[blade-jogger] For us, it started a little backward

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blade_jogger
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[blade-jogger] For us, it started a little backward

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For us, it started a little backward. I fell unknowingly into chastity. My wife and I both worked in the sex industry. I directed and occasionally performed in fetish/bondage-heavy porn media. I did this for more than 15 years and was well entrenched in that community. I was never in the submissive role, and most of my relationships followed the D/s dynamic, with me being the Dominant. Sex was a regular for me, and even the kinkiest threesome became... dare, I say, boring. I have had casual sexual relationships with a few hundred women, some long-term, some flings. Fucking was as common as shaking hands. I was a man whore in every possible way imaginable. Now well into my 40's I met my wife when she was in her mid-twenties. She was a prominent professional dominatrix who cultivated high-end clientele and was known in the kink community. She was not a “full-service” Domme and had a reputation for professionalism and quality work. We started hanging out as friends more than 8 years ago.

When we started dating we were both sleeping with others and sometimes playing with others together. But, we started feeling like we were just doing these things because that was what we knew to do. We were both sexually burnt out and bored. Our relationship emotionally grew deeper and deeper, we both decided to choose to move to being monogamous and we decided that we would bring the D/s dynamic into the relationship with me being the Domm. Soon after I proposed, we married and we are very happily married. It’s been six years. We both have graduate degrees (porn wasn’t my end game), mine is in finance and she now works as a therapist. We managed to hide our former lives fairly well. We live a fairly “normal” life now with a dog and no kids. But, about three years ago we were stuck in a rut. There was no kink we haven’t explored or explored too much. PIV, fisting, latex, ropes, blah blah blah. We took comfort in our monogamy and the idea of bringing in another person to play with didn’t appeal to either of us.

My first chastity experience
I am going to be opaque with some of my details here. It wouldn’t be too difficult to tease out my wife’s identity if I talked too much about her past. But, let's just say she knew about chastity. And she had acquired quite a collection of chastity cages from various manufacturers. Early on in our relationship, she asked if I would give my opinion about a new type of plastic PA cage. I have a PA piercing and she ask me to try this PA cage to see how comfortable it was and if it hurt. It was more for research about the quality and comfort of the cages build. There was some joking about keeping me locked, but it was more silliness than anything else. I left it on for a few days and that was that. I gave a full report, and life went on. I didn’t think too much about it.

Fast forward a couple of years. We both have baggage from our prior lives… it was important to both of us that we feel secure in our fidelity and love for each other. She has a necklace that she can’t remove that serves as her token to me. I have a bracelet that I can’t remove as mine, but when she was going back east to visit family and I had to stay behind we both felt that a stronger token for me would make us both feel closer. We thought for a few days, looked around, but couldn’t find anything that stood out to both of us. Then right before leaving, right after we had our goodby sex, she was laying on top of me, and told me to close my eyes, she cuffed my hands above my head and surprised me by removing my piercing, and putting on that same cage she had me try on years before. That was it. She left for her trip and the comfort of knowing that she had my keys with her provided me with the first real sense of intimacy I think I had in decades. After that trip, the cage started making me crave things I took for granted. I looked at my wife differently, she was now (for the first time in forever) giving me a “new” sexual experience.

Things have progressed since then even more. The cage never came off after she came back. Six months later it was replaced with a custom metal PA cage, but I’ve only taken the cage off to go through airport security. My keys live in a safety deposit box, and my wife has the only keys to the bank box hidden away. In the past three years my device has been off a total of 6 times for a total of 43 accumulative minutes, and only for security screenings - my doctor knows about my device and it has not interfered with any medical needs. I am no longer the D in our D/s dynamic. Other things have come up in the past couple of years. My wife has a latex fetish, and I have discovered that I have a sensory deprivation fetish. It has resulted in me sleeping with a latex hood and a locked collar every night. It has nose holes and micro-perforations and is plenty safe. She also asks that I wear it when we have sex most of the time - furthering my denial. Oh, and sex now happens with me wearing a strap-on. She has a “Cock Cabinet” with nine of her favorite cocks and picks which one she wants me to use. I now work from home, but my wife has to go to the office for work now and again. When she leaves she asks that I wear a latex hood with micro-perforations for the eyes, nose and, mouth, also with a locking collar or leg and wrist restraints if I have a work call I need to talk on. She takes the keys with her… there is an emergency box, but there are consequences for accessing that without a really good reason. And, that is why there is the cattle prod. But, I’ll save that for later.

We are coming up on my third full year in chastity. We check in often about how each other feels about our journey. Over wine, the other night my wife reiterates that she needs time, a long time, away from dealing with men's cocks and that she doesn’t see herself ever feeling the need to use mine or any other ever again. She also reminds me often that my cock is the one that she loves most in this world. So much that she has locked it up to make sure nothing happens to it. I love that we have uncovered a new type of intimacy that is rich and full of new experiences. We are closer than ever, and really feel connected. I know that I was hesitant to relinquish control over sex. The need to be the dominating person in my sexual relationships, the need to control other's experiences in sex says a lot about my old insecurities. I am over it, and I see it for what it is now. I posted in the “Hot things your keyholder has said!” earlier that after my first year in chastity my wife told me: “Now that we proved it can be done - I guess it’s a good time to tell you that your cock is never going to fuck anyone ever again - this is forever.” It’s good to have someone with years of experience holding your keys.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I know these posts are cathartic for each of us that feel compelled to post here.
7 x
B̴̛̜͉̩̋̔̆͗Ḷ̸̢̡͕̯̜͙̝̖̌̉̇̀̈A̶̡̯̞̣͓̖͎̯̺͊̾͗̓̿D̶͎̟͐̌̐̀͌̏̑͆͐͜E̶͖̮͒ ̵̲͍̩̲̖͐̈́̔̽̀̕J̸̨͖̣̹̙͕̯̳͚͐͒͒̉̔̃̀͝͠O̴̧͍͎̗̪͕̭̓̊̑̽̒̋͝ͅĞ̸̛̹͉͙̹̞̱̫̈̋̀̚͘Ǵ̶̭͇̥̞̩̎̃͑̽̂̏͛̈͂E̸̯̦̐̀͛͜R̵̢̯͖̝͎͔̬̰̯̈́ [MECHANICALLY CASTRATED]
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blade_jogger
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Re: [blade-jogger] For us, it started a little backward

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As my wife and I are coming up on our third lock-a-versary, we are talking more about the practical parts of keeping me locked and recently there has been some mention of unlocking. The latest conversation was about how to best secure the keys while we travel. The only time I remove my device is when going through airport security. There hasn’t been a time in the last three years that I haven’t traveled with my wife, and usually, she just keeps the keys with her. I don’t ask where she keeps them, and she never volunteers their location. We have a trip coming up for the holidays. This year she has suggested that we get a little lockbox to keep the key safe while traveling. This sounded fine to me. But, she also suggested that maybe we should take the cage off once a year for a good sterilization and inspection. My device is easy to keep clean, with the PA piercing easy to see and ensure it is healthy and in good condition. Also, there aren’t any hygiene issues. I have to say, the whole idea makes me a little nervous. Even after three years, there is a fear that it could end after the cage is off. The idea that she might change her mind and we would go back to the way things were… scares me. I feel better knowing my keys are locked in a bank safe 35 miles away. She has never said “maybe we should unlock you,” except as mentioned above. Still, she had mentioned that she was thinking about me being inside her when she came, or she had a dream about us fucking. I let her know that she has control of what happens. And if she wants, she can take my cage off (even if that isn’t what I really want). She quickly says that those are just fantasies, and just because she thinks about it doesn’t mean she really wants it. She always reverts back to telling me that she has had enough of dealing with cocks and that she will always prefer that mine stays where it is.
I want her to have access to me if she wants. I have no desire to genuinely keep her from using her man how she wishes. But, I also want to stay right where I am. We have a robust sex life and have plenty of penetrative sex (fauxing, foxing, reverse-pegging), and maybe she knows me well enough to keep me on edge. Maybe she is testing the waters to see if I have changed my mind and want it off and to go back to the old ways. We talk a lot, and I feel like we have excellent communication about touchy topics. But, some things, especially with tight emotional strings attached, are never easy to broach. I am pondering some ways to articulate my anxiety while ensuring that she has room to express what she genuinely wants. I want to make sure we are not playing to each other’s ideas and assumptions of what the other wants.
Pondering… :!:
2 x
B̴̛̜͉̩̋̔̆͗Ḷ̸̢̡͕̯̜͙̝̖̌̉̇̀̈A̶̡̯̞̣͓̖͎̯̺͊̾͗̓̿D̶͎̟͐̌̐̀͌̏̑͆͐͜E̶͖̮͒ ̵̲͍̩̲̖͐̈́̔̽̀̕J̸̨͖̣̹̙͕̯̳͚͐͒͒̉̔̃̀͝͠O̴̧͍͎̗̪͕̭̓̊̑̽̒̋͝ͅĞ̸̛̹͉͙̹̞̱̫̈̋̀̚͘Ǵ̶̭͇̥̞̩̎̃͑̽̂̏͛̈͂E̸̯̦̐̀͛͜R̵̢̯͖̝͎͔̬̰̯̈́ [MECHANICALLY CASTRATED]
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blade_jogger
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Re: [blade-jogger] For us, it started a little backward

Post by blade_jogger »

Ah, reassurance. The wife and I were able to address my unease this weekend. I was just frank and honest about my feelings of trepidation about her removing the cage for any reason. Her response was clear and unequivocal. She stated that the following things will always be true in our marriage and I should write them on the bathroom mirror to remind myself should I start to feel wobbly again:
  • I need to accept that neither I, or anyone else will use my cock again for pleasure.
  • That my cock will remain locked for the rest of my life (except as determined, by her, for maintenance and care).
  • That I need to accept that I am a mechanically castrated eunuch that exists to serve her. (Calling me a “eunuch”, and a “pleasure eunuch” is new. Before the conversation was over she called me both her “sexual-servant” and her “pleasure eunuch” a few more times.)
She also has suggested the idea that I increase my efforts in caring for the house’s upkeep as an additional reminder of my chaste state. I am already the daily chef, but she asked that I also add the laundry and floor upkeep to my weekly list. She also added that these things need to be done wearing my micro-perforated latex hood and locked collar.
Since a reward system involving pleasure is not in the cards for me, we have devised a punitive system involving a cattle-prod and my balls to incentivize compliance. It is excruciatingly painful and a genuine disincentive. I agreed to her suggestion for the additional duties, and she added “failure to clean” to the list of shockable offenses.


We have never explicitly called our relationship an FLR. She is obviously taking a solid lead in our intimate space and our other rules look pretty female-lead from the outside. This new suggestion seems to further indicate that we are moving gradually in that direction. Additionally, the request that I sleep hooded and with cuffs was something that I initially agree to follow. In fact, all of these constraints, punishments and, restrictions were ones that I agreed to - and willingly - and I don’t regret them, I enjoy them. But, it seems I have fallen gradually into an FLR. She is doing a very good job slowly adding little bits of control… a very exciting thing if it is something she is doing intentionally. I also have to wonder; was this little wobble I had a bit of intentional bating on her part to draw me in more? I am a “tough” guy… I am a former Marine with two combat tours in Afghanistan under my belt. I am in my late 40s, but have a 6’2”, 168 lbs fame at about 10% body fat. I am the boss at work, and more of a type-A personality. My porn and D/s past, my “alpha-male” self-image, its all so incongruous with who I thought I was. So, I guess this realization that I have willingly moved toward an FLR makes me chuckle a little. The power of self-discovery and introspection… who knew!?
4 x
B̴̛̜͉̩̋̔̆͗Ḷ̸̢̡͕̯̜͙̝̖̌̉̇̀̈A̶̡̯̞̣͓̖͎̯̺͊̾͗̓̿D̶͎̟͐̌̐̀͌̏̑͆͐͜E̶͖̮͒ ̵̲͍̩̲̖͐̈́̔̽̀̕J̸̨͖̣̹̙͕̯̳͚͐͒͒̉̔̃̀͝͠O̴̧͍͎̗̪͕̭̓̊̑̽̒̋͝ͅĞ̸̛̹͉͙̹̞̱̫̈̋̀̚͘Ǵ̶̭͇̥̞̩̎̃͑̽̂̏͛̈͂E̸̯̦̐̀͛͜R̵̢̯͖̝͎͔̬̰̯̈́ [MECHANICALLY CASTRATED]
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