[trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 68

A couple of days of no activity - treading, foreplay, nothing - which is very unusual for us.

This morning, she started teasing me as soon as she woke up. Usually, I start squirming and spasming pretty quickly but I was determined to keep all of my body muscles relaxed. As she stroked my armpits, chest and played with my nipples, the intensity at the tip of my penis was excruciating. All of the energy generated from her touch was sending high voltage to my cock head with nothing suitable to conduct and drain it. I'm convinced I'll never have a nipple orgasm without physical touch to my penis. When she stopped and said "we've got to get going", I had to lay in bed for several minutes to let the energy dissipate throughout the rest of my body. My muscles felt like vibrating jello.

We are packing up to leave for an overnight trip and I told her I needed the key to check things out and shave. She couldn't find it and the other one was locked in a lock box she couldn't get opened. We had put a package of plastic keys in the box and the lock got jammed and we haven't been able to open it for weeks. We've been using the spare and she hid it somewhere and couldn't remember where. I've figured out how to keep myself clean without opening the cage and it's been almost two weeks since we last saw the key. Apparently, I had jiggled the lockbox enough in the interim because when she tried it one more time in desperation, it opened. Whew!
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 68 continued

We had a very enjoyable, romantic day that had D in the mood when we retired early to or hotel room. She surprised me by not pulling out her tablet to read. Since she had teased me so thoroughly in the morning, the focus was entirely inn her pleasure. I asked her to name the 3 spots on her body she liked to be touched besides her clitoris. I then proceeded to spend a great deal of time working at arousing her. It's really hard to know what she likes because I don't really get any audible or physical clues. So I'm dependent on her to tell me. I, on the other hand, can't suppress my feelings because I'm so sensitive to her touch. I think that's in large part because of my denial.

This was good because it took any focus away from me and put it entirely on her. Since we laid by the hotel pool earlier in the afternoon, she had to take an afternoon shower before going out for dinner. This is a prime opportunity for giving her oral since she won't be worried about how she smells. I asked multiple times for permission to go down on her and finally after a good 30 minutes of foreplay, she relented. She found just the right position to be comfortable and seemed to really enjoy herself! We drifted off to sleep very satisfied.
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

On Friday morning when D couldn't find the key, I noticed that one of my balls had slipped out so I was hanging a bit lopsided with one ball in the ball trap and one out. Since I'm using the smallest spacer on the Vice Mini, I realized I need to use the next smallest ring. After 5 1/2 months of wearing this cage, I'm a bit surprised. My cage and ring (not a solid ring) could be wearing a bit. So I'm now having to adjust to a tighter ring which requires careful attention to lubrication.

We went for a bicycle ride on Saturday. I had to stop to adjust things once. The skin on my scrotum had folded over on itself and started to get caught in the ring. We rode for almost 2 hours with no noticeable chafing or irriation afterwards.

I'm also back in the smallest pullout on the Vice. This pinches under the head a good bit and puts a lot of pressure on my little guy when D starts teasing me or I have a nocturnal attempt at erection.
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 70

When D awoke, I snuggled up to her for a bit and then went to work caressing and stroking her hitting the areas she said she likes the most. She provided some more verbal feedback as to what she likes and doesn't like. Before long though, she told me to roll over so she could access her "toys". This requires me to raise my arms over my head and I whispered, "would it be better to tie me to the bed?" and she giggled. She proceeded to tease me to an extreme again leaving me dripping and trembling. I finally rolled back over and went back to work on her. She had a very powerful orgasm and made a "fireworks" comment afterwards. She later mentioned that she felt like she needed to have an orgasm for me since I couldn't. WOW! What a jump in mindset! I was a bit surprised she figured that out but she probably noticeed that my breathing tends to increase as her does when she gets close to climax. I told her that I try to hold her close so I can feel the sensations of her orgasm; that's the biggest advantage of giving her a manual orgasm vs an oral one.

Day 71

This was the day of the month that I'm allowed to bring up chastity for our monthly check-in. She acted like she didn't know what that meant. When I told her that it was day 71 since my last orgasm, she told me that she had no idea and had completely lost track (as I suspected). Based on her reaction, she's going to have no idea when we hit the 90 day milestone unless I breach the Guidelines we set for chastity discussions. This means I'll probably have to go at least 102 days before I can raise the question of "Is it time?" I probably subverted that anyway with some of the other items we discussed.

We talked about setbacks and slips that can happen to men who are going thru a NOFAP or PMO recovery journey. She told me she would be devastated if I slipped. I told her I still have urges from time to time but they aren't as strong as they as they were earlier in our journey when she was giving me occasional orgasms. We agreed that I will need to remain locked for awhile until I can develop the skills, tools and habits in a recovery program to handle those urges. She and I definitely don't want to deal with the emotional trauma of a moral failure.

I told her I'm a little nervous about having orgasms again for fear that it will" break the spell" I'm under. She seemed a bit exasperated with that remark. So I had to tell her that I'm emotionally scared that I'll start misbehaving again if I start having orgasms. She said she thought that that should make things better, not worse. I reminded her that it would mess with my hormones. I then asked her "have you noticed that my mood and behavior has been leveling out and been pretty consistent over the past month or so (i.e. no significant misbehavior)? And she agreed. My last outburst was 6 weeks ago. And she commented that the only indiscretion was a "NO" i uttered a week or so ago when I got a little sarcastic when she asked me if I was awake. I used to do that all the time when she would ask questions that I deemed had obvious answers of "YES". She told me that used to drive her absolutely crazy. That and ignoring and not answering her questions. Why do I bring these things up and to her attention? This will only make her even more likely to keep me in denial. And I'm craving an orgasm right now. But I do actually enjoy the better husband I'm becoming.

I did bring up the idea of tieing me to the bed to tease me again. Her response was she would only need to do that if she wasn't able to access her "toys". I've been too compliant... maybe I need to play "hard to get"? But I certainly don't want to risk discouraging her from teasing me.

I did read in one KH's blog that a single orgasm followed by a few weeks of denial seemed to prevent the dreaded Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde transformation. I hope so. I'm going to have to really focus on being on my very best behavior if and when she allows me to cum again. She doesn't even throw out the occasional "should we let him out to play?" question anymore. The closest thing to that she's said recently was some comment during a teasing session about not having access to my little guy and I immediately suggested she reach over and get the key out of the lockbox that's inside of her bedside table. She paused for just a moment and then firmly said "NO".
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 73

No play this morning. We both were tired after not sleeping great and took the extra 30 min to rest.

It was really hot today - 95 F - and I was out in the heat most of the day working. I stumbled upon a bear in the woods and dropped to the deck before he ran off. Was covered all over with dirt that stuck to my sunscreen as I wasn't wearing much in the way of clothes because of the heat. Went home to shower only to find a service man who showed up to work on our water system. Once he finished it, discovered there was no hot water. No shower. Spent an hour or so trying to figure it out. Decided to fire up the wood stove to heat the water which took awhile and added the smell of smoke to the layer of dirt on me.

Finally got a shower and prepared a quick dinner for D. We settled down to watch some TV but I was misbehaving badly. At least 3 times I gave her the opposite answer to questions with an obvious answer. And I was reacting badly as she discussed plans to have a photographer take family pictures at a family reunion planned next month. ("UGH") Why was I doing that???

She put on an unappealing chick flick on Netflix and I found myself dosing off! I decided the best things was to go to bed and excused myself. She turned it off and followed me to the bedroom and got ready for bed. I was asleep almost before she got under the covers but I clearly remember she was naked.

Day 74

I woke up a little early this morning before D did feeling guilty at the way I acted last night. I wanted to make excuses but realized that there is no excuse for behaving that way. I still have a long way to go to rewire my brain. And I have to remind myself that I'm on the right path. I dozed back to sleep before our alarm went off. I expected D to be upset with me and to give me the cold shoulder. But she initiated things and start to gently caress me; I returned the favor and worked my way towards pleasuring her. She reminded me that's not the way things work for us so I rolled over and gave her access to her toys. She had me spasming uncontrollably and ready to beg for release and orgasm, but our guidelines don't allow me to ask. I sooooo wanted to plead with her. I pressed my cage against her thigh straining for stimulation but there was little or none to be found. When she was finished, I hugged her tightly pressing my entire body against hers while moaning as I recovered. After a couple of minutes, I started stroking her probably a little too harshly to begin. I gradually reduced things to something very gentle and was able to pleasure her before it was time to get up.

Post menopausal women tend to have a dry vagina and need a good lubricant to enjoy sex. That was true for D prior to chastity. But our emotional, mental & physical intimacy is so amped up now, she's always naturally lubricated by the time we're finished with foreplay. Maybe it has nothing to do with age and menopause and everything to do with the quality of your sex life!

I'm incredibly lucky to have a wife/KH like D who ignored my bad behavior and made passionate love to me after we both were able to get a good night's sleep! How can I love and serve her today?
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 75

Yesterday, D and I had a watershed moment in this journey together. Over dinner, I asked D to estimate how many times “we had made love” in the 4 months since our journey began in March when she became my KH. She said “about 100”. My response was “that’s about what I thought you’d say and I would agree”. Then I asked her to estimate how long it was for the previous 100 times we made love. She said “a very long time” and couldn’t begin to guess. Being the analytical one, I estimated it was at least 15-20 years... maybe longer. Zero to 60 overnight indeed!

As we talked about chastity and our practice of tease & denial, she said one of the things she most appreciates about our physical intimacy is that there is NO MESS to clean up afterwards. It dawned on me that it’s been a long time since she’s suggested we remove my Guardian. I think panic began to set in because I started to have selfish feelings longing for more frequent orgasms. As we got ready for bed, it occurred to me that if I was having frequent orgasms, the frequency of our love making would be much less than it has been these past 4 months. It seems she craves physical touch almost as much as I do right now and that very likely wouldn’t be the case if I was satiated all of the time. I don’t want to diminish our desire for one another and reduce the frequency of our physical intimacy.

As we snuggled in bed before going to sleep, I brought up her comment again from earlier in the night: “So you're really enjoying teasing & denying me now because there is no mess afterwards?” She too enthusiastically said “OH YEAH”! For the first time in weeks, I had difficulty drifting off to sleep. I think we’ve turned a corner… I don’t think she’s feeling any guilt about keeping me denied.
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 77

Yesterday started out with an early volunteer opportunity that shifted our normal activities to later in the day. As a result, D didn't workout and shower until mid to late afternoon. I walked in when she was showering and said "I love it when you shower late in the day because it means there's a possibility that later I might get to ...." and I left it at that. We watched too much TV and were tired when we went to bed. When D woke up this morning, she immediately moved into an "I want to spoon you and pkay with / tease you" position. So I complied since it was pointless to try anything else. LOL

When she had me thoroughly aroused and delightfully frustrated, I reached over and found "the door was open" and we were able to stimulate each other simultaneously. This was really a nice, erotic experience. Eventually I realized it was time for a more direct approach and turned over. Without hesitation, she allowed me to pleasure her orally. This obviously made me very happy as well as her. She had one of her strongest spasms in recent memory. This is very encouraging because she hasn't been comfortable with oral sex in the past and it HAS to feel better than almost anything else. So much about sex is mental and emotional for her (and most women?). This is great progress in our journey!
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Playing catch up with the next few posts

Day 79

Still crawling towards day 90.

Sunday evening, went to a winery with close friends. They have noticed a change in our relationship and my behavior over the past several months. I commented we were 5 months into the honeymoon and still going strong. I realize now that it was a form of bragging and am a bit disgusted with myself. While I was off buying some wine and our friend's wife was in the bathroom, the husband began asking D about what has happened. She spoke about how I had changed and how she is feeling about it. She didn't mention chastity but told him I would probably share it with him if he asked me to. Later, on the way home, she told me about the conversation which led to further discussions. She mentioned wanting me to be uncaged which started a downward spiral for me... feels of anxiety about staying pure & denied started to hit me. As the conversation continued, the guilt & shame of 40+ years of selfish masturbation & porn use during our marriage began to weigh me down. Laying in bed that night, the thought of being uncaged made me want to touch myself. The next morning, we had to get up and get going early so no "play time". I muddled thru the morning until D came home at lunch and we packed up and went to the beach at a lake not far from home. The swimsuit D was wearing provided all the teasing I needed to get aroused. I was glad my Guardian was still in place to prevent my little guy from trying to get everyone's attention.

This morning, I awoke with a raging attempt at an erection. I guess the trip to the beach on top of my long denial period is getting the best of me. This caused some serious pain where the anti-pullout impinges me below the glans. D decided to tease me first thing this morning. She was very much on her game and I had to cut it short so I could get some relief. I asked for the key for a hygiene opening since it had been at least two weeks since my last checkup. She obliged me without hesitation. She seemed to linger for awhile as I was getting cleaned up.... maybe trying to be sure I was going to try anything? Finally, she had to leave to hit her workout machine in the basement. I decided I needed a day of freedom to allow some healing and dumped the parts to my Guardian into my bathroom drawer. I have a full day of work watching grandchildren and my little guy is sore, so I'm not going to be trying anything. D will be in for a surprise when we crawl into bed tonight if she isn't too tired to snuggle. I'm really curious at her reaction. (FYI: our key is secure in a lockbox that she alone has the combination to. My cage is secured with a padlock. So when I unlock, I immediately return the key to the box and close it. I then lock my Guardian back up when I'm done cleaning.)
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trijack3
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2022 4:32 am

Re: [trijack3] Resurrected from the dead but WHAT have I gotten myself into???

Post by trijack3 »

Day 81

Yesterday morning, at about 4 am, I had my first erection in almost 3 months. I went 24 hours without the cage but was so busy with my grandkids and it was a long day that I was too tired in the evening to think about anything sexual. D was gone most of the evening for a meeting so we quickly slipped into bed when she arrived home. I was almost asleep by the time she crawled into bed. Since we didn't fool around, she hadn't noticed that my Guardian was not in place. I was sure that would happen in the morning, but I started coming down with a cold during the night. So we didn't embrace or cuddle after she woke up. I put my Guardian back on after she left for work; I don't want to risk losing control at this point.

It was nice to have an erection again. I had to reach under the covers to be sure it was what I thought it was. But I'm still PMO-free for 81 days. I just may make it to 90 after all.
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