How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

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Anonymateus
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How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Anonymateus »

Hello fellow kinksters. This probably has been asked before but I could not find it in the forums.
After some 4-5 days in chastity (with or without a cage) I begin having mood swungs, particularly being very easily annoyed by small things. Besides, I begin to feel very frustrated and sad if my wife do not respond to my calls for intimacy for some days in a row, for example if we has (chaste) sex in the weekend, it is not uncommon for my wife to not want anything sexual until the following weekend, but if I’m in chastity for 1-2 weeks I will try to initiate intimacy with her since day 1, and will feel devalued/unappreciated if this happens. Do any of you feel like this? How do you cope wih the rollercoaster of emotions?

Thank you,
D.
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KittensBoyToy
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by KittensBoyToy »

The only time I have felt anything like you described was when we had a house guest for a few days that occupied a lot of Kitten's time.

Except for a couple of tease sessions and twice for PIV sex (One of which I was denied orgasm) I have been locked for over 5 weeks. All sexual activity is at her discretion. Intimate activity can be just holding her in bed at night. It doesn't just mean sex.
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Lady M
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Lady M »

One of the ways my hubby combated this was to change the way he was thinking. Start thinking of everything as intimacy instead of what used to be intimate between you. Holding hands, a wink and a smirk, they can all be signs of love and sexual intimacy. It seems like you are expecting certain things, to feel happy... Let the little things make you happy instead. :)

It also takes work on the part of the keyholder, most guys do not want to be locked and left and ignored... Even little comments throughout the week so you know she's thinking about you and it can make all the difference in someone's mental health.
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Anonymateus
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Anonymateus »

Lady M wrote:
Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:04 pm
One of the ways my hubby combated this was to change the way he was thinking. Start thinking of everything as intimacy instead of what used to be intimate between you. Holding hands, a wink and a smirk, they can all be signs of love and sexual intimacy. It seems like you are expecting certain things, to feel happy... Let the little things make you happy instead. :)
That’s a great suggestion, but hard to do because I’m not in complete control of how I think and feel. Will try my best! Thank you
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cuyahoga
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by cuyahoga »

When I first get denied orgasm, I have a build up somewhere between five and ten days, where I experience something similar. My wife knows now to actually push through this phase. I get easily annoyed and even a little aggressive. I read one time that after a man orgasms, his testosterone gradually builds up to a peak around the ten day mark, and then starts to level out. Most men have another orgasm long before this, so never even know.

I think that’s the annoyance part, and between my recognition and efforts to contain, and my wife’s effort to ignore the reactions, we’ve managed to adjust to it. I’ve never confirmed the science, so take this more as anecdotal, please.

For the lack of attention, yes ... find other intimacies. Cuddle in bed, snuggle on the couch, let hugs linger a little more than usual, and maybe turn into a kiss, and then a longer kiss, offer back rubs (that don’t become sexual, lol), etc. It will help you, and she might love it. And she might love it enough that you’ll notice she has more interest in sexual intimacy. Might not. Don’t go in with that expectation.

She might also get suspicious, thinking you’re doing these things to get more sex. Counter that with curtailing your own advances, waiting for her to start. It takes some time, definitely a long con, but it has a high percentage of success.
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easy going
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by easy going »

I wonder if what Annoymateus is describing: is what females feel in the span of time before their husbands pursue chastity? I know I began chastity play after my hunny bunny told me how unfair sex is- because I always cum, while she is left with that -one stroke away feeling- after she told me that I became much more oral.
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Steve2059
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Steve2059 »

I think the issue you describe is this: bring locked and ignored from week to week by your keyholder is pretty much the same as being vanilla and not having sex very often. But the whole point of being subservient is that you need to avoid "topping from the bottom" and that's an awkward situation.
I was in a similar situation when I started out, first with edging then with chastity, when I wanted my wife to participate and be in control but she was deeply unhappy with my pestering and pressuring her to be active and strict.
It became clear to me that I was the problem and something needed to change. I decided to make written lists of the things I would like to be "made" to do, along with explanations of my fantasies of why I would like to be made to do them. I gave her the list and told her that I really didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position but to hear me out. My suggestion was that she looked at the list and see what she might be comfortable with - I made sure there were suggestions such as household chores (performed naked) as well as sexual stuff. There were also suggestions such as "cuddle time" - a daily period we would be together in bed and it would go wherever she wanted, and a roleplay over days where she would ask me for sex and I, in my cage, refused in a convincing manner.
If I just say she's never used a vacuum or ironed my stuff for a year, you can see it worked for me. I don't say make an identical list, but you know your wife best.
For me, my wife felt under pressure when I asked her to suggest my lengths of chastity or to choose other challenges; but when I numbered everything she had no problem rolling dice to determine tasks and length of time.
I came across a site called Elise Sutton's Female Superiority Page, where the eponymous lady, when asked advice from men with unenthusiastic wives, always maintains it's the husband's fault for not being properly submissive or attentive. Whether or not she's right, it is good advice; we do put our wives or significant others in awkward situations with our kinks, and it's up to us to figure it out so that they can be happy as well as us.
Again for me, my wife has, over time, moved on from dice and lists and has become much more comfortable in a dominating/superior role.
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Critter228
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Critter228 »

I completely know the feeling you are going through and felt the exact same way when I first started. I’d read and fantasized about chastity for YEARS before even self play and then buying a cage. And several more years before I was comfortable enough to share this fantasy.

By the time I found her and she was cool with it, I was revving to go with a decade of fantasies to fulfill. But they were my fantasies not hers. I tried to top from the bottom and then tried no to but no matter what I did I just didn’t get enough attention to appease my desires.

My answer may not be popular but worked for me. I see a psychologist and take Prozac now. Not just for chastity or the relationship but life. Also just time going by and learning to be patient. I found the less I pestered or focused on It and the more open I was with communicating I could find a happy medium.

We hardly played for two years now we are back at it and I have a better outlook. She’s wayyyy more into it and we are happier than we’ve been since the honeymoon phase. So It does get better and there are resources to help cope with the frustration Looking at LESS porn helped and finding other ways to spend time. For instance I wrote a book. Not sure if I would have been able to do that if I was scouring tumblr and focusing on sex and porn.
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Steve2059
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Steve2059 »

I've posted once here on this issue, but I differ from Anonymateus in that being locked up calms me down. My life and my work entail significant responsibility and, from time to time, crisis management as people look to me for solutions. I can be abrasive and utterly impatient in relationships and friendships and, as you can imagine, this can be an issue for those around me (and I am grateful for their forbearance).
In the last year or so as I've become chastened and locked, several friends and employees have remarked upon my calmer and more considered demeanour. Unfortunately, I don't feel able to share with them (except my wife) that it's because my cock is locked in a stainless steel lattice. I still have the same responsibilities, but approach them in a much more considered way.
In short. my cage actually makes me a nicer person and less of a twat. Unfortunately, I can't help but think that exactly the same thing happened to my dog once I had his balls removed.
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Anonymateus
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Re: How to deal with mood swings when in chastity

Post by Anonymateus »

This forum is amazing, so many insightful answers!
Well, I think me and my wife are doing better this time. We spent since my original post until the beginning of this month without playing with chastity, but I asked her to participate in locktober, to which she agreed. She reads the locktober tasks given by jane of the Keephimcaged blog (and I’m forbidden to read ir), but since we don’t play every night she takes that only as ideas for when we do play. I have been trying, successfully until now, to change the way I view intimate action, as suggested by Lady M, and I also think time has made my wife better at understanding my needs and desires.
Thank you for the answers and I would like to thank the administrators of the forum for the only place that I know of where men have emotionally open and sincere discussions.
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