Starts and Stops

[fuzzydunlop]

When do others tend to fall off the wagon? Ironically, I have an easier time giving up the wanking when my sex drive is a little higher. When I feel anxious, I use the late night wank to cut the tension. After a certain length of time, it ends up being neither effective nor enjoyable. Diminishing returns, I guess.

As I mentioned in another post, I have had bad insomnia lately, and a hard time cutting through the rut. I went a couple of days of abstaining, then fell off the wagon, and the next thing, I couldn't get to sleep until 4am. I ended up with about 4 nights in a row where I got very poor sleep, and got very, very crabby.

We rarely use a device, so I am mostly on the honor system. To try to beat the rut, I have been religatged to a spare bedroom in a more remote part of the house, at least for a few nights. I am supposed to be on my honor. Part of the thought is that my sleep will be less disrupted there (we have small kids). We also think that maybe I can work on getting my schedule (night owl) more adjusted to hers (morning person). But it is also kind of a more frilly room. It is kind of erotic to be put to be there, but it also makes me feel a little angsty to be in a seperate bedroom. Wife says I can text her and admire her from afar for right now. I suppose I shouldn't worry too much, because our sex life has started to pick up lately, just not during the weeknights. We have discussed a new chastity device. We will see.

[MikeyLikes]

"my schedule (night owl) more adjusted to hers (morning person).".

That's me and my wife as well. For the last few years, because of work, I've had to get up early. As a night owl, I've always found it difficult to get up and go to bed early.

[fuzzydunlop]

Bedtime has majorly stressed me out since having kids several years ago and our differences in schedule have become more of an issue. Having multiple sleep issues adds to it---so being in the "guest" bedroom with very little stimulus other than morning light helps.

[Davarian30]

That is a tough one. Right now my wife and I are easing back into it. The first thing to go was my masturbating. Since that was 80% of my sex life (yes, I am a chronic masturbator), and my biggest stress reliever, it can get iffy. Other than a 3 day run, last week, she is not really denying me orgasm, just limiting it to when I am with her. So, I had orgasms on Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but I am still going through withdrawl.

What seems to be happening is a) I am staying more stressed, without the multiple orgasms a day to relieve it, and b) My overall sex drive seems to diminish, without masturbating, even if having sex and orgasms multiple times a week. It can be high during the play, but not as much in general. But I am not sure if it is a lack of orgasms, a lack of fantasy or a result of being guarded, for those times when I am denied.

I haven't "cheated" yet. I suspect, though, that when/if it happens, if will be because of a need to relieve stress, rather than sate a sexual need.
And, yes, masturbation does seem to yield diminishing returns, as far as pleasure, but it still relieves the stress.

Is there anything else you can do to cut the stress? A workout, perhaps, closer to bed time? I workout pretty heavy, and on those days I am usually too wiped out to be very stressed.
A massage? When my wife rubs/scratches my back and shoulders, I melt!
If you have sleep issues, though, I would stay away from anything that would work you up, without a release, anywhere near bedtime. Assuming that is possible.

[fuzzydunlop]

Thanks. Almost a decade of pregnancy and nursing is winding down, and things have started to pick up. It is hard to be patient and we both have a lot of demands, but I am optimstic. I used to workout a lot and want to pick that back up. It is interesting how tough it can be to communicate. She's quick to assume I want sex and can feel pressure. I like sex and have been having more of it, but I can find low pressure mental games tasty too. I once went almost 50 days on the honor system when she had almost no sex drive. She was mostly just sick and tired with child rather than into the denial, but I loved it and spun it into an exercise regime. Its hard to have the discipline to keep riding that wave.

[fuzzydunlop]

Sometimes you can't underestimate the importance of just being clear in your communications, even if you have been together for a long time, and think you can assume what your spouse believes.

I had to get up the gumption to make it through the first several nights of wank-free sleep on my own, and then told my wife a few days ago that I wanted to take sex off the table for a bit. Rather than taking this as pressure to dominate me somehow, she was very happy that I gave her this cue that I was not going to pressure her for an end result. With a busy family life, Sundays are usually one of our few windows of opportunity for intimacy, but after some hot diddling we mutually agreed that I should try to make it 10 days in a row without an orgasm.

It is now Day 10, and my strong appetite for the Big O is being balanced by crazy, crazy physical energy that is just starting to come into focus. Folks need different things and different times, and I am one of those middle aged guys who follow a pattern of stress, eat my way out of it, wank my way out of it, and hopefully fall asleep. I have had bad insomnia, but I fell asleep around 10pm last night and woke up at 6am which almost never, never happens to me (summer mornings help).

To add to it, my CB-6000 is supposed to come today. I thought about metal, but found a very cheap price I couldn't pass up. I am not sure how long I can ride the wave this time around, but am hesitant to have an orgasm today. I am sure my wife would cave in if I pushed the issue, but am inclined to see if I can make it 2 weeks and see where I am.

[Davarian30]

How did it go? Did you make it to 2 weeks?

[fuzzydunlop]

Thanks for asking. We are on Day 23 of restricting my orgasms. 95% of it has been on the honor system. We had intercourse about 14 days, and I climaxed, which has been my only one in that stretch of time. Last weekend, it was the first time we had intercourse without me reaching climax on purpose. We talked about it ahead of time and mutually agreed upon it. It was one of the most intense erotic experiences I have had, and I have a more detailed description in an entry from Sunday. What I liked the most about it is that she thought it was fun. My wife seems to be buying into the idea that 2 weeks creates a nice rythym, and I think she likes the idea that I have been working hard at it.

[Davarian30]

That is great to hear! Congratulations on the new experience and, especially, the wife having fun.
Looks like you are working on a groove. Keep us updated...

[fuzzydunlop]

We are now on Day 28 of chastity play, which involves two back-to-back 14 day orgasmless streaks for me. I have gone longer than 14 days on only one other occassion as an adult, and that was when my spouse was very pregnant and had almost no sex drive. I went on a huge exercise kick to get through it.

We are both very busy with careers and our family, and we had a little Saturday night alone time last night. After we put the kids to sleep we shared a bottle of wine, and for the second straight week, we had intercourse without me having an orgasm. The communication was good going into it---I reminded her that I hadn't gotten over my 14 day goal, which seems to work for us.

I was a little surprised that: a. the novelty hadn't worn off from last week; and b. she was so assertive that once she had enough, that was all she needed and wanted. She seemed to have no guilt or mixed feelings about it and made it clear that it was time to go to sleep. We are both pushing 40, and after being together since our mid-20's, we seem to be at a place where a lot of couples find their stride with this. I had just a dash of insecurity that I wasn't being "aggressive" enough, but that seemed to fade quickly as we fell asleep. Her confidence and self-assuredness seemed to help me with that.

I got a feeling that my orgasm avoidance streak is going to last a few more days, if not another week, which leaves us in a bit into uncharted territory---we are having much, much more sex than a year ago, and she is much more interested, but I have climaxed only once in the past month now.