New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

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Keyholder_V
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New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Keyholder_V »

Hello everyone,

I have come here in the hope of receiving some advice regarding a situation I found myself in last weekend.

I have had a guy as a tenant renting my spare bedroom for about 22 months now. He is a few years younger than me and responded to my advert shortly after things went south with a previous relationship and he needed somewhere to stay within short-commuting distance from his place of work. Everything has been very straightforward with him keeping himself mostly to himself although he does enjoy a chat in the evenings after work. Pretty much the ideal tenant. Of course, with the pandemic we were both forced to work from home as we both have "desk jobs" and we're able and lucky enough not to be furloughed, so we have spent a lot more time in each other's company despite him shutting himself in his room to work.
Last weekend we were talking during dinner and I decided to open up the subject of his ex. I then spent the next couple of hours listening to a very strange (alternative?) lifestyle story. Skipping all of the relationship details and getting on track for my question, he told me that his ex had kept him in chastity for most of their relationship (we're talking a number of years) and he had found that he struggled to be without his "cage" since the break-up. I asked him why and he said that he enjoys the feeling of being submissive and controlled and that the cage made him feel “secure”, and that he had kept wearing it as a way for him to keep on living a lifestyle he enjoyed, but he struggled with temptation since he had the keys and could let himself out whenever the mood took him.

This is where it got "interesting" - he asked if I would do him a favour and keep the keys hidden from him and only give them to him according to an agreed schedule. First I asked to see proof of the cage, and he showed me. I guess I count myself as a consenting adult in this situation - it turns out it's metal and hooks him through a piercing. It looks serious. I asked him what he expected of me besides hiding some keys, and he said that he normally removed it once a week for supervised washing and sexy play, but I told him that this wasn't something I would be doing as it is a step too far for me, open-minded as I am. As a compromise, I told him he could have the key for an agreed amount of time once a week and I could always inspect if I didn't trust him, after all this is his game and I don't mind just looking. He seemed happy with this and just handed me the keys there and then. The conversation then went in another direction entirely and the rest of the evening went without even a mention of chastity.

Since last weekend I have been searching the internet for information on his lifestyle and honestly I'm shocked with what I've found, I had no idea that this was a real "thing". It seems I have taken the role of a non-involved "keyholder". Honestly, I do find the subject exciting the more I read into it, and I can imagine doing something like this in a relationship to "spice things up in the bedroom", but is it really normal for men to get women they are not in a relationship with to be "keyholders" for them in real life? What I have seen and read certainly seems to suggest that more will be expected from me in the near future, and although he's a lovely guy, I'm simply not in a relationship with him and not interested in dating in general at the moment (long story).

If you've stayed with me until now, many thanks and here, at last, are my questions to the knowledgeable community;

Is it really normal to be a "non-involved keyholder" - do men really ask for this and does it really work out?

If it is a real thing, is it to be expected that he will want more and more, and if so does anyone have any suggestions of the kind of boundaries I could employ?

Lastly, the cage he has seems quite open with a lot of ventilation - surely it isn't so hard to keep it clean? My only question would be about his piercing - is it essential to remove the cage to clean it, and is once a week enough or excessive? The reason I ask is that I would be interested to minimise my involvement at the moment and if I can say, for example, reduce it to once every two weeks or once a month (can guys really go that long without touching themselves?) then the more comfortable I will feel.

Thanks in advance for any responses, I feel like this is a new world for me and something I've been pulled into, although not totally unwillingly.
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Schnoff »

Approved with reservations. While people do all kinds of stuff, this does have the hallmarks of fiction. We love a good yarn and have a fiction section just for that.
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Keyholder_V »

Thanks for the approval. Unfortunately not fiction and am looking for some responses before this weekend. Hoping I haven't got myself into an awkward situation - he's been a good tennant so far and I'm hoping this doesn't set me on the path to having to finding a new one.
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Tom Allen »

Non involved key holders are a thing, although it is definitely not common. They range from friends simply "hanging onto a key" without knowing anything about it, to situations not unlike your own in which a frie dnor acquaintance holds a key, and will have some small knowledge or involvement.

Does his release need to be weekly? Hard to say. My cage is more of a tube, and I'm able to keep it clean with daily showers and a tiny brush. Other men report a need to remove theirs more frequently. Presumably, he has a routine and knows what he needs to do.

You can limit your involvement by giving him the key when he asks, or by doing so only on agreed upon days. You could, if you wanted a little more involvement, give him a time limit with the key.

It sounds like you're approaching it with an open mind and level head. Please feel free to ask questions here. We've set up this group as a place for adults to discuss "enforced" chastity or denial as if they are chatting over coffee. There won't be anybody bothering you for weird stuff. Well... except the admins. They're a weird bunch.
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by gungadn »

This is probably not the best forum for your question. Specifically the reason this is my favorite forum is it is comprised mostly of consenting adults in relationships. But, that is not the situation you find yourself in....

*** All of the below is my personal opinion from just some guy on the internet ***

Uninvolved keyholders are probably more common than those that are in a committed relationship. If you read books by Mistress Ivy or Lucy Fairbourne, they actually recommend exactly this situation for guys without keyholders. They tell guys to approach female friends to just "hold the key". Many unattached men that desire to be locked look to the internet to find remote or online keyholders. There is even a huge industry for online websites and phone apps to "hold the key". You are no more involved than an app on a phone. But, a real in person keyholder, no matter how uninvolved they are, is infinitely preferable to a phone app.

You hold the key. Your involvement can be limited to exactly what you are comfortable with. It can be nothing more than you hand him the key per agreement. He does what he needs to do. And he hands it back. If he needs to wash/inspect/clean once a week, you dont have to be involved in that if you dont want beyond providing him the key. Although, in my experience, he knows what is going on. And, shouldnt need to be released once a week just to inspect. I have a PA piercing as well and will go months without removing the device. If he does have an issue, he can always talk to you about it and request the key.
And, it does not have to grow into any more than that if you are not comfortable with it. If he pressures you for more than you are comfortable with, you return the key and tell him you are unwilling to participate anymore.

** Just my 2 cents on the subject **
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by gungadn »

Keyholder_V wrote: Thu Dec 31, 2020 1:44 pm Since last weekend I have been searching the internet for information on his lifestyle and honestly I'm shocked with what I've found, I had no idea that this was a real "thing".
One note: keep in mind. Most of what you read on the internet is fictional fantasy written by horny men. This forum is probably the best resource that is grounded in some reality....
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GungaDN

This is just my experience, yours can.... and probably will.... vary!

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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Tom Allen »

One note: keep in mind. Most of what you read on the internet is fictional fantasy written by horny men.
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Keyholder_V
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by Keyholder_V »

Thanks for the replies, guys. I'm glad to hear that I'm on previously trodden ground, even if is sometimes a paid-for service (have I missed a trick there? Lol).

@GungaDN you say you have it on for months at a time? I guess I don't have to worry that I'm putting him in danger. It's true that he probably knows what he's doing since he's done this before.

Just so I don't get caught out with acronyms, is "PA" just "Prince Albert" and not some technical term besides that?
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by nosaint »

I'd worry more about his submissive side, what exactly does that entail? It covers a large territory, from whips and chains to service to cross dressing and other various fetishes. Whips and chains is easy, just say no (I assume that would be your response) It's the service where it gets tricky for me. Cleaning the general area, I'm good with it, doing it in a dress? Hmmm. Although cross dressing may very well not be his thing. Foot Rubs? That can be non sexual, at least as far as you're concerned. But I'll confess, I can get turned on by my wife totally ignoring me as I massage her feet. Just establish what your boundaries are and stick to them. I know I pushed my wife's boundaries, but this is a different situation.
If he really pesters you about something, this is one time I'm in favor of giving him back the key.
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Re: New to this - Keyholding for a tenant.

Post by TwistedMister »

As GungaDN notes, there are actually *some* guys who *pay* complete strangers to hold the keys for them.

You can be as involved or uninvolved as you want, it's all up to you. You are in control- he can't force you to hold the keys for him.
If it is a real thing, is it to be expected that he will want more and more, and if so does anyone have any suggestions of the kind of boundaries I could employ?
I don't think it's necessarily 'expected', it's possible that he might want 'more' but that doesn't mean you have to give it to him. *You* are in control and you make the rules and set the boundaries. He has to be content with whatever you are willing to do, and if he pushes you for more, all you have to do is give the keys back and tell him you're done...if that's how you want to handle it.
Lastly, the cage he has seems quite open with a lot of ventilation - surely it isn't so hard to keep it clean? My only question would be about his piercing - is it essential to remove the cage to clean it, and is once a week enough or excessive? The reason I ask is that I would be interested to minimise my involvement at the moment and if I can say, for example, reduce it to once every two weeks or once a month (can guys really go that long without touching themselves?) then the more comfortable I will feel.
My wife sometimes doesn't let me out for two or three months at a time, and it has occasionally been as long as six months without being let out at all. Yes, it is possible to go that long...though I think it may be more difficult for younger guys- I'm pretty sure that if I were still in my twenties I might have a harder time with it. I think it kind of gets easier as we get older.

You'll have to talk to him about 'minimizing' your 'involvement...but don't be surprised if it turns out that your desire for less involvement actually excites him somewhat- it may, or it may not. This is a 'peculiar' sort of thing where one can derive excitement/arousal from being denied access to what many consider to be one of their most 'prized possessions'.

As has been mentioned already, your 'involvement' can be limited to simply giving him the key and taking it back, you don't even need to 'inspect' for 'compliance'(unless you want to). But this is a form of 'power exchange' where he cedes power to you, and there is typically some form of negotiation involved as to what limits there may be. Your desire to minimize your involvement to once every two weeks, or once a month, can be considered a part of such negotiation, but in a perverse sort of way your minimization could actually be seen by him as exactly the opposite- an *increase* in involvement because you are extending the bounds of your control.

Here's the thing- you *never* have to do *anything* that you aren't comfortable doing. *You* control whether you do it or not. You are not required to exceed whatever limits you may have as to your involvement, and you have the final say as to whether you wish to be involved or not. However, if you choose to be involved, you may find that both your and his attitudes and limits may change in ways that you cannot currently predict, this will necessitate re-negotiation...and not only is there nothing wrong with that, it is actually the proper thing to do.

Good luck...and have fun- if it isn't fun, then don't do it.
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