Advice, my story so far and blue balls

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Bananaman
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Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by Bananaman »

Hi everyone. First post! (other than the 'hello world' one of course).

I'm just starting out on this journey and would love some advice if you'd be so kind. I'm male, mid 30s, married, have always been submissive in the bedroom. Wife a reluctant dominant. Have toys such as a strap on, holy trainer as a bit of fun, but our sex life had fizzled out - hard to get her interested. Sex a couple of times a month was an achievement - generally life getting in the way and being tired at the end of the day.

I had been suggesting for a while that I could give her oral, and she wouldn't need to make me cum in return. She was reluctant, felt guilty and TBH I was weak and after going down would just beg her to let me cum and she'd agree. But I decided to change that - I'd not ask to cum, but I would ask her every evening whether I could give her oral. After just a couple of sessions, she suddenly saw the benefits!

I went further, shared an online book with her about the keyholder lifestyle and - this is where the 'be careful what you wish for' saying rings true. All guilt about not making me cum has gone. She says 'well if this is what you want' she will gladly let me make her cum, and then tell me to go to sleep. She really gets off on seeing me horny, but leaving me that way. A switch must have flipped! It's v early days - literally 3 weeks in, but she's enjoying oral sex every couple of days, and we're closer, kiss more and generally more affectionate. This morning at breakfast she said 'I'm really enjoying this' - both the reset of our relationship and the orgasms on tap. She's begun to expect that she'll be pleasured each night and of course I am loving it!

What I didn't expect is how much she would get into the denial aspect. I used to cum about 3-4 times a week. I'm currently about 10 days without cumming and she says I'll need to wait another 3 days, maybe another week. She's already talking about how she doesn't want my attentiveness to change after I cum (she read about that in the book I sent her) - and how next time perhaps she'll push for 3 weeks, then 4 weeks. I know I'm extremely lucky - she took to this as soon as she realised the benefits while many men have such trouble persuading their partner.

My challenge is while mentally I can now play with her and tell her that I don't want to cum - I'll cum when she deems it necessary, physically I have a challenge. I have a device that I only wear for short stints - like an hour or so, so that's not the issue. But because I'm not cumming I have pain in my balls. My right ball in particular if I get aroused and don't ejaculate for a period, will become swollen and a bit lumpy. This has happened in the past when I've tried going a few days without ejaculating. It's not a medical / cancer scare thing. If I cum, after a short while it's back to normal. No lumps. But this - what I can only presume is build up - is v uncomfortable. It's a throbbing, can wake me up at night.

Has anyone else experienced this? I've searched online but found nothing - and I know 'blue balls' is said to be a myth. It could be transitional and my body will get used to it, but it's not pleasant right now and I don't really want to spook her, when she's really on a roll. I could say that she should let me cum weekly but that just ruins the dynamic - I really wasn't expecting her to suggest she wants to see me go a month without, but I don't want to discourage her now.

Advice appreciated. Many thanks
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TwistedMister
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by TwistedMister »

Bananaman wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 9:17 am But because I'm not cumming I have pain in my balls. My right ball in particular if I get aroused and don't ejaculate for a period, will become swollen and a bit lumpy. This has happened in the past when I've tried going a few days without ejaculating. It's not a medical / cancer scare thing. If I cum, after a short while it's back to normal. No lumps. But this - what I can only presume is build up - is v uncomfortable. It's a throbbing, can wake me up at night.

Has anyone else experienced this? I've searched online but found nothing - and I know 'blue balls' is said to be a myth. It could be transitional and my body will get used to it, but it's not pleasant right now and I don't really want to spook her, when she's really on a roll. I could say that she should let me cum weekly but that just ruins the dynamic - I really wasn't expecting her to suggest she wants to see me go a month without, but I don't want to discourage her now.

Advice appreciated. Many thanks
Semen is stored in the prostate, not the testicles. Not ejaculating should not cause balls to get 'lumpy', either you need a better description or you need to see a Doctor.

'Blue balls' is not quite a myth. Your balls may not actually turn blue, but arousal without orgasm/ejaculation *can* result in discomfort. At some times, for some guys, this discomfort can be significant, even somewhat painful. However, the discomfort usually fades away on its own after some period of time, without orgasm/ejaculation. There are some exercises that can be done to aid in hastening relief.
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04/07/19 "And then I 'punished' you by making you lick my pussy after I let my other 'boy' fuck me." --Mrs. Twisted
sherulestherooster
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by sherulestherooster »

Post vasectomy I experienced some bona fide pain that was relieved upon ejaculation. My PCP actually wrote me a script for more orgasms.

If I was playing with my domme, maybe cunnilingus or vibrator use for her orgasm and she said, ok it’s time for bed now - I wouldn’t get much blue ball pain. If she edged me after her orgasm, lots of tease and denial play and I was 90% there for an orgasm, I’d typically get some blue ball pain - especially if it was several sessions in a row. It’s real. I think it may get better as you become used to infrequent orgasms, hard to say.

You may want to experiment with ruined orgasms - she can stroke you and right before the point of no return, stop the stimulation and you will kinda dribble out. The advantage to RO’s is that you don’t get the sub-drop from a full orgasm but you do get some tension released. It’s also a serious mind f*ck to the denied male.

The lumps are concerning though - is check that out.
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cshorts
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by cshorts »

When my balls get really swollen they can feel a bit “lumpy” because the veins are swollen near the surface — maybe that’s all you’re experiencing?

It seems like many (most?) of us experience various discomforts early in our chastity lives — particularly blue balls or painful dicks trying to get erect inside cage bars. And most of us report that it settles down after a while - we get used to it, or it simply doesn’t get painful as much. I’ve been 24x7 for ever three years now (and I’m 62 so raging boners every 15 minutes isn’t an issue anymore :). During a serious tease / edging session my balls get really swollen and blue or purple, and they can be quite tender … but I’m used to it, and it’s now part of the pain that goes with pleasure for a BDSM submissive like me (that is, when I started it was just unpleasant pain, but now it’s part of the scene for me and I relish it like I do a good ass whipping). So, your body may adapt, and so may your mind.
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williebdenied
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by williebdenied »

sherulestherooster wrote: Fri Feb 04, 2022 1:24 pmMy PCP actually wrote me a script for more orgasms.
okay, what?
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No key holder, but trying for no orgasms in 2022 (...didn't make it, so far 2).
sherulestherooster
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by sherulestherooster »

Primary Care Physician… he was a funny guy.
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Naljeans
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by Naljeans »

I’m not a doctor but teasing without release leads to swollen balls. I have years of evidence - any time my cage has gotten off but I haven’t, it’s extraordinarily difficult to get the base ring back on. Lumps and whatnot seem to be a medical concern.

Generally you’ll find over time your body adjusts to not releasing as often. Your brain may as well, which can lead to longer times of not releasing, if your key holder picks up on that. Enjoy…or not.
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Critter228
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by Critter228 »

The pain of blue balls is real but I feel it in my abdomen. Any real lumps that weren’t there before might be worth checking out with a doctor. But things do get swollen.
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Bananaman
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by Bananaman »

Thanks for all the advice on this. After I wrote this, I was made to wait a few more days til release. I found the pain wasn’t really in my balls - it was behind them. And also grew to be uncomfortable in my abdomen as someone pointed out. So perhaps that was a build up in my prostate or something?

After I ejaculated the pain subsided after a couple of hours and I’ve been fine since. The lumps I think may just be swollen veins (again, disappeared after cumming). It’s not something I’d really get checked out because I know the solution is just to ejaculate - and I’m sure a doctor would just suggest I do that!

It’s early days - will see how it goes for this next period of abstinence. Thanks
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Bananaman
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Re: Advice, my story so far and blue balls

Post by Bananaman »

Following up my original story: any discomfort from long periods without cumming has gone away. I can now be forced to wait 3 weeks without cumming and while I’m v horny, I don’t get any actual discomfort anymore. My body must have adjusted.

I’m generally made to wait at least 2 weeks and she says she wants to make it monthly
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