[ontosomething] adding another layer

[Ontosomething]

Looks like I missed a weekend

10/28
Emotions day, ho-lee-fuck were those intense. Fear, jealousy (of a stupid dog…. yep that happened), hope, love, etc. It was a broad range, and they were all in full effect. I’m learning that I like feeling emotion and have the capability to express them properly.

[Ontosomething]

10/29
Holy shit, what has happened to me. I’m a horny mess wanting a release by my mistress and beautiful wife. It’s like no other woman even exists to me. I want to hold her and kiss her and lick her so badly I’d leave work nearly instantly if she said come home now and get me off. I cant wait until I can leave work to go home and see my wonderful wife. I’m hoping she lets me cum, but she might not. I really hope I’m allowed to, her balls feel so damn full that there’s a constant throbbing. My mind has like 2 switches right now, going between wife and work. WOW, back from lunch, and I’m good I’m good I’m good…..uh I’m not good. Anxiety level is insane currently and all I want to do is talk/text with my wife. I also know I have to be good to have any chance at her and that still might mean I don’t get a release. Scared, horny, anxious…I feel like a school boy going on his first date. I cannot believe the level of caring I have right now.

[Ontosomething]

Missed a few days in here.

11/5 - Election Day here in the US. It’s day 2 since I came in my wife. I didn’t ask permission this time and she didn’t say anything so I got away with one here. Yesterday I felt drained and lethargic most of the day. Last night, I got a hard spanking right on the front porch for not having the grill already cleaned; first with her hand and then with the grilling board. That took about an hour to calm down from, let alone wondering if any neighbors heard/saw what happened.

Today I woke up ridiculously hard and super horny, no touching was difficult to say the least. In the past I would have gone and hid in the bathroom and watched porn to “relieve myself.” 6 months ago, I would have just taken care of my “needs” in the shower (no porn). Today, I finished up my daily morning routine and climbed back into bed with my wife for nearly half an hour. I nearly fell back asleep spooning her. What I previously thought were my “needs” were not real needs. They were thoughts and wants. The real need (intimate closeness) was satisfied as soon as I held my wife as she slept. I got hard once or twice, but just let the feeling pass and enjoyed the cuddling. I’m surprisingly calm currently, and just enjoying the day, which to me, means the actual need has been satisfied. Kid is sick, so not expecting or even hoping for tonight. I’m ok with this, as I don’t have that constant arousal just yet.
Wife just asked if I wanted tacos for dinner….I answered playfully about loving her taco(s). Then I had the following thought. To ask if I can eat her ‘taco’ tonight and inform her that I don’t need to cum as I have just 2 days ago. WTF is going on in my mind. I have never once had even an inkling of this. Have I switched to having an understanding that sex is far more than my ejaculation? That singular thought was a serious mind-fuck for me. My understanding has always been that my release along with the hormones associated with orgasm is the finale of sorts. It always has been, always will be……or not? Could I cum? Absolutely, but as I previously noted from this morning, is it really a need? The answer is no, it’s just not. That said this is fucking with my head immensely. How can a man consciously reject his ability to ejaculate. I mean I’ve stopped and ended sex many times when it was obvious that one of us just wasn’t into it plenty before, but the end goal always existed. And now here I am contemplating asking if I can bring her to orgasm but not enjoy one myself.

Forget tonight, my wife has been dealing with a sick kid all day and her energy is depleted. I’m happy to jump in and take over when I get home from work to give her a break. Maybe a nice foot massage and back rub once we get the kids to bed will rejuvenate her energy a little bit. My dick and brain remain at odds and I still cannot comprehend what is going through my head.

11/6
Last night - my wife preemptively said not tonight if that’s ok, after dealing with a sick and needy kid all day, and I guess I gave off a vibe or an odd look even though I wasn’t upset at all one bit. She sensed the butthurt that wasn’t there and started to go with didn’t we just…….and I’m still trying to figure out how the following words then came out of my mouth. Of course it’s no problem at all, I just came 2 days ago and don’t really need to but was going to ask if you’d like me to give you an orgasm or two with my tongue. “I want to my [use my tablet].” You can do that while I use my tongue. No, I just want to relax a bit. Ok no problem.

WHAT THE FUCK??? Did those words seriously come out of my mouth? From a man who would happily fuck his woman 3x a day if he could. A man that less than a year ago, was hiding and watching porn to satisfy himself and ignoring his wife. A man who less than 2-3 months ago, still masturbated at least a couple times a week, and yet, I just told my wife that I don’t need to cum? Later that night sitting on the back porch with her, I just about involuntarily rubbed her feet for a while. I still have no idea why her feet are so appealing to me now. I’ve never been a foot guy in the past, so this is still new to me. It isn’t just a physical touch thing, but I’m confused as to why it’s manifesting as a desire to play with her feet.

This morning I was horny as hell, but only for a short time period. Subsided and I’m just going about my day without issue. The mental shift to sex is a want/desire and not a need actually feels kinda good. She did tell me a couple days ago that she may be neglecting me for a little bit while she works on a ‘for her’ project and apologizes in advance as this is important to her.

[Ontosomething]

11/7

Morning routine and cuddles. Got ready, went to work, and around 10am, she texts me a seizure alert. I was on the phone and felt like shit that I was unable to assist at the time, but called as soon as I was off the phone. She got through it ok. I only did a 1/2 day at work to come home and let her rest along with me not wanting her driving afterwards.

That evening, after kids are down to bed, and I’ve handled literally everything down to being scolded about the way I was feeding the dogs making me get really really upset. Told my thoughts to STFU “I did xyz so she should be thanking me.” Was the general idea. No she doesn’t have to at all. I came and sat down with her; she’s playing on her tablet and watching tv with me next to her and all of the sudden she starts massaging my, no, her balls, then her dick. I’m insanely hard at this point. After about 5-10min of this, I get up to get the oil. I had no clue this woman understood how edging works until yesterday. She got me right there and held it, and held it and held it. Exquisite torture. Now it’s my ass that’s being paid attention to more. Finally I had an overwhelming desire to lick her and asked if I would be allowed to eat her pussy. “Right now?” “Yes, please,” me practically panting.. I thought you wanted to cum? Yes of course I do but right now I need your pussy in my mouth more. wtf did I just say? Off come her panties and my head gets pushed down. Omg she is so delicious. “Eat that pussy like a good boy.” My reply was a quite involuntary “I’m a good boy” happily lapping at her wetness. 2 orgasms later, “That was fun. Do you still want to cum?” Yes I’d like to. Good, you may enter me, but don’t cum in me. Am I allowed to cum at all? Nope, now fuck me to another orgasm as she’s happily smiling. I never made it that far. Something like 19 strokes and I had to stop, and hold her with me uncontrollably shaking. That took a long while to calm down from. Today, I am contemplating asking her to deny my orgasm until I’m literally begging her and she can sense it’s no longer a want but a need. What is happening within my mind here? I am having trouble processing this as it does not make any sort of sense in my rational brain. It’s just not logical. What strange realm have I entered?

[Ontosomething]

11/9
Last night she didn’t feel well again. She gets horrible migraines that seem to coincide with her hormones. Usually we are a solid team in terms of house chores. I do all the usual manly stuff plus about 40-60% of the indoor chores. It was all me the last few nights while she hurts. This was recognized as I was doing the dishes and she woke up. I was called over for a nice edging session. I never had to ask for permission to cum but I did get a comment “oh he’s becoming bigger for me” in regards to my ridiculously strong erection. “We’ll finish later this was just to keep you motivated,” she said while opening her hand to let my cock drop out and knowing how close to cumming I was. It was an expertly done denial, something she struggles with a bit. By the time she was done I wanted an orgasm so so so badly. I still do, but I want to lick her far more. We fell asleep on the couch with the kids in our bed.

We made to bed around 7am and cuddled together intimately. I scratched her back and she reciprocated. Her touch on me has become electric again, to the point that it feels like orgasm aftershocks as I like to call them. I don’t know what this is but it causes me to uncontrollably shiver. I get the same shivers during intense ball spanking sessions but that’s from anxiety of not knowing whether I’m getting a whack, a fondle or a kiss.

I want to eat her so bad. I want to clean her up with my tongue after her morning piss. Ok so piss play has been in our realm for years (all the way to her training me to drink it all and not spill a drop…she actually stated that before I started journaling). I have had a long standing fantasy of only being allowed her piss to drink for an entire weekend. She’s not been keen on trying it in the past. Her dick is leaking at random times throughout the day and I’m finding the dried spots in my underwear. God how I love this woman.

Today is day 6, and this morning is remarkably difficult to not touch her property. Seems like any little thing could make me hard whether it be physical or even just a sly comment. Ive been here before, but I don’t remember it being this intense. Maybe she is getting better at teasing me, or that rather than just playing, we’ve had 2 HJ and one piv session this week and assorted playful grabbing, smacking and swatting.

[Ontosomething]

11/10
I’m so horny for her. I want to cum so badly. I’d do nearly anything she asked at this point. I thought I was getting my ass fucked with the dildo last night and she just went to bed. Shes the one who told me. I got several edgings yesterday, we were down to one kid in the house…things couldn’t be more perfect. She teased me throughout the day, and week, assorted grabbing and stuff along with 2 HJ edgings and one piv session. Well a 3rd edge now after yesterday. She woke me up at 545 to get the kids medicine so he can take some and that was the moment I got really upset. I just wanted to pee and go back and cuddle up to her. She complained and I just left to sit in the other room and cry. I was so emotionally hurt by the rejection of just cuddling with her. She was right, there wasn’t enough room but I needed to feel her body. Her touch is so electric to me that I shiver uncontrollably every time she runs her nails along my back or scratches my head while I lay on her. I’m in a completely obedient and submissive head space right now and want to eat her. I want to do things for her, I want to be with her, around her, inside her. Oh how I long to be inside her, it feels like forever. I also have a ton of pressure, I want it relieved. I want to cum so badly.

She just left to go food shopping. So I asked for a release tonight. You sent me that text less than 72 hours ago. But it’s been 7 days for me. Wa wa wa, such a baby. You may want to be quiet.

I shut up, knowing what she meant. God I love her.

Laying in bed later that night, she’s got me hard and ridiculously horny just teasing me on all sorts of ways…and then this while barely stroking me: You know it’s no nut November right? Have you heard of that? “No,” I answered completely dumbfounded by what my wife is saying. Of course I have. (Later came clean) Could you do that? “Umm, I don’t know.” Reality is that I was scared to say “let’s try” as I’d only had one this month anyways.
The could you do that question remains unanswered but it will need to be answered very soon I believe.

I got to lick her to a wonderful 3-4 orgasms while being taken with the dildo. It was like she purposefully didn’t touch my cock. Without any penile stimulation, what actually occurred was she had me riding that dildo so hard I thought I could cum from just that. (Only ever done that once, but at least I know it’s possible for my body). Finally I begged to let me fuck her, complete lust taking over my mind “I need to fuck you, may I?”….“You may enter me”…”am I allowed to cum” “Yes you’ve been such a good boy this past few weeks and I can’t deny you that release…..for now. Cum in me daddy” Um….what?!?!. Nervous, scared, excited, confused. No clue what that little line meant nor the almost involuntary switch from my owner to my submissive little slut. (I love it when she calls me Daddy.) complete mind-fuck here.

Side note: There is no more fighting in our relationship now. She owns me in the bedroom and it simply translates throughout the relationship. I absolutely love it. Keeping this through end of year, and then we’ll have a conversation about it and either we decide to keep this or we go back. While my perspective may change, I just can’t see a path backwards as it sits right now.

[Ontosomething]

11/13

Pair of brutally sick kids currently. Odds of any bedroom activity are remarkably small but I’m sure she’ll make sure I stay horny for her in some appreciable way. She always does.

The progression is getting quicker. She let me cum in her Sunday, and I’m already horny as hell, and through all the super intense emotions. Is this just my body adjusting to not having an orgasm without her?

Since I’ve started this, I’m happier, she’s happier, I have found or re-found a whole new anppreciat for her and women in general, and our kids get to see mommy and daddy being playful and flirtatious to boot. The whole household vibe is just an overall fun atmosphere. From my viewpoint, this is pretty damn awesome.

[Tongue+groove]

Is this just my body adjusting to not having an orgasm without her?

Sounds like things are working for you. I myself have recently reached that point of not cumming without her present. It’s a great place to be.

[Ontosomething]

It’s the little things that mean so much to me. Last night my wife got one of her headaches. These are debilitating to her, so she asked if I would handle the entire night time routine. I said no problem knowing that she was hurting and likely exhausted from caring for our sick children all day. About 3/4 way through cleanup I was called over to her with a single gesture. Her hand made a squeezing motion. I came over, and was treated to a wonderful small jacking of her cock and then a ball massage while she sucked on it. “Here’s a little motivation for you.” Children are still up so this was completely unexpected. After everything is done and cleaned up and put away, I went to bed as I was exhausted. She comes in less than 10min later, removes all clothing and lays in bed with me and tells me to scratch her back/butt. I’m already having trouble as I’m so turned on by her now naked body that I made sure both hands stayed on her so I didn’t break the no touching rule. But damn I wanted to. It may not seem like much but for her to do all of that, but while feeling like garbage, it really meant so so much to me. I felt all of “thank you” “I see you” “I care about you” “I love you” wrapped into a wonderful 2min minutes of teasing where time stood still.

3am I woke up with a raging erection that I couldn’t get to subside. Laid on my hands for this one as the urge was super intense. Nearly an hour later I finally got to a place where I could go back to sleep again.

[Ontosomething]

I’ve lost count of days but know I’m somewhere around a week.

Scary medical event for my wife the previous night so I took a long lunch break to bring her lunch and check on her. All seemed ok today and she’s in good spirits.

I was either teased or thanked with her mouth JUST before I went back to work and the next 3 hours went by at an alarmingly slow rate in my head.

After a few evenings of children or medical issues last night was really hoping she was going to make use my tongue. I asked and got a very sly “Maybe”. Ok yay, hopes up, expectations none. Instead, I was treated to 3 edgings in a row followed by “you need to goto bed now”

Just her kiss this morning gave me uncontrollable shivers.