The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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This is a work about getting started in Male Chastity written for the wife. It is a loose combination of an article by an unknown author and my own writing and experiences. Although it is in the Fiction area, it does contain "real world" information for couples starting out in the MC lifestyle and is also for entertainment. It consists of several chapters and contains a little fantasy to be interesting and enough factual information to be useful (I hope). Before you begin reading, this is not meant to be a "how to" for MC because there is no right or wrong way to do it. Comments and criticisms are welcome, especially from our Keyholders. Stay tuned for Chapter One: What's this all about?
Last edited by wishful4 on Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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The Wife’s Male Chastity Primer
Chapter 1 - Male Chastity: What’s this all about?

Male chastity (MC) and strict orgasm control may be just the thing to bring you closer together as a couple and enhance your sexual relationship. Simply put, you take consensual control of your husband’s sexuality. You, alone, decide when and if he is granted an orgasm. However, before you decide to lock up your hubby’s penis, you need to ask yourself the following questions. Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is paying too much attention to pornography or other women? Is it obvious or has he admitted to you that he masturbates often? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, maybe you should consider male chastity for your husband.

To make chastity work you need to first develop a plan and then whole heartedly put it into action. The strong consensus is that for male chastity to really change your marriage, it has to be real and not a game. You can treat it as a game, but it is preferable to make it a 24/7 part of your relationship. 24/7 is the key; it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn’t have the opportunity to control their sexual release. This is one of the areas that the wife must have absolute control of. The basic idea is to make male chastity an integral part of your relationship, not make your whole relationship about chastity. When you first start out, your chaste male can become obsessed with his chastity and want to talk about it all the time. It’s up to you not to allow him to smother you with it. Speak up if he gets overbearing. Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. Your dominance and male chastity should not interfere in other areas. However, you may find he will react differently towards you, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.

Whether male chastity is something that he initiated, the two of you mutually agreed upon or something that you decided to implement, one thing is a necessity: there needs to be something for both of you to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of a male’s life, his sexual abilities – and for that you need to realize that he should be rewarded as you will be, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him and put a smile on his face. Like marriage, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his over all behavior. It could be him giving you massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. You know how to dress to turn him on and you need to find out his fetishes if you don’t know them already and indulge them. All of this will heighten his happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair. As a wife/keyholder, it may take a longer time to determine what you stand to gain from male chastity. You are taking on a responsibility to manage his chastity. In time, it will become evident what is in it that you like and you can take steps to focus his attentiveness towards you by encouraging him to do the things that you enjoy.

All men, given the ability, masturbate way more often than most women think they do. This is something that is difficult for him to control and even more difficult to part with. Young men have an abundance of testosterone so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men grow older, masturbating usually translates into the husband ignoring his wife for a period of time after an orgasm. Properly managed male chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and can encourage positive change in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly, it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to help with the cooking, the cleaning or the laundry, but you will find that it will happen. It happens because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the ONLY source of his sexual release. He will find, over time, he is happier because you’re happier. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share. It’s hard to explain why this happens, but it does. Stay tuned for Ch2: How to we get started?
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 2: How do we get started? Once you have mutually decided Male Chastity is something you both wish to try, then you can begin to formulate a plan to implement it. First, learn as much as you can about MC via books, the internet, online forums, and the like. Explore this as a couple. One word of caution here, a lot of info online and in print is geared towards the porn fantasy crowd and not reality based. As you learn more, you will be able to separate the treasure from trash. An online forum such as ChastityForums.com is one of the best places to obtain reality based information and ask questions. Your husband should remember that, sexually, the wife should be always in command and that, first and foremost, she should always be sexually satisfied. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. His not being able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that more time can be spent on insuring that the wife experiences many more than ever before. Simply be direct and tell him what you want. Don’t make him guess. Both of you will eventually expand your definition of what sex is. It can be anything from a foot rub or massage to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, to oral and intercourse. Bottom line it is whatever the wife wants when and how she wants it. On the surface, this sounds unfair. You may think that this works only to the wife’s advantage and that is a common misconception. It seems counterintuitive, but it is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. One thing that is a direct result of him being kept chaste is that he will love seeing you have an orgasm. It gives him a sense of accomplishment. Once under lock and key, it is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm, he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. You often may not grant him an orgasm, but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido.

How do you know what to do and what he desires? This is especially troublesome for the wife if the husband is the one requesting chastity. Simply write it all down. Put your thoughts on paper and have him do the same. Some couples favor a written male chastity contract, putting down on paper what is expected from each person. Others just go with the flow and wing it. There is no right or wrong way to do MC, just what works for you. In time, you will learn by experience what is best for him and for the relationship. The most important thing is, no matter how you do it, communicate, communicate, and communicate!!! This can’t be overstated.

The basics of an agreement are that he agrees to be locked in a chastity device of your choosing with you holding the key, and that you alone have the power to unlock and grant him an orgasm. Additionally, if the two of you are into other kinks such as a dominant/submissive relationship or corporal punishment/discipline, the written contract can contain items that refer to that, as well. It can be whatever you want it to be and it is always a working document, subject to change. Okay, you have read and researched and now have an understanding of MC and are ready to try it. Standby for Ch 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 3: Purchasing a Male Chastity Device Shopping for your first device is something you should do together as a couple. Remember that this device belongs to you even though it is worn by him. It often takes a long time and several male chastity devices to find the perfect one for your hubby. Don’t be discouraged. Many couples go through several devices and alterations to finally get the right fit. A few get lucky the first time, but don’t count on it. A good first step is to order a set of sizing rings and print out instructions for measuring from Mature Metal. Once you have determined what sizes work, you can see what “off the shelf’ size devices are out there that may fit his anatomy. If you want to try a cheaper device before jumping to an expensive custom made device, you will have somewhat of an idea what may or may not work based on your measurements and experience with the sizing rings. If you want to go immediately to a custom stainless steel device, you will have the measurements to do so. The best advice here is to be patient and let your hubby put in most of the effort into getting a device that fits right. He is the one who will wear it all the time. Have trial lock ups until he is ready to be locked down for longer periods. Don’t be surprised if you have to stop a week or two into the lock up to get something fixed or let a sore spot heal. If there is a problem take off the device and see if it can be quickly fixed. Sometimes there is just a spot that has been rubbed raw and needs some ointment or the device left off for a couple of days. If you have to send the device back to be altered, start the clock over when it comes back and lock him up again. Eventually, the device kinks will get worked out and your patience will be rewarded. You will have the satisfaction of knowing that his days of masturbating behind your back are finally over.

After all the trial and adjustments, you should end up with a male chastity device that is comfortable and secure with the smallest cage/tube possible for his penis that will only allow very little, if any, erection. A small cage/tube quickly limits the growth of his penis and is actually more comfortable for him to wear. Consensus is that his penis should fill the cage while flaccid at least 70-80 percent of the time. Often the original tube ordered turns out to be too wide or too long because of the male’s optimistic measurements or fear of being too confined. After a while in a chastity tube, the penis has a tendency to shrink a bit which makes the getting the right sizing initially difficult. Generally, each new device ordered tends to have a smaller and smaller cage in both length and diameter. Again, the perfect sized one should be snug and allow very little or no erection. You want him completely dependent on you for getting an erection and as I mentioned, a smaller tube will actually be more comfortable after he has adjusted to it. A loose tube can also allow enough growth from an erection that with sliding the tube up and down, it may be possible for men with very sensitive penis’ to reach an orgasm in the cage.

Well, it has taken months, but you now have a properly fitted device and are ready to assume your Keyholder duties for your chaste hubby. Stay tuned for Ch 4: How long do I keep him locked up?
Last edited by wishful4 on Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 4 - How long do I keep him locked up? Initially, your hubby will probably not be able to wear the device for very long. Start with a few hours and work up to a week, then two weeks. The skin in the genital area is tender and will have to become accustomed to the device. Assuming his behavior during the lockup warrants it, let him know you are proud of his progress and reward him as you see fit. He will, most likely, look forward to being relocked. Prior to giving him an orgasm after his two week stint, when arousal is high, tell him that if you grant him an orgasm, his next lockup is going to be much longer. Ask him if he wants the orgasm or does he prefer to forgo it and relock for another two weeks. If he wants an orgasm on these terms, continue to completion. Afterwards he will, most likely, become a nuisance trying to find out from you how long his next lockup will be. Don’t tell him yet. Leave him unlocked for a day or two to see if he misses wearing the device. When you ask him, he will probably tell you he does miss it and wonders when you will relock him. Once he can remain locked in the device for two weeks without release, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice male chastity that an initial enforcement of chastity should be at least two months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits. It will probably end up being a longer period than two months, but that will be explained later. Preventing him from having an orgasm for a two month period may seem a bit harsh, but it is paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure any time he desires. Enforcing the first two month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind and make him understand your desire, commitment, and strict determination to his being chaste; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “NO”. When you relock him this time, he should be made aware of the time frame immediately. This allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment of time. Let him know how important this milestone for him is to you and reassure him that you will make this two month period as exciting as is possible for the two of you.

This two month lockup will, most likely, be extended by you and this is why. As he approaches one month in chastity, he may start to feel he just can’t stand it any more. There will be “moments of desperation” where he feels he must have an orgasm and he will, most likely, be quite vocal about it. As his Keyholder, your steadfastness and determination here is crucial. Cuddle and comfort him, reiterating how important it is to you that he remains in chastity. Let him know how proud you are of his effort so far. Allow him to pleasure you as much as you desire in any way you desire as it will take his mind off his own predicament. Massages, foot rubs, oral sex, toys, it’s all good. More to come about managing your chaste male will be discussed in the next chapter. If he is still at all uncooperative during this first two months, you should consider adding additional time to his lock up and let him know this. If it still continues or he doubts your seriousness, add a one or two week extension as a warning about whining and begging. Threaten a one month extension the second time. He must understand you are serious about this. After that, there should be no more incidents. You will get better with experience. So, hubby is locked and things are going well. Then, a few weeks later he is following you around like a puppy, can’t keep his hands off of you, hugging & kissing you constantly. It’s starting to wear on you and some guilt feelings are popping up in your mind about keeping him locked for so long. Stay tuned for Chapter 5: Help! He's Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down.
Last edited by wishful4 on Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 5 – Help! He’s Driving Me Crazy and Wearing Me Down! Managing a chaste male on a day to day basis is one of the more difficult parts of being a Keyholder. You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. When you can do this, it will change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that sets you and him on the path to long term happiness. You want to keep him aroused daily, but it should not be a chore for you. There are many days when nothing sexual will happen between you and hubby, but it only takes a small effort on your part to keep him aroused. A sexy email or text, a sensual kiss; a naughty whisper in his ear while tweaking his nipple, then a swat on the behind telling him resume his vacuuming should do the trick. He will be putty in your hands. Experienced Keyholders agree that you cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms, getting him completely focused on his new role of pleasing you, and your becoming comfortable with being in charge. A chastity lifestyle will be very hard on him initially and two months or more without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. You will have put an end to his days of masturbating behind your back for good. His life will never be the same after. Rather than pleasuring himself when he wants, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it. If you haven’t achieved these goals by the end of the two month period, then lengthen the time. Avoid falling into the trap of feeling that you have to let him have an orgasm since he has been under lock and key for so long and is so frustrated by the chastity device.

There may be times where you feel you must unlock him to use his penis. Fortunately, there is a way to do this without letting him orgasm by using numbing cream and several condoms. This usually works, but there is always a small risk that he may cum, especially if he has been locked for a long time. Every woman should own a Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. The Wand will prove to be the one staple that helps you resist the urge to unlock him when you desire an orgasm. However, if you wish some penetrative sex, put him and the wand to good use. Let him penetrate you with the understanding he is absolutely not allowed to orgasm under threat of extending his locked time. Have him limit his movements inside you to that end. Supplement his actions with the Wand on your clitoris and watch out for the fireworks. There are also other alternatives that allow penetration without any risk of him ejaculating. The easiest is to use is a strap-on dildo. There are several models available that will fit just above his chastity device and give you great stimulation. You can also supplement those with the Wand vibrator. Watch out for those fireworks again!! There are also a number of fun double sided penis gags that you can use to ride his face while he looks up at you. They are guaranteed to make his penis swell to the limits of his cage. With respect to strap-ons and dildos; you get what you pay for so purchase the best quality you can afford. You won’t regret it.

Upon completing his initial confinement period give him an experience like he has never had before. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his orgasm a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to tie him down to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum, it will be almost too much for his body to handle.

When you finally do release him, let it be on your terms. “On your terms” means you need to give some thought about what you want to do with your hubby after the long lockup is over. Do you want to continue MC on a 24/7 basis until you decide to unlock him or do you set a specific locked period each time. Talk about it together as a couple but, of course, the final decision must be the yours. After two plus months of being locked up your hubby should be willing to do almost anything for a release so in that sense the chastity device will have done its job physically, but mentally some men can hold out for two months or more then bounce back to their old ways once you let them cum and they expect future orgasms on a regular basis. In determining your follow on lockup plan, you need to consider this.

Well, you and hubby finally made it. Two long months plus a week for hubby’s incessant begging and complaining. His release was mind blowing. So, what do you do next? Standby for Chapter 6: We made it. What’s next?
Last edited by wishful4 on Tue Sep 15, 2015 11:11 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 6 - We made it. What’s next? Hopefully, by this time, you will have answered the question that eludes many wives. What’s in this for me? Are you turned on by the loving attentiveness, by being in control, or by teasing and denying him? Has your relationship blossomed into a WLM (Wife Led marriage) and your dominance moved outside the bedroom? The answer to these questions will determine your male chastity plan for the future. As your journey continues, you are solidly in control and will be able to add new ideas to your relationship. That’s why your male chastity contract in a working document, subject to change. Many women find it helpful to keep a journal of what works well and what doesn’t. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your hubby under your spell will let you, and him, discover chastity’s amazing rewards. How do you maintain control? MC is a consensual kink. His obedience is a cornerstone for male chastity to be successful. That’s why two way communications between you and hubby are so critical. You will never want to let things revert back to his “lack of control” again. If you will put in the effort over the long term, you’ll not regret it even though at times it seems like a lot of work. One of the big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself. The two can be one and the same thing. Having him perform oral sex on you while locked up is almost guaranteed to drive him to the edge. Fortunately, for you the chastity device will keep him from going over. The more sex you get without letting him cum, the more he wants you. If more women knew this secret there would be a lot more locked up husbands and boyfriends. Remember you have all the time in the world to train him to be the wonderful hubby that you want without any need to worry about getting him off. Once locked all he does is fantasize about you. You will need to decide if you want to be the one that initiates sex or whether you want him to. There is an old saying among men that encouraged their wives to adopt a chastity lifestyle… be careful what you wish for. Often the husband finds that the fantasy of male chastity is much different than the reality. Some of the husbands would, if given a choice, go back to their old ways, but absolutely none of the wives would. The consensus is that, deep down, the men are happier because they really wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives in the first place. If you need some suggestions for the next phase of your male chastity lifestyle, standby for Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase.
Last edited by wishful4 on Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Wife's Male Chastity Primer

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Chapter 7 – The Maintenance Phase. How do you manage you hubby’s chastity now that you are in the maintenance phase? There is no right or wrong answer here. Once you allow him his first release after two months plus in chastity, it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow and how often. A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you have a follow on plan for when you will get hubby back into his device. Some of the women do this by always tying him down before the device is removed. While this has its old school charms, there are lots of other options. Locking his hands behind his back in a pair of steel handcuffs is a quick way to keep him from grabbing his penis if you are teasing him. You can get a waist belt with a pair of leather cuffs attached or something similar for cuffing his hands to his thighs. If all you are doing is inspecting his penis and making sure the device is cleaned, then just put the handcuffs on one of his wrists prior to removing his device. Before the cuff comes off he has to be secured back in his chastity device. Hopefully, you will be able to trust your hubby enough that he will not cum without your permission and you won’t have to resort to restraining him. It is much easier for him to install the chastity device himself than for you to do it. The less that you have to worry about his not wanting to relock, the more likely you are to take his device off frequently which promotes both teasing and keeping the cage and his penis clean.

How often should you allow a release? There were a number of different views about how often a male should be allowed to cum after the initial denial period. Some of the women with younger males allow an orgasm about once a week. These younger men were, most likely, masturbating at least daily before, so that once a week is a big reduction. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him the better.

The most common belief that what’s best for older males is not to allow them to achieve an orgasm more than once per month but not go longer than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so. That’s because the post-orgasm letdown period during which he is not loving and attentive is longer for older males. Some women liked to think about how often hubby could have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A 50-1 ratio seems to be very popular but you can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right. This approach gives him a strong incentive to initiate sex and give you orgasms. Some women like to set goals for their hubby where they are allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if they meet a big goal such as weight loss.

There’s no denying that many women want and need penetrative sex with the real thing from time to time. To make these rare opportunities for him to have intercourse work, you need to recognize that after being locked up for long time, younger men may cum with a hair trigger. Older men may not erect as quickly after a long lockup and their erection may not get as large as they did before chastity. It’s perfectly fine to occasionally take him out of the cage and get him hard, tease him a bit, then relock him as frequently as you think necessary to keep his equipment in good working order. Viagra or Cialis can also help older males maintain a good erection for your use. Some women use their hubbies for intercourse for several days in a row treating the whole event as a single release period before they lock their hubby back up for a prolonged duration. Yet another Keyholder likes to have her husband instigate elaborate romantic seduction rituals or plan a weekend retreat somewhere special for the two of them. She never unlocks him during these events, but on the rare occasion when he really does well, she gives him an orgasm the next day. The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his own.

The Bottom Line: Your hubby’s new reality now is, most likely, much different than his original male chastity fantasy because it is now your fantasy, not his. Take ownership of his new male chastity lifestyle. It is, after all, about you. Wives who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.
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