I Need Moral Support!

[Dev]

Ab got up for his early morning pee this morning and when he came back to bed he said, "Well, if things had gone according to plan, I'd be able to fuck you right now."

"Next weekend, sweetheart," I said. "I'll make it worth the wait."

As he said to me sometime during the deluge of young people yesterday, "It's a good thing we punted."

D

[thumper]

*like*

[mykey]

I think you both did the right thing. As thumper said don't underestimate the emotions or difficulty of what he is going through. It is very hard to go so long and takes experience to master living with it.

[Dev]

Well, our big weekend is not going quite as expected.

After everything got postponed last weekend, release was scheduled for 6 pm on Friday, which happened. But then, nothing much else happened, as least not the way I anticipated.

I thought that after 2 months, Ab would be raring to go, but he wasn't.

In his defense, he's had a very stressful week at work and on top of that, is working all weekend. He owns a small manufacturing company and business was very slow over the summer. Very slow. Things have picked up tremendously in recent weeks and he is scrambling to keep up. He got home on Friday and was exhausted. He went to bed early and went sound asleep---he didn't even budge when I came to bed a little later. He woke up at 2:30 am and we had sex---very ordinary, run-of-the-mill. He came, I didn't. He went back to sleep right afterwards. I felt anxious and frustrated.

We talked about it at dinner last night. He reiterated about the stress at work and the need to work all day today (Sunday--I thought he'd only work 1/2 day today but I was wrong). And then he said, "We might as well put the Jailbird back on because then I won't feel the pressure to perform." That is certainly not what I was expecting! I thought he'd be having big orgasm excitement after all these weeks but apparently not.

So I did put the Jailbird back on and locked it up. I feel better when he's wearing it.

We watched a Marx Brothers movie and then went to bed and had great "new" sex (I think of sex as new and old, chastity and pre-chastity). Multiple orgasms for me (4!) and he was moaning and groaning and making all those great frustration noises---none of which I heard the night before.

So there we are. Like I said, this isn't quite how I expected things to pan out.

D

[mikecb]

Ugh! Doesn't it suck when "life happens". Hopefully he'll get a few more opportunities at relief before your next stretch begins.

Have you been thinking about his lockup duration for the next time 'round?

mikecb

[Dev]

Have you been thinking about his lockup duration for the next time 'round?

Of course I have been thinking about it, but I don't have any definite ideas or thoughts at the present moment. Maybe forever?

I say that kiddingly, of course, but the events of the past day do have me thinking. I think I have posted in the blog or other places that for the past while (2 years? Maybe 3?) Ab has been saying "My pleasure is your pleasure" and not really focusing on his own orgasm very much. As everyone knows, I have attributed this to masturbation in the morning/not being able to come in the evening issue. But I am wondering how much of this is in my head---my thinking that he wants/needs to have an orgasm because, well, that's what guys want/need, right? But maybe it has become of less importance to him. He hasn't come right out and said it because...well, that would be an admission of something. What? That's he less manly? (He's not.). That he's becoming a sissy? (He isn't.). But men and women all ascribe a sort of supremacy to male orgasm that it is the ultimate goal--when we talk about chastity, how is it described---as denial of the male orgasm, rather than enhancement of the sexual experience.

To be honest, over the past two months, he's never complained about not having an orgasm. Sure, he's moaned and groaned in frustration when I've teased him but he's never said, "Please, please, please take this thing off, I just need to come!" The only real emotion was last Wednesday when I was suggesting holding things off a week because of the various houseguests who would be on the premises---he pushed back at that and did get a bit angry, but 24 hours later, acquiesced, and quite graciously, too.

I am feeling very confused this morning. Thoughts are welcome. Thanks, friends.

D

[Tutor]

I think if you'd ask most of the more mature people you know, they would say the whole male gotta have an orgasm thing or I'll explode myth is just that... a myth. My wife is slowly understanding that when I've said (over the years) that I didn't really need to have the big "O" (or even a little "o") to enjoy myself with the time we spent playing around, I was telling the truth.
Like a blog entry you had a bit back about:

"I no longer have that feeling like, “If I start something I’m going to need to see it to the bitter end (his orgasm).” Now, that’s not an issue unless I want to make it an issue. Of course, not feeling like that’s required EVERY time you reach for him makes it more fun when you do let him out and it’s YOUR idea to take it to his orgasm."

Later you go on to say, "...It is incredibly liberating to be able to enjoy closeness and tenderness without the added pressure of wondering if it is going to escalate to “the whole thing.”..." (btw your period needs to go after the end quote sign ).

The point I'm trying to make is that for him... although it would be nice to run around messing up your low ceilings... he doesn't feel it's necessary, at least right now. Life goes on, he's dealing with it. If your thinking of another long lockup consider instead a couple small lockups of 2 or 3 weeks instead and unlock for a couple good playful weekends before going a month or so. Just a consideration.
Make the chastity thing fun and exciting, mysterious because of the unknown time, and the excitement will come back into his step. Of course I am talking out my ass right now, but it sounds logical .

[Dev]

If your thinking of another long lockup consider instead a couple small lockups of 2 or 3 weeks instead and unlock for a couple good playful weekends before going a month or so. Just a consideration.

I have been toying with the idea of a round of short lock-ups (great minds think alike, as they say ). I am also wondering about saying something like, "I'm not going to pick a specific date. You need to let me know when you are feeling like it is time to come---and I'll take that into consideration regarding a release."

Overall, the game has been fun and we've been having a lot of fun with it. I just think real life is hitting us full force right now---stress at work, he's fighting a cold, he's tired, I'm tired and we're both feeling the effects of all that.

I am still thinking through the fact that he suggested being locked up again (he didn't ask) and didn't object at all when I took him up on his suggestion. Maybe he's reaching a point where he'd rather be locked than not?

D

[Tom Allen]

Dev, in case you didn't know, I also own a small manufacturing company. The last 3 years have been very stressful; I've had to lay off several people, and for the last year I also had to cut hours 10%. I gave up part of my salary to distribute a small year-end bonus last Christmas. In addition to bringing work home, I've had to go in on Sats and Suns, because after laying off some people, there were still things that needed to be done. IMHBCO, small manufacturing is right behind owning a small restaurant in terms of job stress. This is one of the reasons for my past year and a half of fitness posts - in my determination not to have a heart attack over it, I've made a point to lose weight and tone up. Plus, it gives me something to focus on besides the economy. I can't change the market, but I can at least work on myself.

That said, please keep in mind that you may have built up this weekend into something that was too much pressure for Ab to handle. In addition to whatever else was going on in his mind, he might have anticipated the weekend long sex romp into something that's just a little beyond his middle-aged capacity. He might have (at one time) imagined some nice reward from you, but instead found himself thinking about how to keep you pleasured for two straight days, and that added to his stress. Naturally, this is conjecture on my part.

FWIW, sometimes the lockup games with Mrs. Edge and I don't always play out how we imagine, for similar reasons. We've now learned *not* to make a big deal of them, because reality often clashes with the scripts that we have in our heads.

[Dev]

Hi Tom,

Wise words...thank you.

Someone once said that small manufacturing companies are the backbone of the economy but I also think they are backbreaking for the people who own them! On top of dealing with the rotten economy and needing to get products out the door (Ab's company makes wood-turned products: architectural turnings, columns, porch posts, table legs and the occasional fireworks plug during fireworks season), he is dealing with a whole lot of uncertainty about the building he is in. He owns the business but rents the building. The couple who own the building (who are friends) are in the middle of a very contentious and messy divorce. The judge has decreed that they must sell the building. Ab's business has been in the building, in one form or another, since 1872, so that should give you a hint of the shape its in and how much crap has accumulated over the years. They have priced it at $250,000 which is absurd. The only value is the property it sits on and if the factory were torn down, the area is zoned residential (the building has been grandfathered in for manufacturing). So, where that is all going to go...and he doesn't have a spare penny to buy a building and there are transactional costs of moving, too. Some days he says he should just close up shop but after 26 years of doing this, he could never work for another person, so what would he do? If only I were rich instead of beautiful, I'd let him stay home and wear a French maid's outfit and clean the house. LOL. JUST KIDDING EVERYONE!!!

Your point is very well taken that I may have built things up too much in my/our minds and I am working on owning that. (This is one of the problems with being a recovering perfectionist---we have to work on accepting our boo-boos.)

I am glad he wanted to put the JB back on and didn't just say, let's quit this whole thing. And once it was on, he--dare I say it?--actually seemed to relax and cheer up. Maybe erections and orgasms really aren't important but by wearing a chastity device, he doesn't have to come out and openly admit it. Who knows? Emotions, relationships, and feelings are all complicated. I am just trying to keep my mind in the right place to think through all these issues.

Thanks, Tom.

D