sure it's not ultimately a negative, especially if he's trying to hit some arbitrary goal like 2 weeks or 30 days or whatever. Maybe he needs to work up to that, or maybe that's just never feasible for him as he drops into a depressive state after a week. But it may not be obvious. So, lots and lots of experimentation, and reasonable expectations, not the fantasies online about "First lockup is 90 days" stuff. Assuming he can even manage that outside of the physical problems like cleanliness or comfort when doing certain activities (exercise or a physical labor, usually).

ahh i see. i guess my bf has to do his own research too huh

Just a reality check. There is no "right way" or "wrong way" to experience chastity. It is your journey. Whatever the two of you communicate and agree to together, that works for YOU is YOUR RIGHT WAY. Yes, the internet is full of stories... remember, most of the stories are written by Horney men writing out their fantasies, not their reality.
Yes, some people are locked long-term and seldom, if ever, have penetrative sex with their wives. But, there are also lots of people who use chastity as foreplay, and the cage is usually only on for a couple of hours, never more than a day. And, of course, everything in between. BOTH ARE VALID. (and there are members that are examples of both on these forums).

So, never worry that you are doing it the "wrong way". Concentrate on communicating with your partner and develop "your way" which is the right way for the two of you.