Why doesn't he want it anymore?

[mikecb]

Hi lmf,

I'm a tad behind on my reading, and just found this thread.

I agree with the comments above about communication. There is no guideline for "doing it right" other than doing something that gives each of you satisfaction. That can vary immensely for different couples.

If you're really having trouble communicating with him, but he continues wanting to do chastity play, your best strategy might be to hold chastity play "hostage" until he talks things through with you. If you are having trouble with the conversation face to face, maybe you could do it better in writing? I know of several couples who just can't talk about it without discord, but can read each other's blogs, and make real progress.

It sounds like he craves submission, but has a dominant streak. You have some first-hand experiences with things going wrong. I agree with some other posts that men can be as hormonal as women during chastity play. You might want to negotiate, in advance, what will happen if one of these "go wrong" moments happens again.

Best of luck!
mikecb

[wishful4]

Agree with MikeCB. I suggest you sit him down with pen and paper and tell him firmly that he is to write down what he wants and desires from the relationship. Maybe you should do the same. You seem very much into trying to accomodate his desires, but what do you want and desire? Then sit down together and compare notes. My spouse and I came up with a short, real life, chastity agreement that addresses what we both want and it works. When things get complicated, we both have referred to it. Maybe a written agreement would help both of you.

[kpb57]

Hm, I get the feeling at least he (but I think both of you) are in many ways quite like us.

We like to switch roles, but we both don't like to be verbally or otherwise humiliated. Instead we like to be the "loved victim". Although we like to dress up (leather, corsets, nice black revealing underwear), we don't use "master" or "slave", and "orders" are rather voiced as requests that are expected to be followed, and not in a "miltary" tone. Spanking etc always has that "loving" aspect of slowly approaching the point of maximum pleasure expecially for the spanked (bound, pegged,....).

There's not much better for me than being held in her arms, hands cuffed behind my back, being kissed and fondled all over, while we keep telling us how much we love eacht other and how great we feel.

K