Should I keep going?

[newbie]

I'm just looking for some different perspectives on my situation.

You can read about my journey in my entry entitled "Starting Again" in the Journey section, but here's my situation in a nutshell:

My wife and I are 50yo and our sex life has always been pretty boring and vanilla. I of course have a higher sex drive than my wife, who would be perfectly happy to have sex once a month if not less. Anyway, I discovered male chastity and it really clicked with me. At first I did everything in private but then made an unsuccessful pitch to my wife which was immediately rejected. Months later, when I realized I didn't want to give this up, I explained it to her again. She told me she was totally turned off by the whole thing, but if I wanted to wear it then that was my business.

This was encouraging, and I began to wear the device more and more, not being concerned about her seeing it or whatever. I also began really showing her how we can still have fun in the bedroom, and how oral on her can give her awesome orgasms. I also began doing more around the house and being more caring in general. It was unusual in that I was still holding my own key and she didn't want to be involved in holding it.

She eventually went on a couple of business trips, so I decided to give her the key each time. After the second trip I decided not to ask her for the key back and instead would remain locked until she decided to give me the key back. Well, apparently she forgot she had the key so days went by after she arrived home with no exchange of a key.

Last night we had a great time in bed and I brought her to some pretty intense orgasms orally which she really seemed to love. We held each other and told each other how much we love each other. She seemed very happy and satisfied. This morning I felt I should bring up the fact that she still has the key, and when I did she gave me a somewhat blank stare and said something like "oh yeah, that, I guess I still have it", after some discussion she assured me that she could "probably" find it and that that's why I have a spare.

It became obvious that she is still not into this whole thing, even though I have been trying to show her the benefits in and out of the bedroom, but it's difficult when she has no desire to be a keyholder and I'm voluntarily locked.

I guess my question is should I keep going, or maybe lay off for a while? She doesn't seem to have an issue with me wearing it, but then what's the point if she doesn't want to be involved at all.

[Michele]

Just have a second but I wouldn't push anything but I wouldn't quit. I was not interested either but after 4 months of reading and research I decided we could try it... Yeah... He's been locked ever since! Haha

Perhaps she would want to read about it our talk to someone?

[newbie]

Thanks for your input.

The good news is that she isn't against me doing i t, so maybe if she had something to read on the subject she could decide to try it. The problem is that everytime I think I find a good article for her to read it seems to spiral into more of the fetish realm. If you have any suggestions for reading material I would certainly take a look. She is VERY vanilla though.

[carolina cyclist]

It took MrsL and I numerous attempts to finally both be on the same page. We have tried 4 or 5 times over the last 6 years each time ending with me giving up because she never really got interested. This time, I took a different approach and focused on her for 4-6 weeks: bubble baths, foot massages, etc. and then finally asked her if I continued with what I was doing would she be willing to try chastity again. She agreed.

I also went the route of providing some reading materials...many of which have been linked on these forums...but I will post some later.

This time around, I simply did what you are doing and put on the device, gave her the key, and we are now 4 months in to this and both are exceedingly happy.

[tqbartleby]

The way it worked for me in being a submissive husband was that 1) a very gradual approach is necessary, and 2) it has to be about her experience, not yours. If what she hears is "lock me up! lock me up!" she might find it tiresome. I think the thing to work on is what you've already been doing: her pleasure, her comfort first. Get her well used to that and the rest will likely happen. In time. But it may involve your becoming more submissive than you have imagined so far! And it will involve *not* being insistent.

(I haven't gone into locked chastity yet--I ordered a device that should arrive soon. But we had already advanced far enough into a D/S, female-led relationship that my suggestion of a chastity device wasn't hard to get approved.)

It took my wife a while to start settling into the role of dominant, even after I had been going full on in my role as submissive. Once she saw that it was something I was doing on a permanent basis and not as a passing kinky enthusiasm, she really accepted it. But sometimes she wants to forget about that, and so I don't make a point of asking for it. To insist too much that someone control or dominate you when they're not fully disposed to do so is "topping from the bottom" and can kill the whole thing dead. As some wise person here said, Twisted Mister I believe, chastity is the means. What is the end? Her fulfillment, more than yours.

[Linus]

I think if you get pleasure out of staying locked, then just continue
Kelmag's famous blog on the scientific benefits of chastity may change her mind

[coffee2sugars]

Could you not give her the 1 remaining key before her next trip and repeat the process of not asking her for it back.

She think about the situation a little more knowing that this time there is no spare. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it but just see what happens.

[newbie]

Kelmag's famous blog on the scientific benefits of chastity may change her mind

I don't believe I'm familiar with this blog.

[carolina cyclist]

It should be this link: http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... chive.html

[belocked]

How openly have you talked with your wife? Are you even sure in your own mind why you are doing this? If it's because it turns you on don't be surprised if she isn't interested. There are lots of reasons to keep going, and lots of reasons why not. You have to decide why you want to continue.

There's plenty of stuff written here about the need to talk. I think it helped us when I explained to my wife that it helped me focus on her, but it took me months to get to that point and past the initial excitement of having a new kink. She only started to get interested once she saw me become more attentive to her. Of course you need to wait for the right moment and to have prepared what you're going to say, and don't make a big deal of it. Don't ask for a reaction, let her think about it and see that you're serious about her. It takes time, and lots of it.

Maybe next time you lock up you can gently tell her that you're doing it because it will help you focus on her (assuming it's true). Then surprise her with extra attention, flowers, etc, but without expecting anything in return. And thank her for helping you. Good luck.