locked and forgot?

Living the real life under lock and key
Keptfor Goddess Tina
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locked and forgot?

Post by Keptfor Goddess Tina »

What is the opinion of most KeyHolders and caged men here of being "Locked and Forgot" What I am asking for is this... when the husband/sub is locked, how long do you consider not having any attention whatsoever, T&D, punishments anything... as being locked and forgotten? I am not referring to locked for 60 days and teased or toyed with or punished in the interim. I AM referring to locked, let out for cleaning and Dr.s appointments ect. and otherwise ignored with only the hope or promise of "soon" I do not want to be topping from the bottom but I am feeling at times that I just locked myself for self sacrifice and my keyholder is completely disinterested and neglectful. I want Keyholder opinions too not just men.
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Michele
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by Michele »

I am largely against "set it and forget it" you boys are not a freaking crock pot.

There there may be a select few guys that get off on that... It's truly not something most guys want or can mentally or emotionally handle.

SOME kind of attention is needed... One of our podcasts I did for the ladies about the little things and not doing a set it and forget it thing.
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mrrigid
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by mrrigid »

Keptfor Goddess Tina wrote: Wed Jul 13, 2022 7:41 pm I am feeling at times that I just locked myself for self sacrifice and my keyholder is completely disinterested and neglectful.
This is a risk for any couple where his regular orgasms are no longer her 'job'. Particularly as the real world has a way of putting item after item at the top of her list!

Assuming your relationship is otherwise good, she's not necessarily disinterested and neglectful, probably just stressed. Ideally, your continued acts of pampering and service will reduce that stress and make her more playful. But either way, she's certainly aware of the situation.

It may prove beneficial to plan a mini-vacation or away time. If you follow my thread, you can see that it has worked for us!

How long is too long? That depends on what you're used to, your ages, and whatever real-world issues you're dealing with. It's certainly not topping if, at some point, you want to have a discussion, but go with the pampering and vacations first!
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Lockedchef
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by Lockedchef »

I'm usually locked and waiting. Typically when I get locked up it will be for a week or two at a time but while I'm locked she almost never mentions the cage or teases me. Eventually I'll get unlocked for sex and I might stay unlocked for a few weeks and we sex several times in a few days or I might relock the next morning for another couple weeks it just depends what we have going on. She didn't feel pressured as a keyholder and I'm happily waiting until she wants me out.

We've had our ups and downs over the years but we've find a rhythm that works for our sex life that incorporates me being locked up about half the time
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TinaHoldsTheKey
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by TinaHoldsTheKey »

I totally agree with Lady M…
Locked and forgotten is something most guys can’t handle. Men need “attention” (more often than not) to keep their “drive” alive.
There would be a point of “diminishing return” if just left alone.
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nosaint
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by nosaint »

It's going to vary for every couple, but if you're unhappy that's an issue. For us, for the last 30 years or so, we have sex once a week, same day same time + or - one hour. whether we want to or not. This drove me crazy in my mid 30's, but in my mid 60's I appear to be better off than many similarly aged men. If we miss our regular romp, forget it, there are no makeup dates, just wait until next week.
So yes, I can get upset when she goes to visit our daughter and isn't back by Sunday afternoon. Too many missed Sunday's and I get really grouchy. (50% missed Sunday's for two months did NOT make me happy)
During the week, I flirt with her almost daily. I'll grab her butt or cop a feel, but she doesn't say or initiate anything. After I read your post, she came in and bent over to pick something up, as an experiment (for science!) I decided to grab her hips and bump up against her. All I got was a bantering "is that all you ever think about?" That's fairly typical, she wasn't mad or insulted, but it wasn't going to lead to anything either.

It has to work for both of you, it's a stereotype, but I think it's true that men in general are more interested in sex than women. It may be that you've given her the ability to have the exact amount of sex that she want's. I think you need to work on your communication. If you're unhappy, this isn't going to work long term. I think for a long time, my wife equated sex with male orgasm, It took me a long time to convince her that we could have sex with me locked up and that I still enjoyed/craved that.
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by TwistedMister »

Lady M wrote: Wed Jul 13, 2022 9:23 pm I am largely against "set it and forget it" you boys are not a freaking crock pot.

There there may be a select few guys that get off on that... It's truly not something most guys want or can mentally or emotionally handle.

SOME kind of attention is needed... One of our podcasts I did for the ladies about the little things and not doing a set it and forget it thing.
I would have to agree with this. Even small inputs, a word here, a touch there, can have great effect. It lets him know that you know he's locked and that's the way you want it, it helps to keep his mind on the idea that you are in control and you like it that way. It doesn't have to be constant, or even often, his mind and the sensation of the device will take care of the rest.

Other low-effort things the keyholder can do, even just for her own amusement, such as dressing a little more provocatively or a bit of verbal teasing can amplify the effect. I know that when I am locked, even her just asking me to get her a cup of coffee can cause me to swell a bit because there is a background idea that if I don't comply it might have an effect on when and how I get my next orgasm, or even just a little bit of more active attention. Her asking me to rub her feet results in full-blown arousal because the act of touching and providing relief/comfort/pleasure is sexualised, even if she isn't actively doing anything 'sexy', just receiving the benefit of the action...of course, it's even better if she recognizes the effect and comments on it.

If I were in Keptfor's position, I think it would not be long before I became discouraged and started wondering "Why am I doing this?" I can't tell if his KH doesn't understand the dynamic, or is simply indifferent/disinterested.
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shyguy
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by shyguy »

My keyholder is completely disinterested in me being locked because she has an extremely low libido. When I was locked for weeks I got zero attention which is the same as when I'm unlocked and it sucks. Yes, I felt the same - I didn't want to top from the bottom so I mostly said nothing and just became more resentful.

I would suggest your keyholder has no desire to participate and that's why you feel forgotten.
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by WifeIsVanilla »

I have a purely vanilla wife who wants nothing to do with my interest in chastity. I am in it mostly because it feels good, really, really good.
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Mr Pickle
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Re: locked and forgot?

Post by Mr Pickle »

WifeIsVanilla wrote: Mon Jul 18, 2022 7:46 pm I have a purely vanilla wife who wants nothing to do with my interest in chastity. I am in it mostly because it feels good, really, really good.

Also shyguy has a similar situation.

I think most of us start in this way. It had to be a year, maybe two before C took is as a necessary thing for us.
A year for her to belive the difference in behavior was real and not an act, another for her to work out how to take advantage of it.
Coming up to three years now and what started as my kink and my way to get something out of this has become very much about what C wants out of it.
Some would say I'm used and taken advantage of. I say I'm managed in a much better way and the improvement to quality of life speaks for itself.
I have a mountain of respect for C for doing this.
C still thinks wearing a cage is odd or weird as in "they don't sell them in asda so they ain't normal". But when asked if I should give it up? "Hell No. It isn't up to you any more. "
Things progress slowly. Very slowly.
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Me. "I only got 30 seconds, that's not fair". C. "life's not fair, suck it up" :(
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