New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

[gungadn]

@GungaDN you say you have it on for months at a time? I guess I don't have to worry that I'm putting him in danger. It's true that he probably knows what he's doing since he's done this before.

You do not need to worry about putting him in danger. What I meant by he knows what hes doing is more along the lines of: If there is a problem. If he is getting irritation or discomfort or anything that would cause the need for the cage to be removed, he can feel it... He knows what is going on with his body.

Just so I don't get caught out with acronyms, is "PA" just "Prince Albert" and not some technical term besides that?

Yes, sorry, PA = Prince Albert Piercing. They actually do a pretty good job of cleaning themselves. Urine is sterile when it first leaves the body. My cage is more like a tube similar to what Tom Allen wears.

[anominus]

Insist he keeps a tamper-evident key with him - say, inside a piece of paper with a doodle you made, wrapped tightly in a duct tape, for emergencies.

There will be times when he needs it removed which will not be convenient for you for whatever reason.

[Keyholder_V]

Okay I'm glad to hear I'm not putting him in danger at least, although you're right that he most likely knows what he's doing.

Anominus, that's a really good idea, thanks! I hadn't even thought about the need for a key of I'm not around!

I brought up the subject at lunch today with him and asked him whether he had considered using a professional keyholder. He said he had considered it but that he preferred having a live-in keyholder, just in case. He asked if I was requesting payment like a professional and I said no - to be honest it would be something to benefit me without having to be involved physically, but I feel really awkward asking for money - I can't help thinking that the platonic friendship we have would go sour. Besides, he's already paying rent for his room and I already find that to be a point I prefer to avoid discussing since the home situation feels more like friends-as-flatmates than landlady/tenant.

I also brought up the fact that I've been doing my research (thanks guys ( ) and that I would be more comfortable if I gave him the key once a month rather than once a week, and that it shouldn't be a problem. He's thinking about it, but we agreed that I would give him the key tonight as previously planned.

I'm only planning on literally handing the key over and accepting it back later, but I'm feeling very apprehensive about the whole thing. I suppose I just need to go through it once - either it will be smooth and no awkwardness, or it will be awkward and I'll just give the keys back...
V

[KittensBoyToy]

I will repeat what has already been said...YOU are in charge! During the initial conversation with him you asked to see the cage. I'm assuming that when he showed it to you he was wearing it. If so then that bridge has already been crossed without seeming to affect the platonic nature of the relationship.

What ever the frequency of him having the keys for cleaning and maintenance is decided stick to it. If he pushes for more involvement on your part you always have the power to say no and end it by returning the keys. By the same token, it is in your power to up your participation. For example, he talked about being unlocked for supervised cleaning and sex play. Sex play in this situation is, understandably, out of the question but you could tell him you reserve the right to supervise the cleaning at your discretion. That doesn't mean you will sit and watch him shower or bath but that you COULD walk in on him at any time.

The service aspect is another subject. Most of us are highly submissive to our keyholders. We consider them our Mistresses or Goddesses and treat them as such. While that is not your case, you may find him volunteering to help out more around the house. It helps you out and may feed his submissive needs/fantasies. If he offers more personal services like the foot rubs mentioned before or pedicures I would advise extreme caution. While you could possibly accept them with no sexual overtones, to most subs these are highly sexual acts.

Again, you are in charge here and the boundaries are up to you to both set and enforce.

[Keyholder_V]

Thanks KittensBoyToy, I think I need to adjust mentally - maybe it's obvious I'm not naturally dominant, although to be honest I've never really considered seeing if there is that side to me. "I'm in control" needs to be a mantra when I'm feeling apprehensive.

On a positive note, this evening's key exchange was somewhat of an anticlimax I think - after having read so much I was prepared for goodness-knows-what, but in the end, I gave him the key, he disappeared off to the bathroom (for just under an hour..? I guess I don't need that much imagination lol) and then came back and handed them to me while I was watching TV. If this is all it is then I can deal with being a keyholder. We had a quick conversation about the next time and he tried to negotiate to two weeks but I stuck to my guns and we agreed a month.

Thank you so much guys for giving me a more realistic window into what I was to expect and I have noted the points about foot massages and that I should approach them with caution. I can't say I've noticed much change in his day-to-day helpfulness around the house, although he's always been tidy anyway.

I know where to come if things start to change or if I get nervous in about 26 days time .

V

[Tom Allen]

and then came back and handed them to me while I was watching TV. If this is all it is then I can deal with being a keyholder. We had a quick conversation about the next time and he tried to negotiate to two weeks but I stuck to my guns and we agreed a month.

If you are not in a relationship, then yes, that's all it takes.

Be careful about negotiating longer times, though. You've started off doing him a favor, but by demanding he move from a week to a month you are crossing into domme territory.

[Keyholder_V]

Be careful about negotiating longer times, though. You've started off doing him a favor, but by demanding he move from a week to a month you are crossing into domme territory.

This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view.

I don't plan on changing anything any time soon, but I guess in an odd way me doing the minimum satisfies both of us in very different ways. As long as I can find peace with the knowledge of the satisfaction he finds in it, and as long as he doesn't suddenly start to ask me to do more then this is an arrangement that can work. I hope.

V

[TwistedMister]

This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view.

Yes, I find the psychological aspect to be extremely interesting, it's a sort of reversal of what one might consider 'normal' expectations.

I'd be very interested in hearing about how this goes for you, if you don't mind updating us from time to time? There is no requirement to do so, I'm just very curious by nature.

[Tom Allen]

This whole "the less you do the more it satisfies him" is a conundrum. I'm not planning to do more in order to achieve the opposite!?! This is really interesting from a psychological point of view.

There is a lot about "enforced" denial that is paradoxical, and psychologically interesting.

Okay, it sounds like you've put some good thought into this. I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there who would be rather envious of the thought that you as a dispassionate keyholder have put into this while their own partners have absolutely no interest at all.

[jmac32here]

This is certainly a thing, and by all means feel free to setup any boundaries you feel the need to.

I myself tend to have a few different keyholders, most of which are only involved enough to get daily pictures of me wearing the cage and underwear.
As this is what anyone who signs up for a turn as my own keyholder agrees to at a minimum.
(All my keyholders and sessions are done remotely and controlled online.)

However, they can get more involved if they wanted to - either by picking out my cages or underwear (they get some say as to underwear types when they sign up) or by picking out cages.

I'd let any keyholder who happens to be local to me as well the ability to come see it in person and stuff.
(Have played with one key holder.)

So you can get as involved as you feel comfortable doing with him, and if you decide to get more involved - I'm sure it could find ways to benefit you both. (Like not letting him have the keys unless he helps with a chore..lol)