[Naljeans] Back in - relief

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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Wed Apr 17, 2019 2:57 pm

Well, crap. It appears I’ll be in the Nub for longer than usual. I needed it this morning for work and my owner is noticeably silent on letting me switch back. Of course today is the day I used the smaller base ring (which is the same size as the Contender ring.) It was far harder to get on, but fits better than the larger ring once it’s on. The Nub isn’t painful but so emasculating (yea yea, I know.) And any bit of arousal is gone before it starts. I hope this doesn’t last too long.

Update: this was a miscommunication on my end. Long story short, my owner doesn’t particularly care which cage I’m in unless I’m with her (Contender - she likes having access without having to remove it.)
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Tue May 28, 2019 9:49 pm

Naljeans wrote:
Fri Dec 21, 2018 5:03 pm
She basically explained that she would milk me in the cage for health purposes but that would be my only release. Ever. “I would only remove the cage to clean you or hurt you.”

I don’t know if this will happen, but it’s starting to feel real. I’m shocked how at peace I am with that.
Six months later, and apparently this is happening now. The cage will be removed for cleaning every few weeks and for torture whenever she wants. Any orgasms won’t involve my cock. I’m comfortable with the plan, though a bit anxious. I’m somewhat skeptical about whether she’ll actually go through with it, but I also know she’s capable of it and seems to really like the idea. So, I guess I’ll find out.

The irony of this is we just recently discovered that I don’t really have a post-orgasm drop in submissiveness any more. Hopefully that gets tested at some point.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:36 am

This was a first - I awoke this morning and felt a tinge of panic, as I thought I had a full erection and something was wrong with my cage. Of course I didn’t. Still in a 1.6” cage. Am I that conditioned now? Total mind bender.

Now a lesson in unintended consequences: I told my KH/owner this happened. Her reply: “Wow, maybe we really do need to consider ordering you a smaller cage.” Because apparently I shouldn’t be able to even pretend to have an erection.
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Naljeans
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:53 pm

Naljeans wrote:
Tue May 28, 2019 9:49 pm
I’m comfortable with the plan, though a bit anxious. I’m somewhat skeptical about whether she’ll actually go through with it, but I also know she’s capable of it and seems to really like the idea. So, I guess I’ll find out.

The irony of this is we just recently discovered that I don’t really have a post-orgasm drop in submissiveness any more. Hopefully that gets tested at some point.
Well, seems like she is going through with it, and I’m surprised by my mental reaction. Not only am I at peace with it, our chastity journey makes more sense. While playing, she reminded me of my status now, in ways that any rational person would think was extremely humiliating. Not only did I not feel humiliated, I felt empowered somehow. Thoroughly owned, and liberated by her happiness. This sounds corny because it is, but it’s difficult to articulate the joy of really deep submission.

It’s been 2.5 weeks since I’ve been allowed to get hard, and I’m not fixated on it like usual. It could be because I know there’s no certainty I’ll get out soon. Or it may be understanding that I don’t actually need to get hard now and be satisfied. Hell, it might be both.

Note: all of these feelings are subject to change if she sticks with it. Ha
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sun Jun 09, 2019 9:46 pm

Well, I’ll be going at least another week without being uncaged at all, which will be a month without an erection, and possibly longer. We thought yesterday was a month, to which she said “See? It just flew by. Six months will seem like nothing.” (??) Apparently she was considering letting me out for CBT, until I asked. Oops. To be fair, this arrangement feels perfect somehow.

I also switched to a smaller base ring (1 5/8”). It looked quite small but fits perfectly. I didn’t realize just how loose the 1 3/4” had become. As usual, Mark had it shipped within a day of ordering.

I’m pretty sure I won’t need to shorten the cage now, though I can’t rule out the 1/4” adjustment my KH mentioned. There’s a range of 0 to 1/8” room to grow now. I know she likes me being in the Nub, so that may be too much room.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:16 pm

In the Nub for the day, and decided to try the smaller ring again. I got it on but it was painful, so I went back to the larger ring. Or so I thought.

In my haste to switch cages quickly, I had grabbed the smallest of the four rings. Now I’m in the second smallest and it’s the size I couldn’t handle previously. It’s snug but not uncomfortable. Just like the smaller ring on the Contender, it keeps everything very compact and pulled forward a bit.

So apparently it is possible for the base measurement to shrink, even after adjusting to long term wear. This has been most pronounced in the last two months.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:28 am

Much to my surprise, my owner unlocked me after a month and ordered me to hump her. It was an incredible, long orgasm. This was after an anal orgasm that nearly caused me to pass out. The real surprise was how severe the drop would be. It took two days to mentally recover. Cloudy head, lingering anxiety. I’m not sure what to make of it. My owner said that full normal orgasms may be too traumatic for me now that they happen so infrequently. I’m wondering whether this was a test or a lesson of some sort. If so, it worked.

It’s been interesting learning and accepting that not everyone is wired the same way. There is a chicken-or-the-egg component to this. Or maybe it’s nature v. nurture. Meaning, am I wired this way or evolving to best suit her needs? I suspect it’s a bit of both.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Wed Jun 26, 2019 10:01 pm

My brain isn’t broken! Woohoo! My owner insisted that I orgasm, which I surprisingly pleaded hard against. Apparently this was an experiment to see if I had the same drop as before. I did not, which is obviously encouraging, but could be my last normal orgasm for a while. Or not.

Unrelated: today was punishment day. After realizing that caning was losing effectiveness, she decided that I would purchase and wear a full teddy under my clothes all day. Due to work, I had to switch to the Nub.* I realize that sounds like a great idea to many. It was physically unpleasant and mentally...well, it’s deepening the trajectory of our relationship.

* I’m now between ring sizes on the Nub. The larger ring is ineffective and the smaller is a tiny bit too small. It’s manageable but takes baby oil gel constantly. In for a day already, and can’t wait to get back in the Contender in 24 or 48 hours.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Sat Jun 29, 2019 9:43 am

Couples use chastity in a variety of different ways that suit their needs and desires. I think that evolves over time too. We began using chastity mainly for control and signifying ownership. The far longer project has been making it sink in that as part of that ownership, my dick is truly not mine, and if she so chooses, is irrelevant. That trend is probably evident through my previous posts. She’s found that I serve her needs better when my dick isn’t involved. That I’m far more eager with the things she enjoys when I have been caged and remain so.

I’m finding that I’m learning to like and yearn for what she likes. Examples:

- She likes knowing that I can’t get an erection, despite wanting to roughly a dozen times per day. For weeks at a time.

- She likes the idea of me being satisfied through pegging only.

- She likes the sacrifice, obedience and humility of me only sitting to pee, with extremely rare exceptions.

- She likes knowing that she’s turned an otherwise masculine, successful guy into the traditional girl role in our relationship.

- Most importantly, she knows that by making only her needs relevant, it satisfies my biggest need.

All of this crystallized as I contemplated going back in the Contender. My owner is gone for a week. I’ve been in the Nub since Wednesday for work. She authorized me to switch, but it has to be done when I know I won’t start getting hard. Not many of those times in a day.

The Nub is perfectly comfortable and I’ve figured out cleaning. So why would I switch? Selfishly, because I don’t like feeling neutered even though I am, to a large degree. I don’t like having absolutely no access to myself. I don’t like looking down and seeing only a lock. I miss the visual of the Contender and being able to adjust myself. And none of that matters even a little.

So why switch? There’s just no meaningful reason to until and unless she orders otherwise.
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Re: [Naljeans] Back in - relief

Post by Naljeans » Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:24 pm

No big update or change in things here. I’m at almost three weeks with no uncaging for any reason. As always, that may or may not change. I’m entirely comfortable remaining caged, and part of me wants to go for a longer duration (one month is the longest thus far.) Now I only really want out of the cage two or three times a day.

My owner was torturing my caged area a bit - grabbing, poking, squeezing - reminding me that I don’t need to be out for her to enjoy inflicting some pain. One particularly hard squeeze hurt quite a bit but I couldn’t tell exactly where. She saw the blood through my panties and hustled me to the bathroom. Apparently some skin on my balls got caught in the front bars of the cage and came off. Despite the bleeding, it didn’t hurt and I thought it was funny. And even funnier when she put a bandaid on my balls. For once she was more spooked than me!

Redirecting my pleasure to pegging is working well. It’s interesting learning what your body can do. Like an anal orgasm with no ejaculation. Feels extraordinary but different. As she said “that’s better than involving your cock. No mess, no drop!” I couldn’t really argue. The longer I’m caged, the more I start yearning for that. It’s mildly unsettling.
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