Why do you do it and who else knows?

Living the real life under lock and key
MeanChristine
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Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by MeanChristine » Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:56 am

These are both simple questions but important ones, and not necessarily an easy answer.
Why. My husband is amazing! Loving, dedicated, trusting, kind, tall and good looking. And that was before his chastity and our FLR(FLM, WLM or whichever you call it). We have been married for 11 years but have know each other much, much longer. We both enjoyed a very active sex life in many ways. We like swinging and some partner swapping. He even arranged some amazing birthday parties that would be a hit on Pornhub. His major failing qualities we're these. His midlife crisis was getting the better of him. He was throwing parties for strange couples, wanting to hook up with random woman. Wasting this time calling and chatting with wives. The things he loved to do were let to the side while he tried to fill this endless urge. Also he is a lousy fuck. That sounds cruel but it's true. His stamina was gone and he was pretty much just in it to nut. His pecker is probably less than average. And no size isn't everything but a big cock looks good, feels good in my hand and inside me. But I was going to throw out the baby with the bathwater. He's still my husband and he can have sex with more than his cock. Since he's been locked up he's even better.

Who knows. Five of our close swinging couples who have been very supportive. I would let them say anything to disrupt progress. They are our closest friends and once I know hubby had settled with his placed in life who knows how we'll play. It will be different for him at first but he'll find his place. If he wants nothing to do with our past sexual aggressiveness I'll understand and go off and have my fun. If he's ready to go I'll be thrilled.

So what's your why and who?

Ok I've been on here way too long. Bye all
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Steve2059
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by Steve2059 » Tue Oct 16, 2018 6:37 am

First, who else knows? Apart from my wife, no-one. Our friends, as far as I know, are very straight-laced and vanilla (although they probably think the same about us, so who knows) so my fear is that if an admission went down badly there's no way to unadmit.

Why do I do it? It's been a bit of a journey. I've always liked the idea of being sexually submissive but while my wife certainly isn't, neither is she dominant.

We've been married for over thirty years and, over time, we went from going like bunnies to having the same sex in the same place once a week, - perhaps, at even the same time on the same day. It was very gradual, almost unnoticed and never discussed.

About two years ago I started to get adventurous by myself in that I would wear her panties and tights under my clothes, and after a bit I would sometimes wear them for sex, which seemed to go down well. At the same time I discovered edging and became, if I say so myself, very good at it.

Around 18 months ago I decided that I'd talk to my wife about her becoming more dominant - a big deal because this sort of communication was very alien to us. It went down badly and I felt let down by her attitude. But a bit of research revealed to me that I was in fact "topping from the bottom", and I also realised that if anything was to change, putting pressure on my wife wasn't the way to do it.

Again after research, I devised sexual challenges, making a dozen so that they could be selected by dice rolls, with another dice roll to determine time. My wife was happy to roll dice but for me to enforce the challenge, and I quickly discovered that the best challenges were those related to orgasm denial. My wife, on the other hand, favoured things like naked housework and ironing, so there were things there for both of us.

From there I bought my first cage 15 months ago (I now have four), and from wearing for short periods indoors things have progressed to where I'm pretty much in it all the time except for rewards and when my wife wants PIV no-orgasm-for-me sex (in total, perhaps three hours a week but, on occasion, a whole day).

At the same time, once I stopped pressuring and pestering, my wife has become much more involved and, yes, dominant. She's really taken to my chastity and has my key (I have actually become a calmer and nicer person) and is threatening a 100% NOvember (our wedding anniversary falls in October).
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sherulestherooster
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by sherulestherooster » Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:27 am

Why do you do it?
Disclaimer: while she has been my keyholder in the past, she's not as into it as me; she prefers the honor system. I occasionally self-lock and I don't orgasm that often (maybe 2-3 times per month tops)

I'm a kinky person in general, very turned on by power dynamics and objectification. I really enjoy being restrained and a chastity cage is an example of that. Knowing that it's "hers" to be used only when she wants is very exciting to me. She enjoys having power over my sexual gratification and most importantly likes the feeling of not being obligated to reciprocate sexual pleasure. She has a hangup over "expectations" and so it does work for her that I can go down on her and she is free to simply roll over and fall asleep after I've put her clothes back on for her. I'm a big fan of double entendres and there are just so many lock/key/cage/confinement inside jokes that can happen with a chastity couple. The teasing is very "key" for me.

Who knows?
During our hotwifing adventure, one of her bulls knew and seemed very turned on by the fact that I was locked up while they were having a playdate. She wore the key safety pinned to her bra, so if she hadn't told him ahead of time that I was locked, I'd imagine he came across that conversation starter; and he seemed very excited about this.

Unfortunately, my wife doesn't have that many close female friends that she'd share this type of stuff with. I had a male friend that knew I was locked up and denied (he was denied also, and envious of our chastity play).
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KittensBoyToy
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by KittensBoyToy » Tue Oct 16, 2018 12:02 pm

I approached my wife about male chastity because my addiction to porn and masturbation was destroying a marriage of almost 45 years. (WE passed that mark as of last month.)

Who knows? My brother, one of my sons, a few friends, my primary care doctor and my shrink at the VA. We are also members of a private adult club and most of the other members know about it. (Hard to hide when you are walking around naked or in a pair of skimpy underwear that show an obviously strange bulge.)
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sherulestherooster
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by sherulestherooster » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:19 am

I should have also added, that I get "down" after I have a full orgasm. I've searched this feeling, there is a term for it - via Wikipedia:

Post-coital tristesse (PCT) or post-coital dysphoria (PCD) is the feeling of sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sexual intercourse. Its name comes from New Latin postcoitalis and French tristesse, literally "sadness".

I wouldn't say it happens all the time, but it's common. I've even been an asshole to her within minutes of her giving me the most pleasure I've ever received.

Basically, I feel like Inigo Montoya after killing the six fingered man. I've been horny so long, now I don't know what to do. To the point where I really do prefer the feeling of being horny than I do from feeling sexually satiated. I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense. My wife and I have had conversations where she'll tell me bluntly, you're a better husband when you're denied. And I guess this is why the honor system is so effective for us - she can immediately figure out from my change in attitude if I've taken matters into my own hands.
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Joroincharge
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by Joroincharge » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:23 am

MeanChristine wrote:
Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:56 am
These are both simple questions but important ones, and not necessarily an easy answer.
Why. My husband is amazing! Loving, dedicated, trusting, kind, tall and good looking. And that was before his chastity and our FLR(FLM, WLM or whichever you call it). We have been married for 11 years but have know each other much, much longer. We both enjoyed a very active sex life in many ways. We like swinging and some partner swapping. He even arranged some amazing birthday parties that would be a hit on Pornhub. His major failing qualities we're these. His midlife crisis was getting the better of him. He was throwing parties for strange couples, wanting to hook up with random woman. Wasting this time calling and chatting with wives. The things he loved to do were let to the side while he tried to fill this endless urge. Also he is a lousy fuck. That sounds cruel but it's true. His stamina was gone and he was pretty much just in it to nut. His pecker is probably less than average. And no size isn't everything but a big cock looks good, feels good in my hand and inside me. But I was going to throw out the baby with the bathwater. He's still my husband and he can have sex with more than his cock. Since he's been locked up he's even better.

Who knows. Five of our close swinging couples who have been very supportive. I would let them say anything to disrupt progress. They are our closest friends and once I know hubby had settled with his placed in life who knows how we'll play. It will be different for him at first but he'll find his place. If he wants nothing to do with our past sexual aggressiveness I'll understand and go off and have my fun. If he's ready to go I'll be thrilled.

So what's your why and who?

Ok I've been on here way too long. Bye all
Nice. Have your swinging couple friends seen him locked?
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Tom Allen
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by Tom Allen » Wed Oct 17, 2018 12:37 pm

To the point where I really do prefer the feeling of being horny than I do from feeling sexually satiated. I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Makes total sense to me. ;-)
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MeanChristine
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by MeanChristine » Sat Oct 20, 2018 2:11 am

So far three of the gals have seen him in the device. Two of them over the last couple months when we fooled around a little bit. And one just last week when we were talking about future peicings and that's her thing. I know he showed a hunting buddy who is husband to one of the above mentioned two gals. I noted his penile chastity or his device is not a point of humiliation. And for now it's best just to act like it's not there. On a good note hubby has become an oral maniac, something Ill leave for a different topic maybe.
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Joroincharge
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by Joroincharge » Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:58 pm

MeanChristine wrote:
Sat Oct 20, 2018 2:11 am
So far three of the gals have seen him in the device. Two of them over the last couple months when we fooled around a little bit. And one just last week when we were talking about future peicings and that's her thing. I know he showed a hunting buddy who is husband to one of the above mentioned two gals. I noted his penile chastity or his device is not a point of humiliation. And for now it's best just to act like it's not there. On a good note hubby has become an oral maniac, something Ill leave for a different topic maybe.
I'm sure that's the way. Any others who want a look will surely get one :D :!: Are the other gals (including the one into piercings) also in FLR/WLM relationships or do they vary?
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CagedKC
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Re: Why do you do it and who else knows?

Post by CagedKC » Thu Nov 22, 2018 2:27 pm

Why?...So I don't masturbate.
Whi knows?...Her best girlfriend. She sends her pics and we will all skinny dip this summer when she vists.
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