[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Last night, Red surprised me.

We were just sitting on the couch. An ordinary evening with nothing planned. Then she reached over and started teasing my nipple, casually, like it meant nothing. Except it meant everything to me. She didn’t say a word at first. Just claimed me. She teased me about how pathetic I am for getting so much out such a simple thing. Then her heel pressed into my balls, pinning me down while she kept toying with me, fully in control. No escalation. No promises. Just pain, pressure, and pleasure.
And then it was over.

She didn’t break the rules of our game. She affirmed them. I can’t expect anything. I can’t beg. But she’s always free to act on her desires.
I thanked her profusely for showing me this attention.

This game we’re playing… it’s not about teasing me with chances for pleasure. It’s about making space for her to lean into cruelty without guilt. I want her to feel free to be selfish, even petty. To remind herself, if she ever forgets, that the scales don’t have to balance. She holds the weight. I exist to serve. My denial isn’t a void. It’s something she can fill with her teasing, her amusement, or her indifference, depending on what she wants, not what I need.

If she rolled another 1, it would suck for me, but it would also be another two weeks of opportunities for her. To use me. Humiliate me. Remind me that I have no say in this. That I’m hers. And that even my suffering is for her pleasure.

And then, there was the dream.

I never remember my dreams, but I remembered this one I had last night. In the dream I walked into the bedroom late at night and found Red taking care of herself with her vibrator. I interrupted her. She was angry with me for doing it and rightly so. She told me to get out, said I was useless anyway, and not to come back to bed that night.

I felt ashamed. Like I’d failed. Like I was nothing.

And yet… I also felt happy. Not because she rejected me, but because she did it so effortlessly. As if it was obvious she didn’t need me. That dismissal felt like the truest kind of ownership. She didn’t need to punish me or make a scene. She just made me irrelevant.

That feeling of being set aside, not out of malice but indifference, is still with me now.

If this dream means anything, it’s that our dynamic isn’t just something I practice. It’s becoming part of me. Settling into my subconscious. And I want to go further.

I want to belong to her more deeply.
I want her to feel free to use me or ignore me without explanation.
I want her to feel powerful and never once guilty.

And I want to keep showing up.

[Tongue+groove]

The freedom to feel selfish and that the scales don’t have to balance were the toughest hurdles for Mrs. G to overcome. Some days they still are, it’s all in the journey.

Your game may be something I need to consider.

[Chosen_Jackal]

It’s way too early for me to say anything about how Red feels about it, but it’s doing exact what I hoped it would for me so far.
It’s removed the “what if” from my mind, thus allowing me to just be present.

Before noon today I’ve already had the honor of going down on her and she’s fondled my balls and played with my nipples.
I can’t expect or beg for anything and that makes me really appreciative of any interaction she has with me.