Dev wrote:Ab got home from work about 1:30 pm. I had waited on lunch so we ate together which was nice. He made the comment, "I think you may have more Domme in you than you realized...or I realized." I raised my eyebrows at that, not sure what he meant. He went on to say that yesterday, I seemed a little pissy when he got home (I was) and the pissiness continued through dinner. But the minute he put the JB back on, I perked right up and later, was perfectly happy to have lots of sex---in the "old" days, the pissy mood would have persisted for a day or two. Hmmm....
He also said something that made it clear we had slightly crossed signals about what being out of the JB meant. He thought it meant he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted including masturbate. I had thought I had expressed my feeling that even though he was free, I still expected some Dev time and attention, ie, I didn't want him wearing himself out with his own hand (as he has been known to do before). So, somehow or another, we weren't on the same wavelength.
As I've thought about this today, I realize there is a part of me deep down inside that says, "I don't care if he never has another orgasm." I know that sounds incredibly selfish which is why it is hard for me to even admit it to myself (and I can only post it here because I count you as friends who won't judge me harshly. I'm not putting it on the blog, though.). But for the first time since we've started playing, I can suddenly understand the concept of permanent orgasm denial, which prior to today didn't make much sense to me at all. But we seem to have been having a fine time with fingers, tongues, vibrators, and dildoes. Do I really need a real cock? Does he really need a "real" orgasm? It's a little bit of a radical idea but something I need to think about.
(And the fact that I may be able to live without a real cock is the reason I am NOT going to go off and find myself a real boyfriend while he atrophies away to nothing in his JB. Just needed to make that clear.)
D
Without sounding like an amateur shrink I think you have conditions that make your life better with him locked up and denied. As sort of an outsider looking in and with his toe in the door (And his Curve ready to go) let me say this.
You had one experience with him unlocked that wasn't so good. You equate his being uncontrolled with him masturbating which = bad sex for you and lousy behaviors by him. Instead of solving this by planning on permi orgasm denial why not focus on the goal(s) you want and use the tools at hand to reach them?
For example. Masturbation? Unless its mutual masturbation during sex? Whats wrong with forgeting it? Take it off the plate so to speak. You guys seem to communicate. Explain how this screws up your day / how it makes you feel. Control over that is already locked on his cock. Instead of full time orgasm denial make it full time ahh masturbation control?
How he performs after being unlocked. Again, this was that single time where you both had gone (Just my opinion) a long time and sex is not like riding a bike. At least not riding it well. You and he have learned all this NEW sex stuff that you really like. How can it be impossible to do "newish" sex with him unlocked? Maybe make one of your future goals new couples sex thats not the old sex but is the new sex with a conclusion that involves male climax? Save his orgasm for last maybe? Maybe Ab needs to understand just what you have gained and how he may have to be more?? Mature? not a good word but the idea is simply that he has to keep his focus.
I think its totally great (and super hot) that your finding out how to really enjoy sex and are not willing to give that up. I don't know that it makes you a sadistic DOM to find you enjoy orgasm and don't want to let anything screw that up.
Anyway, thats my newbee 2 cents...
