Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

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Chastityat61
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Chastityat61 »

Seems to me after reading all the posts, you have been given the best advice one could possibly ask for. The going forward is now up to you. If you're so inclined, let us know how things worked out. Best to you both.
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Lady M
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Lady M »

This is part of a relationship like any other part of a relationship and there needs to be communication. Someone cannot force you to do something you genuinely do not want to do.

I was going to just comment that it sounds like a chastity contract or even a D/s contract may be something you need but the more I thought about it and the more there needs to be a serious discussion about what is and is not a limit when it comes to your relationship.
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Jon Descer
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Jon Descer »

Yeah, this is quite bizarre. Even among the chastity community, it's rare for someone to just not want to be played with, or have sex, or masturbate, at all, period. That almost makes me wonder if there's a physical or psychological problem, like maybe she doesn't actually like sex itself and has come to dimly realize she gets all she needs from just being aroused and from personal intimacy with you, but she's not really put all the pieces together. Or she has an iron will and just loves being horny as heck, and if that's the case, maybe you could come up with a compromise, like you have sex together but you stop before she orgasms (great time to explore anal, as most women won't come from that alone). A dom who likes edging her own brains out before topping others doesn't seem too far-fetched.

There is also, and I hate to say it but someone has to say it, the possibility that she's cheating on you. I know you already said you have a form of open relationship, and that's fine, but suddenly cutting your partner off from sex while still being nice and cuddly is often a sign that one is getting all the sex one needs from someone else, so not just some chastity play or fooling around, but straight-up replacing you. There's also a lot of crossover between chastity porn/fantasy and cuckoldry, forced-bi, and sissification, and if she is just recently getting into the scene, she might have some plan or vision along those lines, or she has outright convinced herself that you just don't deserve sex from her.

Sorry to be a downer, I just wanted to put that out there. A counselor does indeed sound necessary, or another trusted party, if you can't get her to agree to see a counselor, at least until you two can lay out for each other exactly what you want. And while someone else was correct when pointing out that withdrawing consent for you to touch her is 100% her right, it's also the case that refusing to have sex with your partner for extended periods, without a valid reason, is a form of emotional abuse. There's a lot of subs here and I think all of us can attest to the fact that subs always have to be careful to recognize the difference between being submissive and having our boundaries pushed a little, and being taken advantage of. You have to be willing to put your foot down, as a dom has to earn your submission, on an ongoing basis, just like a spouse has to earn your love and affection everyday, or you love on your kids everyday.
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Excited+Scared1
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Excited+Scared1 »

Hey Drewtoy.
I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time, and for sure the answer lies in putting both sets of cards on the table and saying “Is this what you want? ...because it’s not what I want”.
I always thought I had a pretty good understanding of women; their needs, desires and preferences, but 10 months playing with chastity has taught me that I may know 100% of 80%, but diddly squat about the other 20%.
Hell, I can’t even tell you, as a man who masturbated 2-3 times EVERY DAY, how I can now not want that ...but still want it ...but not want it!?!?! And why the hell do I want fantasise about T feeding me my own cum?!?!?
And if I can’t understand what drives me to want and love to be caged, I can’t pretend to know what T gets from it without asking, and then believing what she says.

I wonder - if you embraced her kink for a week/month is there any chance you might enjoy it?
So many of us on here spend months and years trying to get our partners interested and involved, and bemoan the KH’s lack of interest on this forum (and that’s fine too - we all share this one kink and want to push it to our limit, but which may be beyond our KH’s limit) I’m just lucky that T took minutes and seems to love all aspects of it!

Bottom line though...
Maybe the relationship has stopped working for both of you, and you need to return to vanilla land, reset, discuss, and continue (or not).

Good luck my friend.
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locked4her55
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by locked4her55 »

Excited+Scared1 wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 3:16 pm
I may know 100% of 80%, but diddly squat about the other 20%.
:lol:
Excited+Scared1 wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 3:16 pm
And if I can’t understand what drives me to want and love to be caged, I can’t pretend to know what T gets from it without asking, and then believing what she says.
:lol: :lol:
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Tom Allen
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Tom Allen »

I wonder - if you embraced her kink for a week/month is there any chance you might enjoy it?
So many of us on here spend months and years trying to get our partners interested and involved, and bemoan the KH’s lack of interest on this forum (and that’s fine too - we all share this one kink and want to push it to our limit, but which may be beyond our KH’s limit) I’m just lucky that T took minutes and seems to love all aspects of it!
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sklavenAJ
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by sklavenAJ »

Respect her if you love her. This IS not about you. This is about what she wants. She has no need to explain herself to you. All you need to do is stand back and be patient. If you can't support her, and her desire to not be sexual, offends you? Then either open up the relationship or head out the door.

Many ex's, imposed sex on me, and as a woman I was taught it was my "duty". It led to trauma and rape. Its not always violent, btw. It's about not wanting but having to do,, anyways.
Last edited by sklavenAJ on Tue Feb 25, 2020 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Schnoff »

> She has no need to explain herself to you.

I’ll respectfully disagree. If one partner’s needs aren’t being met, then a discussion is in order. Now she can always say “I’m not going to explain this”, but that may then - likely will - lead to a reciprocating answer of “and I am miserable like this, and if this is how it’s gonna be, we are not compatible”.

Life is too short to be miserable, and that’s true for equal partnerships as well as unequal partnerships. They’re still partnerships, and that involves a degree of caring for each other.
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XKB8R
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by XKB8R »

I'll come here at times to read, but only rarely post. My 2 cents, if it's even worth that...

The question has been asked a couple of times above, and forgive me if I missed an answer, but are you allowed to masturbate? Or have other partners?

Here's why I'm asking: Certainly there's a whole spectrum of chastity practices represented here, but the one that seems most common is that of one partner yielding control of *their own* orgasms to the other partner. Personally, I enjoy that dynamic, because, as also seems quite common, it improves my focus on making my wife happy, whether that's in the bedroom or otherwise.

The thing is, my consent is a necessary component of the chastity dynamic my wife and I enjoy today. Yeah, it was my idea, but it's something that we're doing *together*.

In my first marriage, my ex often made herself unavailable sexually, but I was totally free to enjoy the pleasure of my own company. That did a lot of emotional damage to our relationship. It might meet the dictionary definition, but I sure wouldn't have called that "chastity", at least not in the fashion it's most often practiced here.

That sounds like what you're dealing with, and it's a whole different animal.

There's lots of benefit to being the "denied" partner, if your counterpart actually acts as a *partner*, but to just leave you out on your own, in my experience, is a recipe for a bad outcome.
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Jon Descer
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Re: Imposed Chastity Ruining Marriage-HELP

Post by Jon Descer »

sklavenAJ wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2020 9:36 pm
This IS not about you. This is about what she wants.
The only relationship that describes is one of literal chattel slavery.
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