Negotiating permanent chastity in a relationship

[Shepherdsflock]

Need some input from other members that have gone the permanent chastity route. Last night my wife and I had a small fight because she is having second thoughts about keeping me locked up permanently. She has zero desire at all for using my penis, but is feeling guilty because she thinks it's cruel and I should get to have intercourse and orgasm once in a while (even though she hates every second of it).

What would you do? I made it past the first few weeks when I was the one having second thoughts, but now my wife is having issues. Any suggestions? Just when I had begun to accept that chastity would be permanent for me, she is having doubts.

[locked4her55]

Unless you have a personal goal to not ever have another orgasm I would go along with what my KH/Wife wants. I find with my own situation that pleasing my wife goes a very long way. If PIV is not her thing then have it happen another way and when it does happen, thank her for allowing you to have an O.

This may just be a phase but if she truly can't get over the "it's cruel" then say to her, "I want to please you in every way I can so if me having an orgasm would make you feel better then how would you like me to have one?"

[Shepherdsflock]

I'm just struggling with her change of mind. Three weeks ago she was the one who wanted permanent chastity. Now she changes her mind.

[locked4her55]

That's a woman for ya. She's entitled. I believe you will benefit in the long run by appeasing her.

[Shepherdsflock]

Well leave it to a woman to keep you guessing. Friday night, when we had our disagreement, we were both tired and knew we weren't going to do anything. She just made the comment that she thought permanent chastity was cruel and I should be released periodically.

So, last night, she decided to put on a nightie I bought her a while back. I figured she was up to something, because she almost never wears something sexy for me without me asking. We got to playing, and I asked her if after her comments from the night before was she going to unlock me? She said she wasn't sure, we'd just have to see.

Well, I'm pretty sure now that she knew all along what she wanted to do with me. The answer was no, I was staying locked. The same woman who said I should be unlocked the night before definitely had no intention of unlocking me last night.

She teased me pretty good. She even spent a fairly long period having me do rub my cage against her vagina. That drives me nuts with frustration, it's so humiliating.

So, I have no idea now where I stand. Our agreement a few weeks ago was permanent chastity, then Friday night she said I should be released periodically, but when given the chance she kept me locked and absolutely reveled in my chastity taking great pleasure in letting me know I wasn't allowed to use my penis. Women; who can understand them?

[TwistedMister]

'Permanent' chastity does not have to mean 'no more intercourse or orgasms ever again'.

It can simply mean that the is 'in control', and you do not get them until and unless she allows it.

How and when that occurs can be either her decision, or by means of chance (marble game, dice, some other method), or as a 'reward' you have to earn (or a penalty? depending on one's point of view?).

Seriously, don't let yourselves get caught up in the idea that it has to be 'one way' and there is no other way to do it. There are many possibilities,you and she just need to get your heads wrapped around that and choose a method that appeals to your senses of adventure...and, what you choose now doesn't have to stay the same forever, that can change whenever you/she wants (or by some means that you negotiate between you).

Perhaps, there could even be a 'substitute' who could provide intercourse in her stead, if she really hates it that much...although I would be *very* careful about making that kind of suggestion...I don't know her at all, or how she might react to it...I know that such a suggestion would be a complete non-starter with Mrs. Twisted- there have been times when we have discussed certain aspects of activities involving other people, and about myself and other women, and on one occasion she said "Whatever else you might do, I don't want to know about it but the one thing you cannot do is fuck another woman"...

So, what you need to do is have a discussion with her about how often she thinks you should be allowed, and what means she will use to determine if, when and how. There are many options, and she could have a considerable amount of fun and amusement with it.

[Shepherdsflock]

Involving other women is definitely a "NO". I don't want that and I'm certain she wouldn't either. Not only do I have moral convictions about it, but the level of drama and complication involved with more than one woman in my life would be unbearable. One woman is trouble enough.

[Curry]

Man, so much great advice here. 55 and Twisted know what they are talking about. There is no one way, and I hate when people say there is. It's a turnoff. It's whatever works for your couple. I especially like 55's response for her. "I want to please you...how would you like me to have one?" That's it right there.

So helpful to read about everyone else's methods and ways while trying to find our own.

[VinnyDee]

I think permanent chastity has gone through most of our minds but it is one of those things that sounds better than it is. I have gone no longer than 4 months and that was really pushing it. It feel great to think you are in permanent chastity but when the initial excitement wears off, it is not so much fun anymore.

My wife also feels like yours and what we discovered is that without the hope of an orgasm, I lost interest in sex and my wife no longer had any control over me since nothing I could do would get me an orgasm. In year 4 we are doing much shorter periods of time, 4 weeks max and then a two weeks break before I lock up again and start the next cycle. After 3 years of continuous lock up, we are winging it this year. I usually start by going a week on the honor system and then lock up and am denied for at least 2 more weeks but 4 max.

Why don't you try for a 2 or 3 month chastity period before you commit to a permanent one. Also keep in mind that wives like to make us cum as much as we like to make them cum.

[Shepherdsflock]

I think my wife is one of the few that does not like to make me cum, because for us that would involve intercourse and she hates intercourse.

But, I'm willing to do any length of time. I just want both of us committed to it and going in the same direction.

With my wife, it's a matter of conscience. She felt guilty knowing I would never have an ordinary PIV orgasm again. And yet, after her feelings of guilt, she did not unlock me last night. In fact, she seemed to enjoy my state of chastity more than usual. Kind of confusing to me. One night she feels guilty about keeping me locked up, and the next night she's teasing me more than she ever has and enjoying it.