still chaste from the 3rd week of June. I keep thinking she's going to give in and let me have a release but she won't relent. Several times she's told me she's ready to give in because she knows I learned my lesson and then when the time comes after a few edges she shuts me down and says something like "I'm glad you really thought i was going to give in tonight. I had you so close over and over but guess what? Your going to bed frustrated yet again. Spend the night thinking about what you've asked for and what you've done to deserve it".
I'm basically 4 months into honor system now and I had though I was at least getting out in a couple months. Now I'm getting the sense that I'm easily looking at 5 or 6 more months. And if we go to 9 or 10 months I just know she's going to mess with me and make it a year. Every time I bring it up she reminds me that the book [that she doesn't know I wrote] that I pressured her to read mentioned that annual or semi annual releases are "generous". She keeps telling me if the lady that wrote that book's husband can go a year without an "O" then any man can and probably should.
It's both incredibly hot and incredibly frustrating. Some days I feel like I can't take it anymore, and others I kind of relish in it. She reminds me every night before bed that I've promised her not to take matters into my own hands and she considers it cheating if I do. I go to bed every night saying "I promise I won't".
I asked her last night after she shut me down again after a very long edging session if I still really have to wait til XMas or first week of January and she said something to the effect of (paraphrasing but basically) "no. that's far too soon now. I told you 5 or 6 months but I really can't see any good reason to reward you so soon. Maybe just try to forget about having orgasms and enjoy your edges. You should be happy I touch it at all, but I can't stop that too if you think it would be easier for you. It will come when I really believe you deserve it but you're honestly not even close and have a very very long time to go. Ask me again and I'll add 3 months to the time frame I've been thinking about."
I'm having a really hard time bc not being caged and having to fight off the urges myself is almost crippling some days. If I'm really not getting relief any time soon I can live with that but I wish she would just lock it and take away any chance I have to cheat. I don't want to fail her but some days it's so hard.
I haven't brought up the piercing in quite a while so maybe it's time to ask her again if I can get it done and just level with her that I accept she's taken control and I want to make it more official. Hell, to alleviate myself from the responsibility of self control I'd honestly tell her she can keep me in it for a year un touched if she'd just agree to let me get it done. I think it would be easier to go a full year starting now locked up than to go even another week unlocked under a promise system. I NEED her to take my d*ck away.
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