Just not into it?

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Just not into it?

Post by williebdenied »

Has anyone taking the leap of faith and presented chastity to their partner, and the end result was that they just weren't into it? What did you do? Did you drop the subject and give up? Lock yourself when they weren't around? Keep bringing it up until they caved?

There are many stories here about the lucky ones who's partner takes an active interest in their torment, but I am wondering about those who haven't had such luck. It seems to me that the percentage of people who will take an active role their partner's chastity wishes is probably pretty small. Extremely small maybe.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by nosaint »

Well I think you're right, the percentage of women who jump on this is small. Mine didn't. So what did I do? Gave it all up for years, tried to introduce other kink, FLR, didn't really fit either of us, mostly did occasional "kink" activities by myself. She found out (20 years later, yes years) and by happenstance, chastity came up again. She still isn't as enthusiastic as I'd like, but after I've been uncaged for awhile, she does manage to say "we need to lock you up" So that's progress. Often she appears to enjoy denying me for longer periods and has managed to convince me that she really does enjoy the Vixskin. But after all of that, I still think her default position would be "normal". So we go on, neither is leaving and we try to find accommodations for each other.

Just for background, I was interested in chastity in the 90's. I even posted on Altairboy's site 8-) We've been trying chastity again for the last ten months...
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by TwistedMister »

When we first started, we'd go in 'spurts'- play for a month and then nothing for a long time. Over 20+ years lockups increased [gradually] to about 18 months at a time. I 'nudged' her occasionally, once I gave her a 'Certificate' that conveyed the power to lock me up whenever she wanted, revocable only under certain particular circumstances of which I have forgotten the details...with a penalty if I get the details wrong and try to revoke it at the wrong time, so it's basically permanent at this point.

I've been unlocked for a while right now, but over the past 10 years she has developed certain fantasies, which I have encouraged. She's been talking/dreaming about them more lately and I have given further encouragement in 'notes' I have left for her, some of them are to the point of daring/goading her to 'make her dreams come true', along with some 'extensions' to the 'certificate' which give her the power to do almost anything she wants. Things could get very interesting if/when she decides to 'go for it'.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by GoodOlBoy »

I introduced my wife to chastity around 15 years ago. She's really never been into it, but does humor me. I believe she thinks I may have a screw loose or something lol.

Found an App (ChastiKey) that is based on giving a keyholder control of a timer or cards that add time to a lockup. Tried that with a few of their bots and really enjoyed it. Installed it on my wifes phone and talked to her about it, but it just wasn't something she was into or enjoyed. Ultimately used a real keyholder from the apps forums and now the Discord community. My wife is aware that I am an active member of that community, but it just isn't her thing. Of course the keyholder knows the home situation as well. My wife does play along and humors me with it and now whether caged or not she gets many Os to my one. I tell her that sometimes I want her so bad I can taste it.

Prior to finding the app I just kind of did it alone (with her knowledge). We have a fantastic relationship and sex has never been better, even if I don't O all that often now.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by WifeIsVanilla »

My Vanilla Wife will not play so I have been self locking for 9 years.

I bought a "Kitchen Safe." It has a timer lock and has provided me with enough fun to have been much more than worth its cost. I get a thrill every time after I set it and push the button. It counts down from 5 seconds and then the tabs lock, and I am committed for whatever time I have set it for up to 10 days.

If, at any point, you take the batteries out, it remains locked. When you put the batteries back in, it picks up where it left off at the moment when the batteries were removed. So, if you set it for 10 days and immediately pull the batteries, you have to wait 10 days after putting the batteries back in before it opens.

The most excitement I had because of the Kitchen Safe was when I was about to give Vanilla Wife a "Good Morning Orgasm." (See my Journey if you are interested in the details.)

VW said, "Let's take care of you too."
I said, "Not possible."
VW - "Why not?" (My Jail Bird suddenly became very tight!)
Me - "Um, I have one of my chastity devices on."
VW - "Take it off." (Even tighter!!)
Me, "Uh, I can't."
VW - "What!? Why not!???" (Maximum morning wood tight!!!)
Me - "The keys are locked in the timer safe."
VW - "Inaudible grumbling."

Fortunately, she wasn't annoyed enough to call off the Good Morning Orgasm. Maybe it was my imagination, but her orgasm did seem a bit more prolonged and intense than usual.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by sirmebane »

That is the danger of playing without her participation (or consent) since if you make the keys unavailable to yourself, you can always make yourself unavailable to service her needs. It is a precarious line to walk when you want to be locked and denied but she has no interest in holding the key.

Is it a selfish thing to do to care for your own denial fantasies by yourself? Maybe not if you take care of her needs, but so much that can go wrong there.

My own wife would gladly end chastity (and all of my power game ideas) for a more mundane sex life but she knows it is on my mind and I get sullen when I'm not offered the freedom to experiment. She has become more of a 'player' when I ask her assume a role but her own confidence is easily shattered if I go too far which is often.

We talk. She objects. I offer something else as an alternative. We compromise. Feels a lot like being married.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by WifeIsVanilla »

sirmebane - It's complicated, so this won't completely or properly explain it, but she is well aware that I have one of my devices on most of the time. She just doesn't want anything to do with it. Her lack of interest comes from her long ago southern upbringing and deep seated feelings about the traditional roles of husbands and wives, including having difficulty being provided with an orgasm and not giving one in return.

Also, I guess I am a bit unusual compared to most of the members here. For me. it's not about prolonged denial. I love my orgasms and have one or two a week, and I am 71. It's really about wearing a chastity device being like extended foreplay because it feels so, so good. I suspect that, if I had a keyholder who enforced long term denial, it would push another serious button for me, but I am not likely to ever experience that.
Last edited by WifeIsVanilla on Fri Feb 05, 2021 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by imwings »

For me, I struggle with answering the question, "Is it enough?" My wife is my key holder. She has one of the key safes that real estate agents use with the four combination wheels. I'm pierced and my chastity always includes a PA attachment of some sorts, so there's no escaping it. She's happy to be my keyholder because she knows masturbation is impossible. But that seems to be the extent of her interest. Preventing me from playing with myself. She will let me out when she wants to have sex, but other than that, there's no discussion about chastity. There's no teasing. no dirty talk. No mention of it. I would love for her to be "into it" like I am, but she's just not. I ask myself frequently- is it enough? I don't know. What about everyone else- Would it be enough for you?
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by Cagedfarmer »

I'm dealing with this at the moment. I first brought up the idea of chastity about two years ago. She wasn't keen, but not against it, so I bought my first device.
The first time time she saw it on me, she declared that she wanted nothing to do with it so that was that.
Fast forward to beginning of this year and I decided I would bring the subject up again. I took a bit more time to explain what appealed to me so much about it and why I wanted to try and although she doesn't really want to play as such, she has at least agreed to be my keyholer now and does occasionally verbally tease me about being locked.
I don't think it's for everyone at all.
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Re: Just not into it?

Post by DeepBlue »

When I first showed my wife the chastity device I'd bought, she wasn't impressed to say the least but she went along with it because it was something I wanted to try. We've only dabbled with it occasionally over the years and any request from me to wear it was usually met with a bit of eye rolling but she would take the key.

I think in our case, there were a few things she didn't like about me wearing a chastity device:
  1. The look of the device (I had a CB3000)
  2. Worries about it causing damage
  3. Annoyance that the penis wasn't easily available to her for looking at or touching
  4. A dislike of having the responsibility of deciding how long to keep it locked
  5. She doesn't particularly want power or control over me
Gradually, I've been trying to address these issues. I bought a metal device, which she definitely prefers the look of, and has even referred to it as more like jewelry. Also, the more I've worn it, the more confident she has become that it's not causing any damage or physical harm.

She still expresses annoyance at times with it but from the start of this year, I suggested trying a 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off strategy for a few months. This is a compromise so that I get a couple of weeks in chastity, then she has a couple of weeks with me back to normal. If she wants access to my locked cock, she can unlock me anytime with the proviso that I get locked again afterwards.

This new plan has also addressed her dislike of responsibility. She no longer has to decide when I get released as my release day is always exactly 2 weeks from the start of chastity. She definitely seems more relaxed about the whole thing at the moment. I'm just getting to the end of my second 2 week stint and she hasn't unlocked me once in either stint, which has been good. About a week ago, she said it would be nice to see my unlocked cock and to see it spurt, but she couldn't be bothered going to get the key!

There's not much I can do about her not really wanting power or control over me. However, the impression I get from reading other posts on this forum is that a lot of wives eventually find some benefits for themselves, whether it's preventing masturbation, making husbands more attentive, etc. I'm hoping the more I wear it, the more she's going to get used to it and actually find something that she gets out of it too.
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