How not to top from the bottom?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Or, how respect my key holders wish for her to be the one to come up with what we do, or do not do.

I’ve been the one who’s kept our family and life together running smoothly for the last two decades and I’m a planner and researcher by nature.
So while we’re both very new to this journey of me being kept in chastity I’m pretty far ahead of her when it comes to researching the subject.

I have lots of ideas and wishes of course, but one of the things she has said is that she wants to come up with her own way of doing things. She wants it to feel like her decisions isn’t influenced by me.

I love that!
And I’m frustrated because my mind immediately goes to problem solving mode when we encounter a bump Jen the road.
I’m trying hard to not to tell her what I fantasize about and what I wish from this, but it’s hard.

Is there anyone with some good advice or tips on how to still that internal need to be on top of things all the time?
It’s doesn’t get easier when you consider how turned on I get by this new path we’re on and that makes my mind race even faster.

[Keeping Him]

Isn’t this the point? That you give up your control?
Perhaps when your “need to be on top of things all the time” rears up, you stop and do something for her. That’s your job now. Let go of being in charge.
She is the boss now (if it’s going to work). She has told you this already. Are you listening?
Things may not run smoothly. They most definitely won’t be optimized. Accept this.
Your only job is to shush and ride out the throbbing in your cage.
Sshhhh.
Surrender.

kh

[Mr Pickle]

Unfortunately this isn't about your fantasies or what ideas you had.
I certainly didn't get what I expected...or did I?

What C is doing isn't what I wanted initially but what she wants must certainly be what I want now right? The real thing. Genuine unexplored territory.

Yes it is complicated..but I can assure you that your journey will not start to evolve until you step back and stop trying to lead or offer guidence or point things out or try to be helpful.
Forget whatever you have read about othe people or what others have written. That stuff isn't about you or her.

Let go and let it get exciting. This is a voyage of discovery maybe for a life time. It isn't a quickie in the back seat.

[Chosen_Jackal]

You are both obviously right. I guess my post was written from fear of me acting the way I’ve usually been in the past whenever we’ve started something new and exciting for both of us.

What I’ve noticed though it that the cage it’s self is the perfect reminder for me to shut up.
She’s made it clear to me that she is the one initiating things from now on.
For example she told me not to offer or ask for any sexual services. I’m more than welcome to offer massages or foot rubs etc, but she is perfectly capable of deciding whenever she wants anything else herself.


Today is Friday morning here in Norway and I’ve been locked up since Tuesday afternoon. All in all it’s going much better than I ever dared hope for. I’m blessed to have a partner that goes along with me and exceeds my dreams.

[gggxthree]

This sadly is also where I am. I'm slowly learning to shut up and get in the passenger seat. I may need a muzzle and a seat belt, lol

[KnownAsHerbert]

Isn’t this the point? That you give up your control?
Perhaps when your “need to be on top of things all the time” rears up, you stop and do something for her. That’s your job now. Let go of being in charge.
She is the boss now (if it’s going to work). She has told you this already. Are you listening?

Firm words there, but true and accurate.

Similar to what @Mr Pickle described here too, what I ended up with does not match what I expected. In my case, Miss Emmie, my keyholder, had read, learnt, thought, and decided how things were going to be once the lock was locked. She surprised me. And by then it was too late. As above, I had given up control and she was (and still is) the boss now.

You will also realise, if you haven't already, the she is the boss of everything. Not just sex. Not just your willy. You have to do as you are told now.

[Tongue+groove]

When we started this a year ago she told me I would have to teach her how to be a kh. That made it difficult to not be topping. She’s Leary of internet research on the topic. She has come a long way naturally. She hasn’t asked about her progress in many months. Once she saw the benefits she started taking off.

Now when she sees me locked she doesn’t express concern, she just giggles at it. Sometimes she completely ignores mr. Wanky as this is his new normal position in life.

I have to be cautious about opening my mouth, but only because I want to serve her more. When she does ask for more I cringe wishing she would just expect it. I know BCFWYWF but isn’t that why we have a safe word.

That reminds me, the last time she spanked me she didn’t ask me to confirm the safe word. Just another small step forward that is so easily overlooked.

[gggxthree]

BCFWYWF
What is this?

[Tongue+groove]

Be careful what you wish for. Sorry I got an extra F in there.

[denied_one]

Be Careful What You Wish For Indeeed