Dealing with Good Times, Bad Times of Chastity

[knighterrant]

I find it interesting that there is a good deal of discussion about the positive effects of chastity play. Our use of chastity and devices are really a tool with which she can exert control.

So, while I greatly appreciate the effects chastity has on our relationship, I have good days and bad days. What I mean is that generally, I don't really like being locked up. It is both a form of discipline in our relationship and can also be punitive. I am not locked up 24/7 and I don't want to be. I am locked up when she decides I need to be, and with the threat of the cage my behavior is one thousand times better.

My point is, that there are days for me when being locked and denied are somewhat depressing. Prior to chastity in our relationship, she readily admits that she used to give in to me and we had sex more on my terms. Now our sexual relationship is truly driven by her libido, and when it doesn't meet my needs, there are days that I will admit are tough. So, it's not all a bed of roses even if the net result is a great improvement in our communication and the quality of our relationship.

So is it just me, or do you have good days and bad days when you just struggle with being locked up and not getting your way? I always describe it to her as "feeling hormonal" which she relates to. The way I usually deal with it is to keep myself busy, work, and exercise etc. How do others deal with the emotional highs and lows of having your sex drive under her control even on days your just not feeling it?

[Shepherdsflock]

We have gone through the same thing, and it was much worse before chastity. My wife has always had a low (or I swear non-existent) libido. She is never interested in sexual activity. The last year or so, she's been kind of getting into it once I get her going, but if I don't get things started she wouldn't even think about it.

We had many fights about it. Chastity has helped quite a bit. She doesn't have to put much effort into playing around without intercourse, so she's more willing to play around some nights. We still have occasional fights about me wanting sexual activity and her just not feeling like it, but it is far less frequent.

[Veganpunk]

I have good days and bad. We've only been doing this since around July, but I know where you are coming from. Two days ago, I gave her an orgasm, then we had PIV. I asked if I can cum, and she said no. I was in bliss. Great night all around. The next day I woke up feeling good. She didn't ask me to lock back up, so I assumed we would play again that night. Later in the day, (she was reading a book on chastity I recommended) she told me she doesn't need sex tonight, as she got her fill the night before, and was satisfied. She has a lower libido than I, and that's when chastity becomes hard. I was upset, a little mad, and extremely frustrated. I DID NOT take it out on her. I bottled it up and sat back and thought.
I came to the conclusion that she is in control, and that is what I asked for. I locked myself back up, came out and gave her a hug, and told her I love her. Once you truly accept what this is, it becomes easier I think.
I am sure there will still be hard moments, but I think it helps you grow as a person, with patience and understanding. I locked back up yesterday, knowing full well that we will probably not get to play tonight either, as it's New Years Eve, and the kids will want to stay up until midnight. Oh well. I have come to the conclusion that I will not get any more orgasms this year, but we will also end this year the closest we've been in years.

EDIT- The irony is the book I gave her was the Sarah Jameson 11 Awesome Tease And Denial Ideas, which I was hoping she would get some ideas for teasing, when she's not necessarily in the mood. Instead she took from it that she doesn't want to have sex every night, and told me so that day, lol.

[TwistedMister]

How do others deal with the emotional highs and lows of having your sex drive under her control even on days your just not feeling it?

I do not experience these 'highs and lows', so I really can't relate. My wobbly bits are locked up because she wants it that way, and that's the way it is. On infrequent occasions I get the feeling of 'this is stupid/silly' to have agreed to abdicate power/control to my wife who is keeping my bits under lock and key, but the vast majority of the time I am experiencing some level of titillation/arousal at the fact that my wife has the unilateral power to keep my bits locked in a cage and control my sexual activities.

[Locked by LRC]

There are times when in my mind I'm frustrated. Then I think again "Hey, I've got a wife that was willing to partake in my kink. Damm, I one luck horney guy." Then I realize I'm just hyper-excited and this is what I want when I'm not so desperate.

I guess another way to say it is what you are calling the bad times is actually part of the good times. The rollercoaster of chastity. The ups and downs are all part of the thrill.

[Edgewood]

For me chastity can often be pretty challenging and those challenges can present themselves in any number of ways.

Sometimes it can be the inconvenience of dealing with the device, other times t's the uncomfortable morning wood, and then there are the days where I don't seem at all affected by the device and I could back out so easily that the whole practice just seems silly. (Ultimately I would like to be pierced to eliminate this.)

But the biggest challenge by far are the days where I wonder if I'm putting too much energy into this kink and indulging myself too much.

I'm not sure I could lend much insight on how to deal with these things but staying busy with the rest of your life seems to be the best cure. But there's no question you are not alone in this issue.

[Happywomanajl]

I totally agree. I wish there was more practical guidance and support on how to handle the negative side of being locked. It would be eased if our keyholders teased more or engaged more but I think it is hard for them to know when and at what frequency and at some point it defeats the purpose. The benefits are massive, but making it through some days are tough.

I've wondered about the benefits of a support group or of finding a fellow journeyman and supporting each other through our respective struggles.

[locked4her55]

How do others deal with the emotional highs and lows of having your sex drive under her control even on days your just not feeling it?

I guess I'm lucky that I feel the high of being locked up most days. My lows come. . well. . just after I've cum. The only other lows I experience is when things happen that she doesn't desire any sexual attention from me. After about a week or so of no sexual contact or verbal interaction I'm feeling

[attentive_husband]

Part of me wished my wife would tease me every waking moment. But I realize if she did, then it loses a lot of it's effect. So there's times I go days with her doing nothing and I don't like that. But it means every opportunity has me hoping "maybe, maybe" and that makes the teasing even more intense.

But more important, the chastity has made our relationship so much better, for both of us. So the times I am insane with desire to orgasm and I can't - that's the trade-off for the better relationship. And I don't think you get one without the other.

So I don't view it as bad times, I view it as necessary trade-offs where I gain a lot more than I lose.

[VinnyDee]

I am the opposite. I prefer to be locked up and when I am not, such as when I have skin problems, I often lock myself up too early because I miss it so much. I feel completely different when I am locked. I love the feeling of constant sexual arousal and when I lose it, life feels boring and sex is not as good. I will admit that I am a sexual masochist so chastity is in my wheelhouse.

I get depressed when I am not locked up. My wife will ask me why I look so sad and I will tell her that I am bored with everything. I just love to feel like I need an orgasm. It was not always that way but a few years of it got me used to it. I would not do it if I my wife and I did not enjoy it every day. She loves to tease me every chance she gets. We do a little D/s stuff but we both know it is temporary role playing. We slip in and out of our roles as the mood strikes us.

Sorry to hear you have bad times. I used to have a few bad days about two years ago but since then, I have grown to love being denied. I am not going to say that there are no days when I feel that I must orgasm, but it passes quickly when I get involved in something that takes my mind off of it.