What is Chastity - locked and/or orgasm denial.

[lockedsteve]

Sometimes I find it confusing when a post says that they are or are going to, be locked up in long term chastity, only to find out that they are not talking about orgasm denial but rather just being locked up. Even the Merriam-Webster definition of Chastity does not seem to exclude orgasms, must intercourse.

Full Definition of CHASTITY

: the quality or state of being chaste: as
a : abstention from unlawful sexual intercourse
b : abstention from all sexual intercourse
c : purity in conduct and intention
d : restraint and simplicity in design or expression

Seems that chastity does not even mean orgasm denial. That is OK. Even cuckold does not mean what it is defined as. It is defined differently in context of the cuckold fetish. I can understand and accept that. However, when it comes to chastity, it is not clear at all what it means. Does it mean simply locked up or locked up and denied orgasms for entire chastity period. I usually use "orgasm denial" and then state that I am also locked up 24/7. Sometimes I do simply use chastity to mean orgasm denial. To complicate matters, you can do orgasm denial without being locked up as I started out doing.

While it really does not matter what people do or call it, for clarity of posting what do you suggest that guys say? Just a fun question I thought of after reading about how this one guy is in permanent chastity and find out that he is having an orgasm a week. I will admit that as an old guy, I do chuckle when I read someone say that they are in hell because they have not had an orgams in 3 days. When I was a young man, that would have been hell to me too. These days I do not start feeling it is hell until 2 months have passed. A benefit for chastity but not so great when you are not into orgasm denial.

OK, so what is it? For the sake of clarity and an end to topic posts that lure you in with promises of hearing about long term chastity or even permanent chastity, only to find that they are just talking about wearing a chastity device and not orgasm denial or at least orgasm denial that matches the time period of their lockup? What about the definition of chastity not even meaning orgasm denial? What is with that? It seems to be a problem with other fetishes to and sometimes seems to be an attempt to feel that they are part of the forum group into that fetish. I often read about guys in a MMF threesome saying that they were cuckolded when in fact, it was just a threesome. However, some guys feel that if their wife has sex with any other guy, they are a cuckold. My wife and I swapped with friends once, so does that make me a cuckold too? You see the confusion. If I am going to be called a pervert, I want to make sure it is for the right reasons.

[Surrendered to Bec]

For Bec and I it is simply that I am locked and denied orgasm for as long as she desires. Yes we are still new to it at only 3 months.
Bec has let me out for sex twice in that period. Each time was after about 1 month of lockup. Who knows when or if I'll be let out again... It is totally at Bec's discretion.
So does that count as chastity? I would say that it does. While I'm locked I'm not getting any release.

[Tom Allen]

Fifteen years ago I had noted that there was a variety of definitions in the chastity/OD community, and that hasn't changed. The common questions, or points of interest are often things like:

Does removing the device count? For cleaning? For work/travel? For sex?
Is teasing okay?
Does non-device denial count?
Does intercourse without orgasm count?
Do ruined orgasms count?
If ruined, what style of ruining is acceptable?

It eventually becomes a competition, with guys trying to outdo each other - often by redefining the terms. This is more of an issue with newbs or guys without partners. Those of us who have been doing this a while tend to stop getting hung up on the details and just enjoy the ride.

[lockedsteve]

I agree. I have found it confusing since we have only been doing this for two years an I never knew what the poster was saying. While I do not find it a competition, since we do things as we like, I will admit that I do chuckle when I am struggling with a few months of no orgasm and I read some young stud posting that he feels like he is in hell because it has been three days since his last orgasm. How I wish I was back in those days where even one day without an orgasm was difficult to endure. At my age I do not get antsy until at least 3 weeks of orgasm denial and that keeps getting longer and longer as I get older.

@ Tom Allen, is Southern New England a term or just your description? As a long time New Yorker, I never heard that term used.

[Michele]

My super easy definition: chastity is... What you want it to be and how you want to do it! No one has the end all definition of how chastity has to be for anyone!

[peter_rabbit]

I'm glad to hear these responses. On another forum, I reported truthfully what I accomplished in 2014, and was told that "wasn't much chastity". I try not to get baited into the competition thing, because really it's what she wants that matters. There's no One True Way. When I get focused on objectives and calendars, it gets "selfish" for us.

However, the slippery definition does cause issue with communication of experiences. I do think time periods of being locked in a device, and duration since last unconstrained erection, masturbation, intercourse, ejaculation, and orgasm pretty clear.

I admit that I once came up with a two-dimensional matrix of sexual activities and outcomes, and tracked statuses in a spreadsheet. It was insane... great for OCD types. I think it was days since {hands-free, prostate, my hands, partner's hands, oral, vaginal} vs {locked, free and flaccid, erection, pre-cum, ejaculation, orgasm}. I suppose that could really be 3 or 4 dimensional.... Anyway you can see how complicated one can get.

[Caged55]

My super easy definition: chastity is... What you want it to be and how you want to do it! No one has the end all definition of how chastity has to be for anyone!

Chastity is what you want it to be, we all have different experiences and different levels of commitment to chastity.
Chastity as such is staying chaste, whether with or without a device. My KH prefers that I am locked permanently and only released under her supervision and when she does the un-locking! But before I would try and stay true to being chaste using the honor system, which I admit did not always work, and which has dramatically changed since we/she implemented permanent chastity and holds the key (incl. the spare)... just my 2cents worth on the topic

[wmpwiwlw]

yeah this has always been confusing for me also. I've read of others saying they are permanently locked yet they are let out every week or two for cleaning or teasing. I guess the only solution is if you are really that interested in what another couple is doing then you might have to clarify with them if its that important. For example I am permanently locked. To some that could mean alot of differnt things. But for me and my wife it means the device does not come off for any reason(within reason lol). For me its kind of easy to keep on since I never fly, rarely go to the doctor, and cant think of time I went some where with metal detectors. Now as far as orgasm denial the goal is permanent but being realistic thats not possible. Accidents are going to happen and to be honest if I get horny enough i can orgasm with the cage on. And of course there is the hitachi magic wand and as many of you know that wicked little thing can make pretty much anyone orgasm cage or not. So yeah I see lots of confushion going on in many forums about this sort of thing. And of course to top things off even more we really never know when someone is being truthful or not.