Anyone know of a keyholder guide for only chastity?

[Barons]

The vast majority of what I've found has been kinky dom/sub stuff that happens to involve chastity. They are just about always geared to teaching the guy how to obey his new kinky slut wife key holder.

I've only found two books that are geared to vanilla chastity, and those were still about all the stuff the guy needs to do to make chastity work in the relationship.

Anyone know of a how to guide for women that well help her be a better keyholder without telling her she needs to turn her husband into a woman and start dating black men?


We got the male chastity guide for keyholders but it was geared for people just getting
their feet wet with chastity and didn't touch on anything helpful to experienced players.

If you know of any books, blogs, websites or anything non being a better keyholder please share.

[poor]

Even assuming that there is a typo in the last sentence your post seems to contradict itself. If you are 'advanced players' why would you need a guide? There is not that much to MC once the fit is sorted beyond what you scratch out between yourselves and living with it.

If your other book isn't Sarah Jamesons 'Be Careful What You Wish For' then that could be worth a look.

Wendy's Games http://www.chastityforums.com/viewtopic ... es&start=0 is as good as any advice you'll find but without knowing the flavour of what's missing it's hard to recommend a recipe to create it.

[Tom Allen]

Have you checked out the blogs in Keyheld yet? Most are written by down-to-earth people in actual relationships, several of whom are regulars on this group. And as Poor mentioned above, Sarah Jameson's book is definitely aimed at vanilla newbs, not at the BDSM crowd.

[Barons]

Thanks for the help. I'll check out the key held area.

Sarah has some good stuff for beginners I've read just about all of her stuff. It was after the fact though. I was into chastity porn for a while and never thought of actually being in chastity myself. Then one day my wife surprises me with curve. Then maybe a year or so later we are still trying to find something that works good for us.

The problem.is I don't feel like she is taking the initiative to be a good keyholder. She's enjoys being the submissive one in the bedroom and is uncomfortable initiateing sex or more importantly tease secessions


In short i get board being locked up because she doesn't know what I want her to do. I guess it's hard to explain bebecause if I told her when and what to do it would be stupid and defeat the point of the game. We lack spontaneity. It all boils down to I want to be teased more or more wickedly I guess is a better way of saying it. I want to be kept guessing about my next release.

Ive tried explaining it to her but I'm not the best with words and easily turn things into fights.

What do I mean, here's an example..... In the next post because my phone is being stupid.

[Snot]

never mind. I just had to type some stuff down and get if off my chest. After about page 5 of my bitching I figured no one should have to read it lol

[poor]

Buy the Adult game 'Nookii' for her. There is a easily a years worth of mild teasing on the cards in that box whether you play it to the letter or just use it to get started. If it proves too mild it may be that the porn has raised your expectations to a point that your wife is unable to reach.

For lots of us chastity works because it takes the pressure to perform off the lady and allows them to show us what they really want from us. This may mean less sex but is much more sexual than the 'fucking 'cos it's Friday 3 weeks out of 4' rut that all relationships get into at some point.

[Tom Allen]

never mind. I just had to type some stuff down and get if off my chest. After about page 5 of my bitching I figured no one should have to read it lol

First, why do you have 2 accounts?

Second, it sounds like what you're looking for is a guidebook on T&D. While you may have read Sarah's stuff, has your wife read them? There were some useful tips there.

[Barons]

Hi Mark,

Thanks so much for the reply and the tips. Learning to communicate more was very important to getting started with chastity but now our issues are more about our willingness to do what the other wants I guess.

Now that I'm in chastity I'm putting more effort into making her happy than I ever have in our whole relationship and for the most part I'm enjoying doing it. I'm just getting resentful because I don't feel like she's attempting to do the same. I've doing a ton of stuff either much better, more often, or all together doing new things that I know she wants me to do and the only thing she needs to do to keep me happy is learn how to be a good tease.

If I say to her "Babe, I've spent about 6 hours this month with my face in your pussy. You need to spend more time teasing me" it makes me sound needy and pisses me off if she doesn't make an attempt to improve.

If I say to her "Babe, you need to put some effort into my orgasms. Make it an all day event, or at least stretch it out an hour or two and tease the shit out of me for a while first. When I'm investing so much of my time and energy into doing things that make you happy and my orgasm is a 5 min blow job it makes me want to punch a puppy." you would think that would give her some incentive to do better next time.

I mean it's not difficult for her, I just don't think she gets it. Maybe she didn't feel like being a good keyholder the last two times. So what, just extend my chastity until she feels like doing her job.

I don't there are just somethings you can't say without making them pointless. Like "Hey can you tease me a long time on my next orgasm day and then surprise me with a ruined orgasm?" It takes the fun out of it if I have to tell her how to be a key holder I just don't feel like she's trying and i'm overly blunt a lot of times even more so when I'm mad about something and I'm trying to avoid telling her how I feel because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

I need a book or something I can give her that teaches her like step by step how to be a "Good" keyholder to avoid my thick headed ass telling her something crazy when I'm mad. I'll check out all the resources you've mentioned and see if I can find what I'm looking for. If nothing else I need to script out what I want to say in advance and then have another conversation with her. Hopfull if I plan out what I'm going to say and practice in a mirror or something I'll be able to stay positive.

[Locked by LRC]

There is one that LRC likes. The book is called "Taking Back Your Marriage" written by, Georgia Ivey Green. It's available at Amazon in Kindle or book.

She also has a blog as Mistress Ivy at; http://mistressivey.blogspot.com/?zx=8be8ca82ccd654a

[Barons]

Hi Tom,

I guess I have one on my phone and another on my computer. Can you merge the two? If not you're welcome to delete which ever one has the least amount of posts.

I've read most of Sarah's stuff but I doubt my wife has. If she has she really doesn't give a shit what other people think she needs to do. I still send her stuff every now and then but really were two a point that she knows what I want her to do she just hasn't decided to do it.

She read Sarah's BCWYWF book... She got really turned off to being a KH when we were getting started because I wanted her to lock me up a lot longer than she was expecting. One of Sarah's book said a good rule of thumb is to double the lock up time your the guy asks for so took that into account when I told her how long I wanted to be locked up. I don't maybe she was only expecting a few days or something but I said I wanted to be locked for 2 months and she wasn't happy with that and wanted it to be much less.

Anyway I'm hoping if I can find something to give her all the tools she needs to be a good keyholder she'll use the ones she like and start trying to improve. I do so much stuff just because I know it makes her happy and If we can figure out something to fix the imbalance soon I'm probably going to say something stupid. =(