The Spreadsheet

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The Spreadsheet

Post by hmb »

So, I read about the whiny, entitled asshole who made a spreadsheet instead of talking to his girlfriend about their sex life and it made me wonder what my sex life would look like in rows and columns.(adapted to fit this forum) Unlike that guy, I haven't thought of myself as being deprived. I love my wife. Yeah, I want sex more often than she does. Really, though, I only want sex if it is going to be something we both share in,. So, I kind of can't want more sex than she does because the sex she wants is the only kind I like. Anyway, I decided I'd make a pass at her every day for a month. Partly because keeping a secret sex journal behind her back for longer than that seemed too creepy for me even if I'm just doing it for curiosity's sake.

Without further ado:
  • The Spreadsheet
    • Friday, August 1 bedtime
    • I snuggle up to her and rub her arm lightly.
    • "nuh-uh" (as in "no") and a little shrug letting me know to stop rubbing
    • Saturday, August 2 bedtime
    • after she undressed, I said, "you look sexy."
    • smiles. "Thank you!" Looks at herself. Rubs her hands down her curvy sides. "Good night, sweetie." gives me a peck.
    • Sunday, August 3 morning
    • we're both not quite awake. I spoon her and stroke her hips.
    • "I'm sleeping." I rolled away. "You can still spoon me." Later I woke up and gave the kids breakfast and left her in bed. She came down half an hour later. When I went up to get dressed, her vibrator was left out.
    • Monday, August 4 bedtime
    • "It's been a while since we've had sex. I miss it."
    • "Come on. We just did last weekend." (meaning the weekend before).
    • Tuesday, August 5 bedtime
    • snuggling up to her, "I'm really horny."
    • "Sorry, I'm really not right now."
    • Wednesday, August 6 bedtime
    • "Do you want a backrub?" she had a long day.
    • "Sure." After about thirty minutes, I am very turned on and hard and rub against her butt some while I'm massaging. "You can be done, sweetie." I rub against her butt more and kiss her neck. "I just want to go to sleep now. I don't mind if you jerk off, though." I do. She's alseep by the time I'm done.
    • Thursday, August 7 bedtime
    • "Do you want another backrub?"
    • "Sure, but you're not getting any." After the backrub, I jerk off again.
    • Friday, August 8 late bedtime
    • We've had a couple drinks. "I really want you, baby."
    • "How about a backrup first and we'll see what happens." I rub her back awhile and am very hard. She invites me to rub her pussy and soon we have sex. Feels amazing. I come quickly after two weeks gap. She uses vibrator after.
    • Saturday, August 9 morning
    • I snuggle up, stroke her down her arm, kiss her neck.
    • "I need a little more sleep."
    • Sunday, August 10 morning
    • I snuggle up again. We spoon chastely.
    • After a few minutes, she starts to wiggle her butt against me. I rub back and kiss her neck. Kids woke up then. I fed them. She used her vibe then came down for breakfast.
    • Monday, August 11 bedtime
    • "You really left me hanging yesterday morning." I stroke her arm.
    • "I'm on my period or I would make it up to you. Do you want to jerk off?" I should mention that I can't really get hard on my own even with porn, so I need her help even to jerk off. I said yes. "Your can rub my butt." I rub my cock against her butt until I'm hard and dry hump her. "Hey, don't get me all sticky!" I finish in my hand.
    • Tuesday, August 12 bedtime
    • "I know you're on your period, but can you help me out again?"
    • "Again? Ok." She rolls over so I can hump her butt again. As soon as I start she reminds me, "don't get me sticky."
    • Wednesday, August 13 bedtime
    • "Is it still the wrong time of month?" snuggling against her.
    • "No, I'm done, but didn't you just get off yesterday?" yes, but it isn't the same as making love. "Maybe tomorrow."
    • Thursday, August 14 bedtime
    • *You know, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met."
    • "Thank you." (ok technically I didn't ask for sex this night. I just told her how much I love her, meant it, and hoped something might happen. It didn't, but it was nice.
    • Friday, August 15 bedtime
    • "I love you so much. You're so sexy. I'd really love to make love with you tonight."
    • "Aww. You're such a sweetheart. Come here." We snuggle. "I'm really not in the mood tonight, but I love you, too."
    • Saturday, August 16 morning
    • "Do you think you might be in the mood this morning?"
    • "I had a long week at work. Can I just sleep in today?"
    • Sunday, August 17 morning
    • "The kids are still asleep."
    • "Ooh and you're already hard? Why don't you jerk off real quick?" I do. She watches, then gets her vibrator out when I'm done.
    • Monday, August 18 bedtime
    • "You feeling sexy tonight, honey?"
    • "You heard about my day. You know I'm gonna say 'no'." I didn't want to assume until I'd actually her you say 'no'. "Well, No. No. No. No. No. No. No"
    • Tuesday, August 19 bedtime
    • She didn't wear a nightgown. I tenderly stroke her hips and thighs.
    • "What's with you lately?" I just love you and find you very sexy. "Well, quit it. Goodnight." peck.
    • Wednesday, August 20 bedtime
    • She had pajamas on. I spooned her. "You're so sexy, even in cotton pajamas."
    • "You'd find me sexy in a snowmobile suit. I thought I told you to quit it." I did last night. "I meant give me a break.You're after me every night. Go to sleep."
    • Thursday, August 21 bedtime
    • "I'm not trying to bug you, but would you like a backrub tonight?"
    • "Yes, please." after I was done she asked, "did you get hard?" I had, but it passed. "Oh, I was going to say you should jerk off. You can rub my butt if you want." I did. Once I was going, she said, "don't come on there." I finished in my hand.
    • Friday, August 22 bedtime
    • "Thanks for last night. That was nice. Do you want another backrub?"
    • "Not tonight, sweety."
    • Saturday, August 23 morning
    • as we're both slowly waking up, I cuddle and kiss her neck.
    • "We have to get up right away. It's a busy day."
    • Sunday, August 24 midday
    • oldest was at a friend's. youngest napped. "You feel like going upstairs for a snuggle?"
    • "Not right now, I want to get some cleaning done."
    • Monday, August 25 bedtime
    • she came to bed naked. I stroke her belly lightly with fingertips.
    • "That feels nice. Keep doing that." When I leaned in for a kiss, she mumbled about already being asleep.
    • Tuesday, August 26 bedtime
    • she showered before bed. asked me to rub lotion on her back.
    • "Are you turned on after ten seconds of that? Really? I'm too tired tonight."
    • Wednesday, August 27 bedtime
    • "I've been thinking about your sexy body all day."
    • "Oh. I don't feel sexy right now. I was just reading about banana fungus." (You can't make this up.)
    • Thursday, August 28 bedtime
    • I snuggled up to her, put my arms around and kissed her neck. She wriggled into it, so I kept kissing.
    • After a minute or two of snuggling, "Did I tell you what happened at work today?" no. "Well, we finally had a meeting about Tim." Tim is a terrible coworker. Mood gone, we talked about Tim and work.
    • Friday, August 29 bedtime
    • She had a few glasses of wine. I cuddled up to her in bed. We made out.
    • "let me buzz first." after she did she had to go pee. I got soft while she was gone. when she got back, she said she just wanted to go to sleep. apologized. said we'd try in the morning.
    • Saturday, August 30 morning
    • I spooned her. "You were pretty horny last night before you buzzed yourself off. Is any of that left this morning?"
    • "Honey, I think I drank too much last night. I just want to sleep in." (I wanted to try again that night, but I'm just doing one per day.)
    • Sunday, August 31 morning
    • I woke up before her. when she started to stir, I snuggle up to her and stroked her butt.
    • "could you get some oil and give me a massage?" I did her back. I made a move, but she asked for more massages first. Kids woke up. I got the kids breakfast. she stayed up and buzzed.
So, at the end of the month, here's the stats. I came 7 times or about once ever 4 days 10 hours. That is pretty good, I think, after 10 years of marriage. She came 6 times (that I know of). That's once every 5 days and 4 hours. We actually had sex just once, but I got to dry hump her very sexy ass 3 times, so really I just jerked myself off twice. She came from the vibrator every time. I can make her come sometimes, but usually the hitachi does it. I think that I probably got off more this month than an average month, but not too much more, maybe one or two above average. I'd say probably the gap is about the same for her.


Monday, September 1 evening
I decided not to try anything because I didn't want to start getting annoying. About a minute or two after I kissed her goodnight, my wife said, "Come over here, I want you to fuck my ass."
I was kind of stunned by the suddenness of it and said, "What?"
She said, "Come here. Oh, maybe I want you in my pussy first, or let me suck you, ok?"
It still felt like I didn't know what was happening. I scooted over toward her, though. "We can do whatever you like, honey," is what I said, or something like that.
She grabbed me with both hands and started rubbing all over me. "Oh, I wish you had 5 cocks and you could fuck both holes and my mouth and I could have one for each hand!"
I just couldn't believe what she was saying. Finally, I pulled back a bit and said, "Honey, what's got into you?"
She smiled, "I think your plan to try get me to fuck you every night has worked and turned me into a nympho." It was more of a smirk than a smile, I realized.
I stammered, "I didn't. That wasn't my plan. When did you..."
She pulled me back toward her and explained, "I realized about a week ago that it must have been some kind of test or something. That's when I started messing with you."
I pushed back a little again to see her face better, "You were messing with me?" I wasn't hurt, just surprised.
"You should have seen your face when I said 'banana fungus'." She was smiling and laughing. It was fun.
"I wasn't trying to turn you into a nympho, you know." I felt embarrassed that I'd kept this from her and that I'd been discovered.
"No, I know. I've been waiting for you to skip a day so I could test you with the nympho act. From the way you reacted tonight I think I have it figured out. You have developed some kind of fetish about getting shot down, right?" She was serious. It had literally never crossed my mind, but I realized I was kind of looking to her denials by the end of the month.
"I don't know. I'm not sure."
"It's ok. You don't have to be embarrassed. Don't forget that I love you. You just keep asking and I'll keep saying 'no'. It'll be easier now that I don't have to feel like I'm depriving you." She hugged me close and kissed my neck. She started to push her hips against mine. I was already hard.
"We can still have sex sometimes, right?" I asked.
"Sometimes, sure. Not right now, though. Go get my vibrator."
6 x
chastity, tease and denial captions
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Re: The Spreadsheet

Post by HubbyNew2It »

That’s hot!!
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Posts: 508
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2014 10:22 am

Re: The Spreadsheet

Post by jfenoffti »

"banana fungus" LMAO!
0 x
Caged and enjoying it.
Tease me, deny me, thrill me! Just do it slowly.
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