[focused] down the road we go...

A place to blog about your thoughts and experiences
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

What an exciting journey the past few weeks have been; I almost don't know where to start! I suppose I should start with the most important development.

Our conversations lately have sort of revolved around the question, 'what's in it for me?' And I don't mean for myself. She has always been, and remains, a fan of the destination and enjoys PIV as much as I do. Therefore it's difficult for her to dictate that the cage must remain on because it eliminates that aspect for her; there's no incentive for her to agree to keep it on for longer than while we're apart. Sometimes if it's late when she gets to my house after driving a couple hours, we're both ready for bed and it stays on overnight before we get started in the morning. Very seldom does it go back on after being removed until she's headed home for the week, or I'm headed back home as well. And that's fine, because it's the way we've been doing this since starting in mid-2018 so something must be working!

But trying to delve a little deeper into what exactly it is we're doing, we've been talking about answering the question and what that answer would entail. As a few have mentioned here, as long as she's getting something from this, the willingness to participate becomes more natural and not forced. Which means we both become more engaged and willing to continue. And no, I'm not talking about the 'I do all the dishes, laundry, dusting, cooking, while she gets regular spa treatments, mani/pedis and supervises my performance' type of situation. We still live in separate households, so we each do all of those things already and enjoy sharing the workload when we're together. (But for the record, I do treat her to regular spa visits...and she's well worth it! She lets me use one occasionally too!) And neither of us thinks that is what we want, nor is it what we're talking about when asking what's in it for her.

I'm referring to the Venus side of things; she wants to hear what's on my mind, have me talk about my feelings, understand why she's important to me, etc. Maybe not have so much talk between visits revolve around sex, or chastity, or things we want to do the next time we're together, or even someday later. And that's absolutely fair; I sometimes feel that our 'normal' topic can be too prevalent. We both contribute, somewhat unevenly probably, but she gives as good as she gets. Especially if I fail to bring it up after a certain period of time, so it's not totally off the table in her mind.

To that end, I've been asked to provide a little more of what she wants/needs in exchange for some of what we're doing, and maybe even more. She doesn't expect much and has even said that even just a little give on my part will go a long way, so I can do this. And want to, for more than just the obvious reason(s). It helps us grow closer, and that should be a good thing in anyone's book.

Going to pause here before going into the other things I wanted to write about, because this one is good enough to stand on its own.
3 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

There's been talk lately within our back and forth text messages about Locktober. As I was catching up last night, I saw a post that said the month isn't about not having destinations; that's NOvember, as in no orgasms for the month. The writer said that Locktober is about wearing a cage continuously from before midnight on 30 Sept to after midnight on 31 Oct. Okay, that's one take on it.

While I agree with part of a reply to his discussion, that either are what you make them, neither has to be defined by what anyone else thinks they should be. They're just names, and they can be whatever your relationship wants them to be; you can define them and that's all that matters. One responder says that to the OP about Locktober but then defines NOvember for everyone, going directly against what he was trying to clarify in the first place. Let's just say it can get confusing when we all try to do the same thing or do things the same way and leave it at that.

For my log, I track cage removal. If it comes off and goes back on the same day, it counts as a break in the duration of one wearing, but that day is included in the total count for days worn. That's how I started when I built the thing after reading about how people were characterizing their '24/7/365' wear but with their specific caveats. I elected to just keep it pure; it's either on or off. And the percentage of days it's worn is more what I'm interested in.

OK, that's only partly true. Of course, I'm curious about how long it can be worn in one stretch given all the variables for doing so such as irritation, cleanliness, opportunity, not exposing others to our 'kink' unwillingly or unknowingly through medical visits or massages, etc. So far using that method, the longest stretch was 27 days because we were separated. There was no opportunity for anything else, no reason for it to come off for some PIV because there was no V available! Thus the count continued for that entire period of time and hasn't been close since because the condition hasn't repeated itself. Our regular visits are more often than every four weeks, fortunately!

So when the Loctober conversation came up, we elected to discuss alternatives to continuous wear. Since she was the one that thought we should try it this year and I was totally for it, I offered up that she could still have her PIV but that perhaps we could consider our goal to be one of no destinations for me during the 31 day month. The discussion revolved a little around who would retain that control, whether it would remain hers or if she would sometimes 'allow' me to decide and whether or not I would be strong enough to deny myself. We've been teasing at the idea of her owning the decision, both positive and negative, about when we get destinations. Some days I think she enjoys and embraces the thought. Other days, she admits, she has difficulty telling me no. It's a learning experience for both of us; she needs to learn that it's okay once in awhile to say no and I need to learn that it's okay that what she wants is what happens.

Last night before we said goodnight, she suggested she needs to come up with reasons that would indicate to her that I don't deserve one as a way to convince herself that it's okay to do. For some strange reason, I'm interested in seeing how that plays out!
1 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

TSA.

I'm putting it up there at the very top so in the event anyone searches, much the same way I did, before deciding whether or not to travel while wearing their device they'll see this post as part of their research and maybe in some small way it will help make their decision a little more educated, if not easier.

Prior to my trip last weekend, I read the all the pros and cons people have listed and elected to go ahead with it, knowing that the possibility existed that I'd be searched more thoroughly, even to the point of being asked to go through secondary. I took the advice of telling the attendant in advance that, 'I am wearing body jewelry' on the off chance that if it did trigger, it wouldn't look so elusive and their suspicions of anything nefarious wouldn't be raised from the get go.

I didn't think, as some do, that potentially having to expose an inspector to my situation was involuntarily involving others. They're being paid to do a job they volunteered for; I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary nor were we in a private setting where anything amiss could have been misconstrued. It's a different situation than my massage earlier this month that it was removed for (and replaced before I even left the room, the shortest duration for one of those yet!)

I was prepared to remove the device and had the key in my carry on. Had they prevented me from accessing my bag during any extensive search, I wasn't sure how I would have convinced them that it could be simply removed and they could let me go on my merry way. I figured I would play that one by ear based on how the situation developed. Hopefully it wouldn't be confiscated, and I wouldn't be turned away from my scheduled flight(s).

My flights were between Dulles (IAD) and Las Angeles (LAX) and I went through the body scanner at both departure points. At Dulles, I had not removed the triple flange earplugs I use when motorcycle riding and had intended to use on the flight to try to sleep. The male attendant asked if I had anything in my pocket, to which I replied yes and he asked that I remove them and hold them in my hand for a second scan. Stepping out, I detected an outline of a body image in my peripheral vision that looked like it had the groin area obscured with a shaded circular shape. I didn't look directly at it so can't be sure, but I was told that everything was fine, grabbed my bag and shoes, and went about my business.

Knowing that the return flight at a different airport may not be the same experience, I was again ready for anything. I once more advised the female attendant that I was wearing body jewelry that may set the device off as I stepped inside and was scanned. As the scan completed and I looked for permission to exit, she asked if I was wearing a necklace or something. It seemed strange but maybe that's what she thought of when I said 'jewelry' and she didn't associate the 'body' part of the phrase with anything else. I can't be sure, but regardless I was told to proceed and again went on my merry way.

A total non-event in both cases.

My KH was nervous for me the entire time, both departing and returning and thought I was crazy for even trying. After, she couldn't believe that there was no reaction (was there no detection? I don't know about that...) to either scan but declared that if I wear it in the future while we're traveling together, she will be going through first and if I get stopped will meet me at the gate. Okay!

Just in case anyone is wondering, I am wearing the DH Gate device listed in my signature block. I think it's made of stainless steel but can't be sure. It has the standard bronze cylinder 4-pin lock we're all familiar with and that's about it.

Hopefully this will help others make their own decisions; it was a little bit of a rush to do it, but it was also a relief that everything was handled no differently than anyone else in line. Obviously there's no guarantee that the next experience will be the same, but I'm probably going to continue to wear it when traveling solo. And when traveling together, if she's still okay with it that is!
0 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

The conversation this weekend will revolve around what we're doing this month and/or next. We're going back and forth between whether the device stays on the entire time, which takes some of the opportunity and enjoyment out of it for her, or if it can come off but I don't get a destination for whatever the determined duration is, which allows her to play and use an otherwise unavailable body part, but also requires resolve on both our parts (mostly hers unless I'm given the option to decide...) to not go too far.

She said that she was reading tonight about another KH having trouble figuring out what the 'reward' was for the wearer. Admittedly it's a bit of a conundrum; is it an orgasm, or the continuous denial of one? I have some serious thinking to do!
0 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Hard to believe it's been a month already again! Our conversation ref Locktober resulted in a decision that we would be attempting to make it more about denial than chastity; as I've said before, she enjoys PIV and using her hands on me, and I very much enjoy both as well! So we didn't really worry about me getting free when we were able to be together, and because she's a very giving person (thank you!) we didn't last too long ref my denial either. Which is okay, it's all in fun and ends up being what she wants in the long run.

We had a couple weekend visits, a road trip home and back and obviously I remained locked during the week when she wasn't present, so per my numbers it was off a total of 8 nights in Oct. Went back on 31 Oct, which means NOvember is underway! Planning to have another of our periodic visits Wed, so we'll see if the trend continues. Again, her decision all the way. She knows that I would like to try going longer periods both denied and locked, but she has rather firmly reminded me in the past that if we're doing this, she gets both the NO and YES decision as to my situations. Yup, swelling time when I hear that!

Enjoyed reading the 'who knows' post information again (I think I'd read most of that info elsewhere) and we've talked about other people possibly becoming aware of what we're doing. We both agree that family isn't on that list, but others potentially are.

Always fun having the conversations and remaining engaged and in touch with how we're feeling about things!
2 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
User avatar
focUSed
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:25 pm
Gender:

[focused] down the road we go...

Post by focUSed »

Had an awesome 'weekend' together last week during my time off and her holiday day off. We were busy being domestic, I got to fix a couple things, and we spent some high quality time together. We didn't get everything done that we had planned but it was a productive visit nonetheless. And although sometimes I put it back on a little prior to getting in the truck to come home so there's time to adjust, she insisted it go back on as she was preparing to leave for an appointment...because she enjoys turning the lock and removing her key.

On my drive home she texted me:

She: 'Is everyone comfortable?'
Me: 'mmm hmmm'
She: 'K. Good'

She let me out the night I got there, so she could enjoy touching (and so I could too!) We had to be quiet because we weren't alone but it was VERY enjoyable. I was able to actually try something new for her and intend to again; I usually get asked what I did but normally it's nothing except paying attention to cues and feedback. But this time it was different and I know why so I'll be able to (hopefully!) do it again.

Later that night:

She: 'It's very lonely in my bed.'
-a few minutes later-
She: 'There are a bunch of posts on the KH page. :o '
Me: 'don't stay up reading them on a school night. it'll give you something to look forward to this weekend.'
She: 'Mmm hmmm'
Me: 'you'll have to let me know if there's anything interesting'
She: 'Oh I will.'

Which brings me to where we are tonight. She read the KH comments but doesn't necessarily agree with her perceived 'punishment' aspect of things. We both agree it shouldn't be painful, neither of us are into that. And she is of the opinion, because she enjoys them so very much, that denying my destinations is cruel. I've done self-denial and edging in the past and more than tolerated it but didn't really find it advantageous because no one else was involved. But now that story has changed.

I'm trying to help her see that she IS in fact in charge as much as she wants to be. And some of her comments lately have led me to believe that I may be in for a little more aggressive 'application' this weekend.

She: 'I shouldn't have told you to run.'
Me: 'I don't always do what you tell me'
She: 'That cage you're wearing would indicate otherwise!'

-gulp-

I may have encouraged her a little bit too much though because it seems she has returned several times to read (reread?) the KH information she found there.

She: 'I'm on the site. Are you still working?'
Me: 'no, haven't started yet'
She: 'I'm just reading about teasing ideas. There are some doable ones on here. This doesn't necessarily bode well for you, or does it?'

I have no idea what she's read; obviously there are lots of ideas floating around out there about teasing and denial so I really don't know where she's going with it. But one thing is for sure, she has some things floating around in her head that I am positive I'll be the beneficiary of!

She: 'Are you relaxing?'
Me: 'yup'
She: 'Not the way you'll be this weekend! Well, you won't necessarily be as relaxed but you'll enjoy it more.'

Going to post the next couple lines in the 'Hot things your keyholder has said!' section because they just triggered such a reaction that it took me by surprise. Even if nothing happens (as often is the case because, you know, life) she's talking a good game. And if she goes through with it, I may very well wish I were more careful with what I wished for!
3 x
Devices tried: BirdLocked (V1), CB-6000s, two DHGate devices (273 and currently wearing circular barstock ring version of the same thing)
Chastityat60
Posts: 170
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 9:54 pm
Gender:

Re: [focused] down the road we go...

Post by Chastityat60 »

I enjoy reading your posts. Sounds like a really good balance so far..
wearing a cage , for me has become a thing I do between our lovemaking. Since she is not really interested in using it , locking me , or controlling my O’s. she just waits till we agree on a day/time when we might make love. She knows I wear it, sort of expects to see it occasionally, but I won’t push her beyond that.
I try to remind myself that chastity is a me thing . Not a we thing. At least not yet..
Cheers!
0 x
Lockhubbybywife
Posts: 65
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2021 7:20 am
Last orgasm: February 15th, 2021
Orgasms this year: 12
Gender:

Re: [focused] down the road we go...

Post by Lockhubbybywife »

focUSed wrote: Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:05 am TSA.

I'm putting it up there at the very top so in the event anyone searches, much the same way I did, before deciding whether or not to travel while wearing their device they'll see this post as part of their research and maybe in some small way it will help make their decision a little more educated, if not easier.

Prior to my trip last weekend, I read the all the pros and cons people have listed and elected to go ahead with it, knowing that the possibility existed that I'd be searched more thoroughly, even to the point of being asked to go through secondary. I took the advice of telling the attendant in advance that, 'I am wearing body jewelry' on the off chance that if it did trigger, it wouldn't look so elusive and their suspicions of anything nefarious wouldn't be raised from the get go.

I didn't think, as some do, that potentially having to expose an inspector to my situation was involuntarily involving others. They're being paid to do a job they volunteered for; I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary nor were we in a private setting where anything amiss could have been misconstrued. It's a different situation than my massage earlier this month that it was removed for (and replaced before I even left the room, the shortest duration for one of those yet!)

I was prepared to remove the device and had the key in my carry on. Had they prevented me from accessing my bag during any extensive search, I wasn't sure how I would have convinced them that it could be simply removed and they could let me go on my merry way. I figured I would play that one by ear based on how the situation developed. Hopefully it wouldn't be confiscated, and I wouldn't be turned away from my scheduled flight(s).

My flights were between Dulles (IAD) and Las Angeles (LAX) and I went through the body scanner at both departure points. At Dulles, I had not removed the triple flange earplugs I use when motorcycle riding and had intended to use on the flight to try to sleep. The male attendant asked if I had anything in my pocket, to which I replied yes and he asked that I remove them and hold them in my hand for a second scan. Stepping out, I detected an outline of a body image in my peripheral vision that looked like it had the groin area obscured with a shaded circular shape. I didn't look directly at it so can't be sure, but I was told that everything was fine, grabbed my bag and shoes, and went about my business.

Knowing that the return flight at a different airport may not be the same experience, I was again ready for anything. I once more advised the female attendant that I was wearing body jewelry that may set the device off as I stepped inside and was scanned. As the scan completed and I looked for permission to exit, she asked if I was wearing a necklace or something. It seemed strange but maybe that's what she thought of when I said 'jewelry' and she didn't associate the 'body' part of the phrase with anything else. I can't be sure, but regardless I was told to proceed and again went on my merry way.

A total non-event in both cases.

My KH was nervous for me the entire time, both departing and returning and thought I was crazy for even trying. After, she couldn't believe that there was no reaction (was there no detection? I don't know about that...) to either scan but declared that if I wear it in the future while we're traveling together, she will be going through first and if I get stopped will meet me at the gate. Okay!

Just in case anyone is wondering, I am wearing the DH Gate device listed in my signature block. I think it's made of stainless steel but can't be sure. It has the standard bronze cylinder 4-pin lock we're all familiar with and that's about it.

Hopefully this will help others make their own decisions; it was a little bit of a rush to do it, but it was also a relief that everything was handled no differently than anyone else in line. Obviously there's no guarantee that the next experience will be the same, but I'm probably going to continue to wear it when traveling solo. And when traveling together, if she's still okay with it that is!
I have been through TSA recently, but I went ahead and got TSA pre-check for $85. In the pre-check line they only use a metal detector. I have a cheery keeper that is made with resin from a 3D printer and on the extra cautious side I use a plastic tag / zip lock. I didn't forewarn them and I just walk on through and there were no difficulties. Hope that helps TSA
0 x
Post Reply