Atone, all I can say is Thank You.
You summed up my life perfectly. I love being home with my girls, I would not trade it for the world. Yet I often am jealous of Jnuts who leaves for 9 hours a day. His wonderful job allows me to stay home and not put the girls in daycare, but there are days that I miss my stressful, demanding "adult life". As for family issues, my extended family is very dysfunctional. . Right now there are some pretty significant health issues with the man who raised me (step dad), so yes, prayers all around are very much appreciated.
For me it isn't just the stay at home bit, it's the constant tiredness that takes it's toll and I only have one baby Belle so I imagine you must be twice as shattered! It's absolutely natural that womens sex drive disappear after kids- it's nature's way of telling us that our bodies need to rest and recuperate after going through so much. To then "take responsibility" for your sex life on top of all the exhausting parental burden can seem overwhelming and I can see how it could cause resentment when thrown in on top of all the other 24 7 mummy duties. Throw into the mix a loss of self esteem, bloody baby weight gain (grr) and all the outside pressure of how to be the perfect parent etc and you have a recipe for unhappiness and tension even if everything else is going to plan. I don't know how old you are Belle ( and I'm too much of a lady to ask!) but having a wriggly, active 5 month old at 40 years of age is so exhausting that I remind hub that he's a fortunate man that I even manage to raise a smile let alone actively manage our sex life.
The idea of a contract ( well ours anyway) was to out all the hidden assumptions and misunderstandings that we both may have been harbouring. I couldn't tell you the last time I looked at it but the process of putting it together was cathartic in itself. The suggestions on here are all good and I think to try and write up your ideas and compare them will help you both get it all out in the open.
Then put JNuts on sole nappy duty for a weekend and get some "me time"
I don't know how old you are Belle ( and I'm too much of a lady to ask!
When I was dating years ago it was considered very bad form to ask the age of a girl..... So instead I asked them their weight!(Sorry. Just trying to cheer Belle up with some British humour)
0 x
Owned and loved by Celtic Queen. Her perception is my reality.
There is a post by MichaelandMellissa on 12-22 that talks about Agreements. I liked the content of it very much and am thinking of using it as a starting point for my wife KH and myself to have a talk about MC. We also just recently hit a lull in the chastity play. With all the holiday guests, children home from college, taking care of a relative who recently had a stroke...it makes MC seem kind of a waste of time....
I think from reading all the previous posts, it's not the contract that matters, its the time you both take thinking through what you really want out of MC and then sitting down and having a meaningful discussion about it. I have to say that is exactly where my head is parked at the present. MC isn't any fun if you are locked up and not being teased. Having to tease your spouse isn't fun if you have more pressing issues on your mind. Taking a break sometimes is just "normal". "Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans." J. Lennon.
There seem to be several common threads in the relationships of many of the couples (not all of course) that post here. KH /wife has a low sex drive. MC /husband has a high sex drive. KH/wife was asked to take control of her MC/ husband's orgasm. MC/husband was asked to contribute more towards helping reduce "household" stress of the KH/wife. Both parties want to experience an increase in their sense of intimacy and rekindle a feeling of the love that first brought them together. Sexual desire is the carrot in MC play. In order to get to the carrot all of life's other needs must be put in order first, which sometimes causes MC play to be too difficult to focus on....At least that's how I see it....
Celtic Queen wrote: I don't know how old you are Belle ( and I'm too much of a lady to ask!) but having a wriggly, active 5 month old at 40 years of age is so exhausting
I am almost 37, and the girls are 7 months and 18 months.
justplaying wrote: Taking a break sometimes is just "normal". "Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans." J. Lennon.
Belle,
I agree with much of what Justplaying says above. My own wife/KH has been under alot of stress and I decided to offer her a break this morning. I can read her reasonably well, and I could tell she is overloaded, and worrying about "her cock", was just one more thing on the list. She just seemed too distracted to worry about teasing me while locked-up. So I offered to put the device away for a bit...and told her to let me know when she wants me to pull it back out (and I will do so gladly!). We do have one child at home (age 10), so that does add to the stress level, as you know all too well.
Bottom line? I just think we need to be flexible, and be able to take a break every so often. We were pretty engaged since mid-November, and now she needs a breather...so we'll do that and go from there.
0 x
-Dan
and yes, that IS my beautiful hotwife wearing the key to my cb-6000s!
Currently Own: CB-6000s, Steelworxx Steelheart (2), modified Steelworxx Looker 3, and DH Gate A271 (2)
Currently Wearing: Steelheart
We have a simple agreement with each other. My wife is having her second baby and the last thing she needs to be worrying about is my needs; she has enough going on with her body. So we follow five little guidelines; when she weans our final child, we will revisit the arrangement.
1. I wear a chastity device all day, every day.
2. The device can come off once a week, briefly, for cleaning.
3. She holds the key.
The only exceptions to these rules are:
4. The device can come off if other people may find out about it (eg. family events, swimming)
5. The device can come off for medical or health reasons.
The device comes off for sex if she feels like it, but as that is entirely up to her, it isn't included in the agreement.
We haven't been following it strictly lately, as the healing PA piercing has meant more time out of the CB6000. And we've both been curiously enjoying THAT new experience.
The jailbird arrives soon, so we will be back on track then.
Celtic Queen wrote: I don't know how old you are Belle ( and I'm too much of a lady to ask!) but having a wriggly, active 5 month old at 40 years of age is so exhausting
I am almost 37, and the girls are 7 months and 18 months.
Lots of good advice and replies here, but I'll throw in my perspective -
We work on Dev's contract - she has the key, and we're having fun. If the having fun part stops, then we need to talk about it. Just lately, there have been things a lot more difficult to deal with than chastity going on, and that's required a lot of energy.
It's completely OK to take a break. We did that off and on for years, and you can stop and go back to it. What it sounds like to me is that Belle is just flat exhausted a fair bit of the time, and outside stressors don't help. IMHO, you don't so much need a contract as you need a break and more help. Leave the kids with jnuts, and go have an evening or a day out doing whatever you like - get some mental fresh air.
. Right now there are some pretty significant health issues with the man who raised me (step dad), so yes, prayers all around are very much appreciated.
