Overview
My wife and I are not vanilla by any means. Early 40s with 2 young kids. The only hard limits we have ever instilled are no vomit or shit play. Piss is fair game, and usually I’m asking to drink straight from her (really wish she’d do this more). This is more of an attempt at fixing our relationship issues more than anything else.
There is no cage, only honesty, willpower, and obedience. We have had the cage talk, and for now, it’s not necessary. She likes piv and me cumming in her. She also likes that we both comfortably switch between D/s and often just for a short moment during sex, and she had the foresight to understand a cage could change that dynamic far more in her favor. Currently, she does not want that, with a caveat that if I am unable to control myself……she may change her mind. Since this is about what she wants….no cage it is. I’m free to have erections, just can’t do anything with them, which is brutally frustrating at times to just look down and just watch it bob around.
2022
- Sex life good…in fact best it’s been since early in relationship. Atmosphere is light fun and flirty. We tease one another and generally have fun.
2023 - I fucked up and cheated. - came clean out of guilt about a month later. Sex life actually increased, then dies off.
- Hard realization that I was using porn to solve “all my problems, and live emotionless”, apathy set in and I had huge amounts of IDGAF energy… tons of divorce talk, logistics with the kids, etc.
- Quit porn over a year ago - sex life improved, communication still sucks
- Went back to something I took from the manosphere (funny how concepts overlap), kill the porn, and stop fucking your hand and fuck your woman’s holes. I tried this many times, failed every single one. The concept is such that the release of cum releases so much sexual energy that if you do it yourself, you have nothing left to gift to your woman, and yes my sexual energy is a gift.
- Asked my wife to handle my orgasms either late sept or early oct as a test to see if this has merit. Within 2 weeks I saw the benefits.
- I had to lead her a lot as she is happy to dominate me, but needed some guidance on what I needed from her. more than anything I have never lost sight of the fact that I’m doing this FOR HER.
- Communication improves almost magically,. Still talks about “my next relationship,” but it’s playful, fun, and flirty and not serious anymore.
At this point our relationship, save one blow up on a bad day for me, there’s no fighting anymore. I love spending time with her, and I remember why I married her. I completely and hopelessly love my wife, but I’ve also done enough work to have an understanding that it is me that has chosen her to submit to.
Men approach girls with sexual intention.
Men ask girls out on first date
Men ask their gf to move in with them
Men ask women to marry them.
Men invite a chosen woman into their lives.
And the one I’ve selected is pretty damn awesome.
- at the point now where my Queen owns me and i am her happy servant.
- I'm also very grateful she still lets me cum about 1x every week or so, although I foresee this changing soon. If I had to guess why, it’s because I handle mostly everything around the house in addition to being an awesome husband to my Queen.
Journal entries beginning 19-Oct forthcoming in the next few days/weeks
[ontosomething] adding another layer
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2024 7:26 am
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2024 7:26 am
- Gender:
Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
Friday 10/18
Today is day 7 since my last allowance. I’m super horny, and not quite over that hump. I get there somewhere day 8-10. My wife has pushed it here before but rarely lets me go that long.
We just hang out every night, often I rub her feet now because I want to (this just simply has never happened in our relationship). There is no expectation of anything, but I need to feel that physical closeness. I’ve gotten to eat her pussy plenty this week, and had several significant teasing sessions which include ball smacking to the point I’m writhing in painful ecstasy, and sometimes anal play before she just randomly stops and says “That’s all you get, goodnight, and gives me a kiss and one final light smack or a few strokes” leaving me just near the summit of the mountain, but not quite there. My wife gets anywhere from 5 to 20 orgasms consistently. Tonight was different, she has been super flirty, but has not changed into her evening wear, which is very abnormal. Finally she simply says “go get the oil, tonight’s about you.” I oblige and proceed to be given probably the most intense hand job I’ve ever experienced. She senses this and uses her other hand to go inside me.
What used to take 20 minutes (or not at all) happened nearly instantaneously…. prostate orgasm. Now she’s completely fucking my ass. What I thought was 3 fingers, I would later find out was her entire hand. I had no idea at the time, but I was apparently making enough noise that she thought I’d wake the kids. No warning, just a hard WHACK to my balls (ow) and this statement…..”Shut up, unless you want this to end.”
Now it shifts to a pretty disinterested hand job while she watched tv. I have no idea why this made me so turned on but it was almost like she didn’t care. Then at one point, she tells me she wants me to cum. She cant seem to get me there and is getting tired from the position we are in, so tells me to take over. I finally get there and ask if I can. She says “Yes, cum for me baby.” Without question, one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had in my life. I used to cum and get up to go do something, whether it be shower, or some home project, or whatever. After this, I was completely spent. It was probably a full 5-10 minutes for me to come back to earth from the ecstasy I was in.
Today is day 7 since my last allowance. I’m super horny, and not quite over that hump. I get there somewhere day 8-10. My wife has pushed it here before but rarely lets me go that long.
We just hang out every night, often I rub her feet now because I want to (this just simply has never happened in our relationship). There is no expectation of anything, but I need to feel that physical closeness. I’ve gotten to eat her pussy plenty this week, and had several significant teasing sessions which include ball smacking to the point I’m writhing in painful ecstasy, and sometimes anal play before she just randomly stops and says “That’s all you get, goodnight, and gives me a kiss and one final light smack or a few strokes” leaving me just near the summit of the mountain, but not quite there. My wife gets anywhere from 5 to 20 orgasms consistently. Tonight was different, she has been super flirty, but has not changed into her evening wear, which is very abnormal. Finally she simply says “go get the oil, tonight’s about you.” I oblige and proceed to be given probably the most intense hand job I’ve ever experienced. She senses this and uses her other hand to go inside me.
What used to take 20 minutes (or not at all) happened nearly instantaneously…. prostate orgasm. Now she’s completely fucking my ass. What I thought was 3 fingers, I would later find out was her entire hand. I had no idea at the time, but I was apparently making enough noise that she thought I’d wake the kids. No warning, just a hard WHACK to my balls (ow) and this statement…..”Shut up, unless you want this to end.”
Now it shifts to a pretty disinterested hand job while she watched tv. I have no idea why this made me so turned on but it was almost like she didn’t care. Then at one point, she tells me she wants me to cum. She cant seem to get me there and is getting tired from the position we are in, so tells me to take over. I finally get there and ask if I can. She says “Yes, cum for me baby.” Without question, one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had in my life. I used to cum and get up to go do something, whether it be shower, or some home project, or whatever. After this, I was completely spent. It was probably a full 5-10 minutes for me to come back to earth from the ecstasy I was in.
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Ontosomething
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
Saturday 10/19
I felt drained, tired and lethargic throughout the entire day. At one point, I told my wife this and she just giggled and said, well you are definitely drained. I have no desire to have any sort of sex. Downside to this is I need to consciously pay attention to my behavior. It’s no longer natural where I’d do anything to please her. Later at night, she comes to tuck me in for the night…so I thought. Instead she rips the covers back grabs my balls very tightly and proceeds to smack them, first hard swats, then short bursts of lesser intensity. The short bursts are the ones that get to me as there is no delay for any relief. My cock isn’t left out of this either as it gets smacked pretty hard every time I try to get hard. I’m always blind for this. Sometimes it’s a pillow, or my robe, but often it’s her pussy. Today its the pillow. I have no idea what she’s doing, but I want to lick her, and I finally realize she knows exactly how badly I want to it but won’t let me.
Instead:
“I’m soaking wet, go get the dildo, your dick isn’t anywhere close to ready”
I about ran to get it. It’s definitively larger than myself.
Yay, a break from pain and I’m happy to have a stand in today.
Slide right into her and I’m told to put the other side in me (it’s double sided) and fuck her pussy with my ass. I lost count of the amount of orgasms she had from this. Finally she asks if I want to fuck her. I don’t need to be asked twice. Slide right in, and get “does it feel like I’ve just been fucked?” No, a tiny bit less tight, but nothing really noticeable. At the risk of hearing something I don’t want to, I ask which she likes better. She cant decide. “The dildo is bigger and has more girth, but doesn’t seem to hit the same spot. You have always hit the right spot.” Really wasn’t expecting or hoping for that ego boost but I’ll take it.
This is where I switch as I know her body well enough to know she wasn’t anywhere close to done.
3 positions later, “I’m done.”
Me: Nope, You’re getting another orgasm.
Her moaning with pleasure: “Fuck ya I am.”
And switch back
20 min and 3 position changes: “Do you want to cum?”
Me: Of course I want to, but you’re in charge of that.
Silence, and another series of orgasms for her.
Me (finally): Am I allowed to cum?
Her: LONGest pause ever…..NO!! (She usually gives an instant answer, so this was completely unexpected)
Me: Pull out, and realize I’ve already gone too far, ruined right onto her.
Her (laughing): I really didn’t care as long as it wasn’t in me and you’re welcome, you better be thankful and be nice tomorrow
Me: Yes Ma’am. I am super thankful for you allowing me to give you orgasms and allowing me one as well.
Tomorrow is a family day.
I felt drained, tired and lethargic throughout the entire day. At one point, I told my wife this and she just giggled and said, well you are definitely drained. I have no desire to have any sort of sex. Downside to this is I need to consciously pay attention to my behavior. It’s no longer natural where I’d do anything to please her. Later at night, she comes to tuck me in for the night…so I thought. Instead she rips the covers back grabs my balls very tightly and proceeds to smack them, first hard swats, then short bursts of lesser intensity. The short bursts are the ones that get to me as there is no delay for any relief. My cock isn’t left out of this either as it gets smacked pretty hard every time I try to get hard. I’m always blind for this. Sometimes it’s a pillow, or my robe, but often it’s her pussy. Today its the pillow. I have no idea what she’s doing, but I want to lick her, and I finally realize she knows exactly how badly I want to it but won’t let me.
Instead:
“I’m soaking wet, go get the dildo, your dick isn’t anywhere close to ready”
I about ran to get it. It’s definitively larger than myself.
Yay, a break from pain and I’m happy to have a stand in today.
Slide right into her and I’m told to put the other side in me (it’s double sided) and fuck her pussy with my ass. I lost count of the amount of orgasms she had from this. Finally she asks if I want to fuck her. I don’t need to be asked twice. Slide right in, and get “does it feel like I’ve just been fucked?” No, a tiny bit less tight, but nothing really noticeable. At the risk of hearing something I don’t want to, I ask which she likes better. She cant decide. “The dildo is bigger and has more girth, but doesn’t seem to hit the same spot. You have always hit the right spot.” Really wasn’t expecting or hoping for that ego boost but I’ll take it.
This is where I switch as I know her body well enough to know she wasn’t anywhere close to done.
3 positions later, “I’m done.”
Me: Nope, You’re getting another orgasm.
Her moaning with pleasure: “Fuck ya I am.”
And switch back
20 min and 3 position changes: “Do you want to cum?”
Me: Of course I want to, but you’re in charge of that.
Silence, and another series of orgasms for her.
Me (finally): Am I allowed to cum?
Her: LONGest pause ever…..NO!! (She usually gives an instant answer, so this was completely unexpected)
Me: Pull out, and realize I’ve already gone too far, ruined right onto her.
Her (laughing): I really didn’t care as long as it wasn’t in me and you’re welcome, you better be thankful and be nice tomorrow
Me: Yes Ma’am. I am super thankful for you allowing me to give you orgasms and allowing me one as well.
Tomorrow is a family day.
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Ontosomething
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
Sunday 10/20
I’m up early. The morning after I have an orgasm is usually the absolute hardest. If I masturbate, the whole cycle starts over and I want to repeat what is a nearly 30 year habit. Today was different. I was exhausted and wanted nothing to do with my dick. I would’ve happily made and brought her breakfast in bed as I enjoy doing this for her on the weekends, but over time I have learned that it is just not well received as she does not wake up hungry. It’s also the same time frame I must watch out for medical events. Instead I climbed back into bed and spooned her with my dick between her ass cheeks and fell asleep with her in my arms until I woke again to tend to the children. We departed on our trip and had a great time.
At one point before we left, I told her I knew I agreed to doing a few things around the house, but asked if there was more that I had neglected to remember. No, just those. WHEW!.
A few random ass smacks, or cock/ball grabs throughout the evening. I’m still plenty satisfied from the previous two nights, and I suspect she is too. In the shower later, she walks in and says “Quit playing with that thing,” just before ripping the curtain back to check on me; nothing is going on; “Good.” I have no idea how badly that would’ve gone, but I’m glad I won’t find out. In the past, I’d probably have jacked off and she would’ve said and done the same thing, then make a joke like it didn’t mean anything, and I’d observe her walk away visibly disappointed.
She wanted to just watch tv and mess around on her tablet. I cuddled up to her until I was falling asleep and went to bed. Nothing was happening here and we both knew it, but I just really enjoy being in her presence.
I’m up early. The morning after I have an orgasm is usually the absolute hardest. If I masturbate, the whole cycle starts over and I want to repeat what is a nearly 30 year habit. Today was different. I was exhausted and wanted nothing to do with my dick. I would’ve happily made and brought her breakfast in bed as I enjoy doing this for her on the weekends, but over time I have learned that it is just not well received as she does not wake up hungry. It’s also the same time frame I must watch out for medical events. Instead I climbed back into bed and spooned her with my dick between her ass cheeks and fell asleep with her in my arms until I woke again to tend to the children. We departed on our trip and had a great time.
At one point before we left, I told her I knew I agreed to doing a few things around the house, but asked if there was more that I had neglected to remember. No, just those. WHEW!.
A few random ass smacks, or cock/ball grabs throughout the evening. I’m still plenty satisfied from the previous two nights, and I suspect she is too. In the shower later, she walks in and says “Quit playing with that thing,” just before ripping the curtain back to check on me; nothing is going on; “Good.” I have no idea how badly that would’ve gone, but I’m glad I won’t find out. In the past, I’d probably have jacked off and she would’ve said and done the same thing, then make a joke like it didn’t mean anything, and I’d observe her walk away visibly disappointed.
She wanted to just watch tv and mess around on her tablet. I cuddled up to her until I was falling asleep and went to bed. Nothing was happening here and we both knew it, but I just really enjoy being in her presence.
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Ontosomething
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
10/21
Woke up, did the usual morning chores and went back to bed to naked cuddle with my wife for 15-20 minutes. This is how I start the vasty majority of my weekdays and it really helps me stay grounded. Seems so long ago that I used to wake up and use that same 15-20 minutes observing pixels on a screen in the form of porn, along with the subsequent release because an erection was a problem and was “something I have to take care of.” Now I simply think, what a load of shit. I mean, I have the most beautiful woman in the world laying in bed RIGHT FUCKING HERE, often naked even, and yet I was sneaking off to the bathroom to jack off like an idiot.
My wife has already stated that her neck and back hurt today and I’ve offered a massage this evening. There is no ulterior motive as one thing I have learned over the past several months so, is to pull any and all expectations out of it. Tonight will be a relaxation massage, of which I’ll get lost in the moment and enjoy giving it to her as much if not more than she will enjoy the massage itself. Maybe I’ll be allowed to lick her, maybe not. Either is ok by me.
Woke up, did the usual morning chores and went back to bed to naked cuddle with my wife for 15-20 minutes. This is how I start the vasty majority of my weekdays and it really helps me stay grounded. Seems so long ago that I used to wake up and use that same 15-20 minutes observing pixels on a screen in the form of porn, along with the subsequent release because an erection was a problem and was “something I have to take care of.” Now I simply think, what a load of shit. I mean, I have the most beautiful woman in the world laying in bed RIGHT FUCKING HERE, often naked even, and yet I was sneaking off to the bathroom to jack off like an idiot.
My wife has already stated that her neck and back hurt today and I’ve offered a massage this evening. There is no ulterior motive as one thing I have learned over the past several months so, is to pull any and all expectations out of it. Tonight will be a relaxation massage, of which I’ll get lost in the moment and enjoy giving it to her as much if not more than she will enjoy the massage itself. Maybe I’ll be allowed to lick her, maybe not. Either is ok by me.
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Tongue+groove
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
If you’re on this site you’ve probably come to this realization and don’t want to screw it up. You only want the feeling to grow, and not your penis.I have the most beautiful woman in the world laying in bed RIGHT FUCKING HERE, often naked even
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure many of us have been there.and yet I was sneaking off to the bathroom to jack off like an idiot.
Isn’t it amazing how much she is worth it all. A locked penis
such a small price to pay. And oh how it can be kept small.She says ‘it’s cute’ in the nub. 
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
Tuesday 10/22
Expecting that today will be emotions day. This mostly written in real-time, as it’s happening, this is not a recollection of events for this particular day.
Last night I wanted to give her that massage pretty badly. I wanted to caress her beautiful body and take my time and just get lost in the intimacy of the moment while feeling her melt in my hands ….. but alas nothing happened due to a case of stubborn young child vehemently challenging their bedtime.
Woke up this morning, almost a carbon copy repeat of yesterday morning except that she was cuddling facing me with our legs intertwined intimately this morning. Before I left, I kissed her goodbye for the day and told her I love her, and hear back softly “I love you too; behave.” ….“Of course, anything for you my love”
3 hours after I’ve left the house it hits me like a ton of bricks at work. I’m missing her intensely. I want her badly. Emotionality is a realm I neglected to explore in the past, or a better explanation, hid from through masturbation.
Never mind, they are here. I’m not usually an emotional guy, but maybe she knows it’s emotions day as well (I’ve told her the past few times, and it’s very consistent for me each time). I just got sent something from her which just about made me cry. My mind is racing as to how and why I could hurt her the way I did. We’ve already navigated this together plenty, and know the answers, she does too, but it doesn’t make it feel better. I hurt someone I care about so deeply, yet proceeded to toss that the trash in favor of temptation, and selfishness. I can feel the pain she harbors, and it’s brutal. I’m terribly sorry. I’ve apologized plenty, but it’s never going to be enough for me, let alone her. All I can do is continue on this path of changing me, and hope I’m still enough for her. I quite literally, love my wife to death. Not horny currently, just sad as a result of my own doing, and missing my lovely bride. This would be 10x worse had I not had that short intimate moment with her this morning.
Rather happy that work became fairly busy leaving me no further time to think.
Expecting that today will be emotions day. This mostly written in real-time, as it’s happening, this is not a recollection of events for this particular day.
Last night I wanted to give her that massage pretty badly. I wanted to caress her beautiful body and take my time and just get lost in the intimacy of the moment while feeling her melt in my hands ….. but alas nothing happened due to a case of stubborn young child vehemently challenging their bedtime.
Woke up this morning, almost a carbon copy repeat of yesterday morning except that she was cuddling facing me with our legs intertwined intimately this morning. Before I left, I kissed her goodbye for the day and told her I love her, and hear back softly “I love you too; behave.” ….“Of course, anything for you my love”
3 hours after I’ve left the house it hits me like a ton of bricks at work. I’m missing her intensely. I want her badly. Emotionality is a realm I neglected to explore in the past, or a better explanation, hid from through masturbation.
Never mind, they are here. I’m not usually an emotional guy, but maybe she knows it’s emotions day as well (I’ve told her the past few times, and it’s very consistent for me each time). I just got sent something from her which just about made me cry. My mind is racing as to how and why I could hurt her the way I did. We’ve already navigated this together plenty, and know the answers, she does too, but it doesn’t make it feel better. I hurt someone I care about so deeply, yet proceeded to toss that the trash in favor of temptation, and selfishness. I can feel the pain she harbors, and it’s brutal. I’m terribly sorry. I’ve apologized plenty, but it’s never going to be enough for me, let alone her. All I can do is continue on this path of changing me, and hope I’m still enough for her. I quite literally, love my wife to death. Not horny currently, just sad as a result of my own doing, and missing my lovely bride. This would be 10x worse had I not had that short intimate moment with her this morning.
Rather happy that work became fairly busy leaving me no further time to think.
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
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Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
10/23
Last night kid broke something, so I’m fixing it and in a rather compromising position with my arms over my head. I have my house shorts on, no underwear. I started that a while ago, and now it seems expected. My wife walks by, apparently realizes I cannot let go of what I am working on and proceeds to give one of my nipples a little squeeze and twist, followed by giggling, then a cock grab, squeeze and smile, and light smack. “Damn I missed,” Now I know another is coming, that one got me good. And then she kisses me goodby and departs the house to go take care of something. Only instructions were what random house chores still needed to be accomplished. I’m always happy to do those or help in this area. Why is it that she can get me going with the smallest little playful tease? I sent her a thank you text about 15 minutes later.
This morning my balls now have that familiar sensation of wanting. I refuse to entertain it. The cock and balls attached to me belong to her now, I’m just the carrier. That said, I’m getting far more comfortable with being uncomfortable. Left her a short note this morning. I truly am thankful for her.
Just a random busy few days has postponed this, but I’m very excited that I’ll get to massage her tonight. She doesn’t know that I’ve decided to upgrade her neck/back massage into a full body massage. I’d love to be able to finish it with a few orgasms for her.
Lunch time she asks what I’m having. I respond with something very bland and basic. Asks about dinner, and I respond with something sweet. She sends me one image back and that was all I needed to have butterflies in my stomach and bring about that odd “first date” type feeling of nervousness. I have no idea why this happens, but I’ve been here before and know that as soon as I get home and greet her with a kiss, all of this will melt away into a blissful feeling of love.
I find myself writing down things she’s asked me to do in addition to little sweet things I want to randomly do for her. She wants something very specific and has for quite some time. While I’m normally pretty damn good about things like this, I’ve failed to deliver this particular one, which I know for a fact is very special to her. She will get it before end of year. I feel like I’m dating her again. I’ve been around a few different men’s groups that push significant male dominance along with don’t cum anywhere but in her and watch your sex life explode into something you’ve never imagined. Previously, I couldn’t fathom why, and yet…now I completely understand it. We haven’t had so much as a disagreement in several weeks. Noting this, I took a step back to objectively observe what changed. I have. I’m more attuned to her needs, wants and desires. I’ve always been significantly attentive and helped doing far, far beyond my fair share. In addition to the normal “manly stuff” such as mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, killing creepy crawlies as needed, building assorted things, I also have no problem either helping with, or doing laundry, dishes, floors, cooking, etc. To me, this is just being an adult. I’m up about 18-20 hours daily.
Writing all this out makes me realize just how much I do for my wife and family and that I’m a badass in almost all aspects of life, except the porn(quit) & masturbation (quit in progress, with the help of my wife). I tried previously and denying it from myself was nearly impossible as she would never know either way. Letting her know what I am doing in hopes it would better our overall relationship, and including her was paramount. The rest is nothing more than self-control and discipline. When I combine the level of discipline I now possess with wanting to please my wife, I’m unstoppable (I think). There is almost a Captain Planet joke here about “when your powers combine…..”
Based on my previous notes however, I need to watch out for the day 5 sexual frustration coming out as anger toward my wife. That day is tomorrow. Sometimes unfortunately, the anger overtakes and wins. I might be able to kill this by converting that energy into a gym session to exhaustion. Right now I find myself wanting to send her a text that I cant wait to come home to her, see her, hold her, and feel her lips on mine. Instead I have to make a stop on the way home to pick something up.
In the past she complained anytime I left work 10-15min late and would question why. I’ve since adjusted to flying out the door, not because she would question me, but because I WANT to come home to her. A business just doesn’t care about its employees to the same level a husband/wife care about one another.
I want to rub and caress her feet. I’d probably suck her toes if she’d let me right now. Well that’s a new thought I have literally never had, ever.
Last night kid broke something, so I’m fixing it and in a rather compromising position with my arms over my head. I have my house shorts on, no underwear. I started that a while ago, and now it seems expected. My wife walks by, apparently realizes I cannot let go of what I am working on and proceeds to give one of my nipples a little squeeze and twist, followed by giggling, then a cock grab, squeeze and smile, and light smack. “Damn I missed,” Now I know another is coming, that one got me good. And then she kisses me goodby and departs the house to go take care of something. Only instructions were what random house chores still needed to be accomplished. I’m always happy to do those or help in this area. Why is it that she can get me going with the smallest little playful tease? I sent her a thank you text about 15 minutes later.
This morning my balls now have that familiar sensation of wanting. I refuse to entertain it. The cock and balls attached to me belong to her now, I’m just the carrier. That said, I’m getting far more comfortable with being uncomfortable. Left her a short note this morning. I truly am thankful for her.
Just a random busy few days has postponed this, but I’m very excited that I’ll get to massage her tonight. She doesn’t know that I’ve decided to upgrade her neck/back massage into a full body massage. I’d love to be able to finish it with a few orgasms for her.
Lunch time she asks what I’m having. I respond with something very bland and basic. Asks about dinner, and I respond with something sweet. She sends me one image back and that was all I needed to have butterflies in my stomach and bring about that odd “first date” type feeling of nervousness. I have no idea why this happens, but I’ve been here before and know that as soon as I get home and greet her with a kiss, all of this will melt away into a blissful feeling of love.
I find myself writing down things she’s asked me to do in addition to little sweet things I want to randomly do for her. She wants something very specific and has for quite some time. While I’m normally pretty damn good about things like this, I’ve failed to deliver this particular one, which I know for a fact is very special to her. She will get it before end of year. I feel like I’m dating her again. I’ve been around a few different men’s groups that push significant male dominance along with don’t cum anywhere but in her and watch your sex life explode into something you’ve never imagined. Previously, I couldn’t fathom why, and yet…now I completely understand it. We haven’t had so much as a disagreement in several weeks. Noting this, I took a step back to objectively observe what changed. I have. I’m more attuned to her needs, wants and desires. I’ve always been significantly attentive and helped doing far, far beyond my fair share. In addition to the normal “manly stuff” such as mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, killing creepy crawlies as needed, building assorted things, I also have no problem either helping with, or doing laundry, dishes, floors, cooking, etc. To me, this is just being an adult. I’m up about 18-20 hours daily.
Writing all this out makes me realize just how much I do for my wife and family and that I’m a badass in almost all aspects of life, except the porn(quit) & masturbation (quit in progress, with the help of my wife). I tried previously and denying it from myself was nearly impossible as she would never know either way. Letting her know what I am doing in hopes it would better our overall relationship, and including her was paramount. The rest is nothing more than self-control and discipline. When I combine the level of discipline I now possess with wanting to please my wife, I’m unstoppable (I think). There is almost a Captain Planet joke here about “when your powers combine…..”
Based on my previous notes however, I need to watch out for the day 5 sexual frustration coming out as anger toward my wife. That day is tomorrow. Sometimes unfortunately, the anger overtakes and wins. I might be able to kill this by converting that energy into a gym session to exhaustion. Right now I find myself wanting to send her a text that I cant wait to come home to her, see her, hold her, and feel her lips on mine. Instead I have to make a stop on the way home to pick something up.
In the past she complained anytime I left work 10-15min late and would question why. I’ve since adjusted to flying out the door, not because she would question me, but because I WANT to come home to her. A business just doesn’t care about its employees to the same level a husband/wife care about one another.
I want to rub and caress her feet. I’d probably suck her toes if she’d let me right now. Well that’s a new thought I have literally never had, ever.
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2024 7:26 am
- Gender:
Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
10/24
Last night everything was fine, a nice playful atmosphere, until there wasn’t. I thought I got through emotions day, but one comment from her and they ran super high. I’m scared of our future. I fear her leaving me. I asked her to please not leave me. Asked about all the changes I am making now and I told her it’s how I legitimately feel. She said she couldn’t even meet me halfway and that there’s just no attraction and everything with me is hard/difficult. I know that’s just what she felt in that moment, but it hurts just the same. We both cried a lot. I apologized again and will continue to do so for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. At one point I got angry. Angry with her? No! Angry with myself for all the times I’ve treated her so poorly in the past. Previously, that anger would come out, at her. This time, I said I need a minute, went in the bedroom and did pushups to calm myself. Came back out and she informed me she was having some sharp pains so moved to bedroom to get comfortable, but not discounting the pains. I assume nothing is happening tonight.
We finally got the kids out of the bed and I laid caddy corner and just started rubbing her feet while she watched tv or played on her phone. I haven’t done this ever in our relationship, and now it’s a massive turn on. I’m not sure why. I just know that it feels good to feel her in my hands, and to make her feel good. I about fell asleep rubbing her feet. She did too. I then moved up to spoon her since I knew nothing was happening tonight. She stirs.
“We finally get the kids out of the bed and all you’re going to do is hold me? Scratch my back and butt until I fall asleep.” Oh shit, I feel like I’m in trouble here. “Yes Ma’am”
I proceed to lightly run my fingers down and scratch her back with both my hands, and stay there for a long time before pulling her underwear down and scratching her sexy ass. Multiple times while just scratching her back, I felt what felt like electricity running through my body making me shake and shiver uncontrollably. Felt almost like a micro orgasm of sorts. While I am not entirely sure, I suspect that this was a sexual energy release through my hands. Regardless, it was truly an amazing experience. I fell asleep rubbing and scratching her and really just got lost in the moment.
Last night everything was fine, a nice playful atmosphere, until there wasn’t. I thought I got through emotions day, but one comment from her and they ran super high. I’m scared of our future. I fear her leaving me. I asked her to please not leave me. Asked about all the changes I am making now and I told her it’s how I legitimately feel. She said she couldn’t even meet me halfway and that there’s just no attraction and everything with me is hard/difficult. I know that’s just what she felt in that moment, but it hurts just the same. We both cried a lot. I apologized again and will continue to do so for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. At one point I got angry. Angry with her? No! Angry with myself for all the times I’ve treated her so poorly in the past. Previously, that anger would come out, at her. This time, I said I need a minute, went in the bedroom and did pushups to calm myself. Came back out and she informed me she was having some sharp pains so moved to bedroom to get comfortable, but not discounting the pains. I assume nothing is happening tonight.
We finally got the kids out of the bed and I laid caddy corner and just started rubbing her feet while she watched tv or played on her phone. I haven’t done this ever in our relationship, and now it’s a massive turn on. I’m not sure why. I just know that it feels good to feel her in my hands, and to make her feel good. I about fell asleep rubbing her feet. She did too. I then moved up to spoon her since I knew nothing was happening tonight. She stirs.
“We finally get the kids out of the bed and all you’re going to do is hold me? Scratch my back and butt until I fall asleep.” Oh shit, I feel like I’m in trouble here. “Yes Ma’am”
I proceed to lightly run my fingers down and scratch her back with both my hands, and stay there for a long time before pulling her underwear down and scratching her sexy ass. Multiple times while just scratching her back, I felt what felt like electricity running through my body making me shake and shiver uncontrollably. Felt almost like a micro orgasm of sorts. While I am not entirely sure, I suspect that this was a sexual energy release through my hands. Regardless, it was truly an amazing experience. I fell asleep rubbing and scratching her and really just got lost in the moment.
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Ontosomething
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2024 7:26 am
- Gender:
Re: [ontosomething] adding another layer
I got dates mixed up somewhere in here with two 10/24 entries.
10/24
This morning, I’m still reeling trying to comprehend what exactly occurred last night. In addition, I accidentally left my wedding ring at home and I feel like a piece of me is missing. I feel naked. She’s going to think I did it on purpose because of the conversation last night. That’s 1000% not the case. I simply fell asleep and forgot to put it back on after using the massage cream last night as I don’t like feeling of the cream under my ring. Today is day 5. My previous notes state I will be rather edgy today and easily angered. Right now I’m not angry nor do I feel this will happen, but I know I should pay attention to it. I’m just emotionally hurt, I’m sad, I’m scared. I don’t know where our relationship is going with just a few comments from her.
My job today is to recognize that anger in the moment it is happening to kill it.
So far today has been pretty decent. Just expressing to my wife how much I felt her last night. I left out the shudders part until I can talk to her tonight.
I’m not desperate for her yet (but definitely getting there quickly), but I’m horny as hell. My balls have that constant dull ache wanting a release. This is just driving me to love my wife the only way I know how. Through actions of physical affection, spending time together, and telling her how I truly feel. I chose her to spend the rest of my life with forever ago, and along the way clearly lost sight of the why. I feel guilty as hell.
Cleaned the entire house’s floors last night, along with the upholstery. I finished around midnight with a short break for dinner. Wifey comes to bed, “You’ve been such a good boy, would you like your treat?” “Of course, yes Ma’am”. We both know her pussy is the reward. I got to lick her to orgasm for the first time in 5 days. It was wonderful to taste her again. I had no idea how I could miss that so quickly. At one point, she says, “I need to squeeze my balls. Quick change of position and she’s playing with my cock and balls, cycling between pain and pleasure. OOH I feel a finger inside me. She rubs my prostate expertly and I’m feeling like I’m going to explode at this point. She has herself a wonderful orgasm and I crawled up to cuddle my head into her breasts.
This is where I think guilt kicked in for her. I was beyond happy to eat her pussy and goto sleep. “Is that all we’re doing?” “That’s your decision” “Ok, well fuck me then, but don’t cum, I haven’t decided if you’re allowed to yet.”
About 45min later, I ask permission and she allows it. Kinda was hoping for her to say no on that one, but it’s always her decision and she gets what she wants.
10/24
This morning, I’m still reeling trying to comprehend what exactly occurred last night. In addition, I accidentally left my wedding ring at home and I feel like a piece of me is missing. I feel naked. She’s going to think I did it on purpose because of the conversation last night. That’s 1000% not the case. I simply fell asleep and forgot to put it back on after using the massage cream last night as I don’t like feeling of the cream under my ring. Today is day 5. My previous notes state I will be rather edgy today and easily angered. Right now I’m not angry nor do I feel this will happen, but I know I should pay attention to it. I’m just emotionally hurt, I’m sad, I’m scared. I don’t know where our relationship is going with just a few comments from her.
My job today is to recognize that anger in the moment it is happening to kill it.
So far today has been pretty decent. Just expressing to my wife how much I felt her last night. I left out the shudders part until I can talk to her tonight.
I’m not desperate for her yet (but definitely getting there quickly), but I’m horny as hell. My balls have that constant dull ache wanting a release. This is just driving me to love my wife the only way I know how. Through actions of physical affection, spending time together, and telling her how I truly feel. I chose her to spend the rest of my life with forever ago, and along the way clearly lost sight of the why. I feel guilty as hell.
Cleaned the entire house’s floors last night, along with the upholstery. I finished around midnight with a short break for dinner. Wifey comes to bed, “You’ve been such a good boy, would you like your treat?” “Of course, yes Ma’am”. We both know her pussy is the reward. I got to lick her to orgasm for the first time in 5 days. It was wonderful to taste her again. I had no idea how I could miss that so quickly. At one point, she says, “I need to squeeze my balls. Quick change of position and she’s playing with my cock and balls, cycling between pain and pleasure. OOH I feel a finger inside me. She rubs my prostate expertly and I’m feeling like I’m going to explode at this point. She has herself a wonderful orgasm and I crawled up to cuddle my head into her breasts.
This is where I think guilt kicked in for her. I was beyond happy to eat her pussy and goto sleep. “Is that all we’re doing?” “That’s your decision” “Ok, well fuck me then, but don’t cum, I haven’t decided if you’re allowed to yet.”
About 45min later, I ask permission and she allows it. Kinda was hoping for her to say no on that one, but it’s always her decision and she gets what she wants.