Not staying hard

[TwistedMister]

I rarely take supplements, except for the occasional multi-vitamin when I know I'm not eating right (which is not often, I grew up eating only good stuff and have little desire for crap snacking- cookies, cake, candy, soda, etc.; my BMI is very low and my weight stays right around 140 with little effort).

I used to know a guy who said he had frequent spontaneous erections after taking the horny goat weed, but I have never had it.

As noted previously, many anti-depressants have undesirable side-effects, one of them being sexual dysfunction. The only one I am aware of (there may be others) that is reputed to *not* [usually] have this issue is Wellbutrin (Bupropion Hcl, AKA Zyban). It is also reported to *not* cause weight gain, and reduces or eliminates the somnolence/fatigue that may be encountered with other anti-depressants, particularly SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors).

You should talk to your doctor about changing your medication if this is an issue.

[Grizzly228]

I'm actually not taking anything right now. Originally I was on some antidepressants which made orgasms difficult to achieve. Which wasn't so bad. Then I was switched to one that was fine until I stopped taking it. My erections died basically for 50% of the time. Some days I was good and other days I was screwed figuratively. It was a big point of concern in that relationship and mayve helped destroy it as my reaction to it was less than desirable and her reaction was less than understanding.

I'm only taking alprazolam when needed which hasn't been for about two weeks (a long time for me) which led me to think it could be a side effect of NOT taking the pills as this was the same problem I had when coming off the other drugs. Cialis and Viagra made it possible but only gave me a short window and I prefer to make it last. I think the problem may be improving as this morning I had morning wood!! I missed that feeling. Haha

[lockedsteve]

First of all I am old but I never had a problem in getting hard. Since chastity, I have problems in getting hard after a few weeks of chastity. I am talking about even not being able to get myself hard. I think chastity has a lot to do with it because when I took a brief break, things returned to normal.

As others said, stress has a lot to do with it. There is the stress of trying not to ejaculate while she is edging me due to the price my butt will pay. There is also stress because I usually do not know that my wife is going to let me cum and so I am trying to resist become aroused by her edging, as much as I could and at my age it is not as difficult as it was when I was young. Even when she tells me that I can orgasm, performance anxiety kicks and interferes with my erection.

I have a large supply of generic Viagra that costs less than $2 a pill. I have enough for 5 years or more. I had been trying to guess when she would let me orgasm and wasted a lot of pills so I just stopped taking them. My wife also wants to feel she is responsible for my erections and I try to explain that Viagra does not make you hard like you see on TV. You need to be stimulated and that is all her. We talked about it yesterday during our long discussion of a few sex related issues and I suggested that we both stop worry about this issue and turn this negative into a positive. She will now use my erectile difficulty as a reason for longer term orgasm denial and verbal humiliation. It works for us and YMMV.

[TwistedMister]

I'm only taking alprazolam when needed which hasn't been for about two weeks (a long time for me) which led me to think it could be a side effect of NOT taking the pills as this was the same problem I had when coming off the other drugs.

Alprazolam (AKA Xanax) is a Benzodiazepine, and typically causes drowsiness. One might also feel dizzy, uncoordinated and fatigued, and experience an inability to concentrate. It also has hypnotic and amnesia effects as well as acting as a muscle relaxer. With effects like this, it would not be surprising to me to see an associated reduction in sexual desire and/or ability.

Conversely, assuming that you are taking it for its anti-anxiety effects, *not* taking it would result in an increase in anxiety/stress, resulting in reduced sexual desire/function. It has been my experience and observation that being 'stressed out' tends to reduce sexual desire and function.

This is one of the problems with using chemicals to adjust one's behavior/perceptions, especially on a periodic basis- it's an up and down like bouncing at the end of a bungie cord and you don't get to a 'happy medium'...and even if you *do* get to a 'happy medium' with chemicals, you may have to pay the price of unwanted side-effects.

The good news, is that if you are capable of achieving erections, as evidenced by nocturnal erections/morning wood, then you most likely do not have a *physical* problem- it's all in your head.

The bad news, is that being 'all in your head', in order for you to get away from the undesired effects of chemical treatments you are going to have to find a way to get at the root cause of your stress/anxiety/depression and relieve or overcome it on your own. In other words, you need to figure out what's bugging you and put a stop to it.

It may sound like an oversimplification but it really isn't. Unfortunately, though it sounds simple, I know from personal experience that it can be difficult to achieve in actuality. I can't tell you what will work for you- a change in job, a change in where you live, or some other change or combination of changes. It could be something as simple as a shift in perception/outlook, with or without the other changes. A turning point for me was when somebody told me "It's not what happens to you that matters, it's how you handle it." When I grasped the truth of that statement, a lot of my stress disappeared. You may not be able to control everything that happens in your life, but what you *can* control is your reaction to those events, and the plans/decisions you make to respond to them.

Wasting time and energy worrying about things that have already happened, that can't be changed, does no good at all, you can only make a plan for how you are going to move on from where you are and put it into action. Likewise, wasting time worrying about things that 'might' or 'could' happen does little good either, except in the case of assessing the probability of those events and planning for what you will do to avoid them, or if, despite your best efforts, a possible undesired event occurs, what you will do to respond to it and move on. You cannot control *everything* that happens to you, sometimes, bad luck and coincidence result in events that could not be foreseen and cannot be controlled or avoided. All you can do in that case is to determine that you *will* move on and take action rather than sitting and lamenting the fact that an undesired event occurred.

Obviously, I'm just shooting in the dark here as I have no idea whether or how much any of this might apply to you and your situation. If you want to discuss it further, we'll have to move to PMs. We can continue, or not, as you wish.

[Grizzly228]

Thank you. I think you're well thought out response is what's Happening. I get so used to understanding and expecting the side effects of the pills that when I get side effects of not taking the pills is comes as a bit of a shock. The problem seems to be improving as I was able to have sex 2 out of 3 attempts this weekend though the last took a lot of mental and physical effort.

I'm a nervous nelly and having financial problems as well as just switched up companies I've dealt with for wifi and cable for 14 years. May seem like a silly reason to lose erections but the way my brain works it focuses on "background issues" Instead of living in the moment. Definitely trying to improve my attitude and take life one day at a time.