But what do I get out of this?

[KittensBoyToy]

I have a journal that is presented to M'Lady any time I make an entry. It is a place to write down my thoughts about our lifestyle, negative or positive, without fear of reprisal. Sometimes my writing will start a conversation, sometimes just a short comment from her and other times a written response before she gives it back to me.

To avoid her feeling I am 'topping from the bottom' I try not to get too detailed, especially if the comments are on the negative side. For example, I will say something about her mentioning wanting to practice her rope skills but avoid getting into specifics of bondage.

[TwistedMister]

TLDR: How to keep from topping from the bottom when your significant other told you from the very beginning that, while she was more than willing, she may need help being a dominant/keyholder?

If she doesn't know and you don't tell her, how is she going to learn? There has to be some kind of communication going on. Even in more serious power exchange/BDSM relationships there is some form of communication and negotiation between bottom and top. Participants need to know where the lines are drawn for each.

You could try something like "Hey, it might be fun if we tried this _________. What do you think?" Or, you could try writing a list of suggestions, options that each of you might find appealing, and give it to her, saying "Here are some ideas that might be interesting. Why don't you look them over, and if there is something you think you might like you could give it a try."

In this way, you aren't really 'topping from the bottom', you are merely presenting ideas and she gets to make the decision of whether or not anything occurs.

I sometimes like to use a little 'positive reinforcement' in the form of a note or text, saying "It was really hot when you _______." This lets her know that something she said/did was erotic and 'OK', and she knows that she is free to continue doing it if it is something she wants to do.

[heightenedstate]

Tom,

As eloquent and thorough as always. I suspect there is part of the reason you have been kept on staff so long and you guys make it work so well!

Wondering,

Kudos for investing the energy to try to understand. I, by no means have the answers but I do share in the attempts to make it worthwhile to my wife. Simply, I’m a really good husband unlocked, but even she will admit I spoil her too much when she holds the key. Masturbation can be a thirsty energy sink. I’m also better with money and career when she tells me to make it so. She doesn’t miss PIV much so I can’t make that comparison. And, your other half may be a self-centered bum. Tread carefully but know some people find a lot of fun in this dynamic.

Best of luck…

[Tom Allen]

Tom,

As eloquent and thorough as always. I suspect there is part of the reason you have been kept on staff so long

Kudos for investing the energy to try to understand. ... Tread carefully but know some people find a lot of fun in this dynamic.

<Ahem... >

Thu May 02, 2013 7:19 pm