Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Living the real life under lock and key
ChastityAB
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2022 3:39 pm

Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by ChastityAB »

Me and my wife are new to the chastity lifestyle.

I have long been interested in enforced chastity and have been slowly coaxing my wife into embracing it as it is one of my sexual kinks.

We have now entered into an enforced chastity relationship and have been proceeding with this for the last 2 months.

My current longest lockup is 9 days and my wife feels bad about denying me even though I have explained its what I want.

She has begun to embrace the lifestyle more and does enjoy me being locked and knowing she had that control but she also feels bad if I don't get to orgasm regularly.

Any advice on how to help smooth her transition to this lifestyle which she has said she does want but is scared of.
1 x
ChasteCouple82
Posts: 30
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2022 1:07 pm

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by ChasteCouple82 »

Give it time, and don’t push it with her.

Look at how long you’ve been together and how often you’ve had sex before chastity. What was the ratio of you getting off to her? My guess is you probably had two or more orgasms to hers.

Tell her you want to make up for it as part of being locked up. Write it in a napkin that for the next number of months she’ll have x number of orgasms before you get one. Turn it into a game that she controls. If she doesn’t want to feel bad for you going without, then she just needs to get off more times and quickly 😉.

Explain how good it feels when you’ve gone 7 - 10 days without getting off and that you want to extend that feeling (she’d be doing you a favor).

The longer it goes, the more she’s likely to get more comfortable with it.

Don’t push it.
4 x
TwistedMister
Posts: 3684
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:49 pm
Location: Northern New England
Last orgasm: October 21st, 2020
Orgasms this year: 4
Gender:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by TwistedMister »

ChastityAB wrote: Sat Apr 09, 2022 4:22 am
She has begun to embrace the lifestyle more and does enjoy me being locked and knowing she had that control but she also feels bad if I don't get to orgasm regularly.
Are your orgasms not better, more 'intense' when you have held off for a while?

Ask her for her assistance, in seeing just how good they can get by gradually extending the time in between. Explain to her, that you enjoy the feeling of [the not yet satisfied] arousal, like extended foreplay, and the anticipation of when it will eventually be satisfied.
0 x
04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
User avatar
Michele
Posts: 2456
Joined: Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:09 pm
Location: Central Texas USA
Gender:
Contact:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by Michele »

I'll chime in as a Keyholder... Communication and time are huge right now. She is going to need to see, hear and feel how much you love being locked up and denied (personally I prefer orgasm control over denial because it's not just about denial for us I control when and how, etc). It took me a while to get more and more comfortable denying my hubby. It's not something that comes easy to us keyholders because we are made to understand that's part of life.

The more she starts to feel your excitement and hear how much you're enjoying focusing on her and pleasing her because you don't have to worry about cumming the more she will deny you. Please understand this is something you've probably spent much much time thinking and fantasizing about and she has not. It will come in steps and count yourself as one of the lucky ones that has a partner who is doing this with you. She is trying but don't expect her to go from 0-100 in a short time... She's not a sports car.

Building slowly, communication, time and listening to her are what is about. You have given her control of she only wants you denied 9 days so be it. Maybe that's all SHE can handle right now. I certainly did not go from no denial to a year right away... It was days, then weeks, months and then a year. There were always back steps too because it went by what I could handle as well.

Anyway, hope that helps.
6 x
Wife & KH to cagedmonkey 🐒
Girlfriend/KH/Owner of Atone ☘️
Boys are Wearing: Jail Bird (cm) Steelheart (a)
Owned Devices: MM Jail Bird (x2), MM Spyder, MM Locking Double Cockring, Steelworxx Revenge
Click here for Our blog & Podcast
Spchaste
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2022 2:08 am
Gender:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by Spchaste »

Hi,

My wife had also the same feelings about keeping me caged and denying orgasms, she liked a lot to be in control but she usually felt bad if she didn't made me cum at least once a week.
The answer to that is just give her time, make her realize that it's what you want, that you prefer to be without orgasms weeks, even months, than having them weekly. It's only a matter of time, you had a regular sex relationship and although you had that chastity kink and knew what you specifically wanted, she has to "learn" it, so as some had said just give her time, don't push too much, she'll eventually accept that it's ok, that you're happy with that little pleasure times and will willingly deny you hehe
Simply show her how much you like to focus on her pleasure and she will become aware that you put over everything else her happiness.

In our case it took my wife almost a year to fully embrace that role and now she enjoys a lot to cancel, postpone or ruin some of my orgasms, something that before she was horrified to do. It's great to see your KH development in such matter and how much she will like it, believe me, worth of the wait.

Good luck!
2 x
ChastityAB
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2022 3:39 pm

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by ChastityAB »

Thank you everyone for your support.

I am sure that it will become easier for her over time. As you all have said I have fantasised about this for a long time and am wishing it to move forward.

Im hoping to reach a nice balance of around one orgasm per month but obvoisly my KH will have final say as she builds experience.
1 x
Steve2059
Posts: 232
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2017 5:37 pm
Location: England
Gender:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by Steve2059 »

Lots of good advice here. Yes, time. Let her move at her own pace.
1 x
User avatar
sirmebane
Posts: 633
Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:48 pm
Last orgasm: December 19th, 2021
Orgasms this year: 0

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by sirmebane »

All good advice you're getting here. Communicate. Be patient. Let her be in charge. If she tells you to cum, you greedily ejaculate as told.

I always tell my wife that I'm ready whenever she wants to let me out but when she asks if NEED to be released I simply explain that is her decision. She has slowly, slowly, slowly begun to control my orgasms without feeling bad about it. Now she simply nods when I tell her I'd like to come out and play, "I know that. You're always ready. It's not time yet."

Be careful what you wish for.
1 x
If my comments don't annoy you, follow my exploits here. I started all of this April 2016.
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=62123
TwistedMister
Posts: 3684
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:49 pm
Location: Northern New England
Last orgasm: October 21st, 2020
Orgasms this year: 4
Gender:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by TwistedMister »

My wife didn't have any trouble denying me, right from the start. The first time was for a month, and it just grew from there until it sometimes could be as much as three months, with a 'ruin' and right back in. Then she discovered that she could give me 'ruins' while I was still caged, she didn't have to let me out at all. There have been a couple of times where I haven't gotten out at all for as much as nine months, with only caged ruins every third month, and one time she made me go most of a year with only three caged ruins and one fantastic full orgasm while still caged...and I don't remember how long it was until she let me out after that. I don't think I can describe how desperately I wanted it out, just to be able to feel it being touched and rubbed, at times during those long-term lock-ups.
4 x
04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
User avatar
Mr Pickle
Posts: 586
Joined: Sat Nov 16, 2019 4:58 am
Gender:

Re: Keyholder feels bad. Looking for Advice

Post by Mr Pickle »

My wife didn't 'get it' because it wasn't normal. But eventually figured I must be getting something out of it even if I didn't come?
Time, that seems to be the key. It took C maybe two years before she became comfortable with the whole thing, by which point what was normal had completely changed. I remember C saying "I prefer normal sex. Where I come and you stay locked". That kind of made me realise things really had changed.
It kinda just happens if you let it.
4 x
Me. "I only got 30 seconds, that's not fair". C. "life's not fair, suck it up" :(
Post Reply