[mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

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mr_faithful
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by mr_faithful » Sat Jun 08, 2019 2:56 pm

My wife has removed her IUD, so this is all real now. No more intercourse, which means no more ejaculation for me until she reaches menopause. She has mentioned the possibility that we might not have intercourse after that either, and that she thinks it is probably what will happen. More and more I believe that she is probably right. On Monday, it will be 12 weeks in the cage and I only had intercourse 3 times since the beginning of March. No masturbation since January. Actually that's not entirely true. I had a relapse in March during a business trip without the cage for a couple days. I'd sent the cage back for an adjustment, but I was on a trip so I fell into temptation at that time. Ever since, I've had the cage on continuously and have resisted successfully.

The wife had been telling me that after she removed her IUD, she was going to schedule an appointment with a Catholic OB/GYN to go over her current state of fertility and natural family planning methods. She planned on waiting a few weeks to let her body adjust, and then she would go to see them.

All that changed on her drive home from her IUD removal. She called to tell me that she realized that she didn't have to do that. I had some mixed feelings about that. First off, I had a feeling that this was coming. This is such typical female behavior, that I had to kick myself for ever thinking she was being serious about doing any of that. She was only saying that as a psychological guard against doing something that made her feel a little guilty. Once she got through that, then she just dropped it immediately and went with what she really wanted in the first place. Whatever. This is what I offered in the first place, so all that ended up happening was her stringing me along this fantasy ride that I knew wasn't real but fell for it anyway. What a fool.

But like I said, this is what I really wanted anyway so I'm not unhappy about the result. Just unhappy that I let myself get wrapped up in her bullshit. At my age and experience, there is really no excuse for going along with that childish shit. But as I have mentioned before, my moral courage is deeply flawed and corrupted. It has to be in order to let your passions overrule your reason. That's been the story of most of my adult life, but hopefully this is the start of changing that.

So I am locked up for the next several years now with no relief other than medical or practical reasons for taking the cage off. Locked up pussy eating is the full description of my sex life at this point, and might be from now until death do us part. I feel at peace, and I feel like I might have a slim chance at salvation now. May God have mercy on me.
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mr_faithful
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by mr_faithful » Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:06 am

It's been 4 weeks since my last release, and I don't even seem to notice. Since the beginning of March, I have only come out of my cage for intercourse 3 times and 2 of those were on the same weekend. That was a month ago. I get aroused in the cage, but I have already worked out how to turn that off when I need to and settle back down.

On a walk last night, I mentioned the 4 week mark and she told me that she didn't even think about that anymore. She has already moved on past any thought of release from the cage, and told me that the soonest we can reconsider this is after she reaches menopause in 10 years or so. Who knows when her menopause will actually happen, she is 45 now, but it could be 10 years. And even then, she just says we can think about it then, but no guarantees. She is very committed to this now.

I really have no opinion on that at this point, and I even got a little aroused as she was saying that to me. I think it makes the most sense. It's a very simple and straightforward plan, and I appreciate that a lot. No guessing involved and I'm just at peace with not even having to think about it anymore.

I do find it very satisfying to drive past all the strip clubs and massage parlors I used to patronize. I don't even feel the temptation anymore, and that feels so good. I feel very happy to notice that in myself now. I think it was Friday morning that I was feeling a little claustrophobic in the cage because my balls were burning a bit, but an hour or so later I had distracted myself enough that they had relaxed and I couldn't have been happier with my situation than at that moment. This has been the best thing that could have happened to me, and I wish I could bottle up that feeling of satisfaction I had at that moment. I'm going to have to remind myself of that a lot over the next phase of my life. I'm looking forward to it.
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mr_faithful
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by mr_faithful » Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:10 pm

Today marks 60 days of straight denial. I only realized it when I started counting to answer a question someone posted on the main forum. It struck me that it is strange that I am not keeping up with that very much, but I think it goes to show where my head is at. I know the earliest date of release is at least a year away, since menopause is marked by 12 months with no period, so why bother keeping a counter running? I certainly figure it out from time to time just to know and take stock of my mental, physical, and spiritual state. I think it's important to monitor all of that anyway, but especially when fasting or denying oneself any physical impulse.

Not much has really changed, since I last wrote, with regards to the caging. The only issues I deal with are that it twists around in my pants during the day, so I am having to re-center the lock portion from time to time. It depends on what pair of pants I am wearing. Some pairs don't do it much at all, but other pairs require a constant self-check and that is annoying. After looking into it, I started to consider going with something like the Nub since the reports of it are that it is pretty comfortable. But I don't really like the plastic concept because of the added hygiene maintenance due to the lack of air getting to it. I am wearing an open cage that is easily cleaned in the shower and doesn't require any removal to get everywhere with lather. So I tend to believe that the twisting cage is, overall, less annoying than daily removal for cleaning. I'm away from home for several days at a time, so taking it off by myself would be a little counter-productive. I think I keep the twisting open steel for now.

As far as the original goal of abstaining from sexual activity, so that my wife would feel free to remove her IUD and reconcile with the Church, it has been totally accomplished. For that, I am most thankful, and I feel very good about that. As a side effect of that, I have also been pulled into reconciling with the Church now that I feel I have some better control over myself. I never really felt like I could ever do that before, because I thought my sinful ways rendered me hopeless. That was totally wrong. As I've been pulled back to the Church I have been re-learning the catechism, the real catechism, about the sacraments. It helps that I have found a much more traditional church that practices the true faith I remember. I've never seen so many people standing in line for confession before mass. After my experience quitting masturbation without a device and just prayer alone, which I wrote about earlier, I can see the workings of grace a little better. It isn't a "feeling" or anything inexplicable, it's that I understand the reasons now after having experienced the suffering of sin. It all makes much more sense. Why masturbation offends God, and how that is related to other unnatural acts, etc. In other words, I now understand that grace and faith are not feelings, but actually knowing things. I'm still not pure or perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm a great deal better and it is getting easier and easier to let go of temptations of flesh. That is grace, and it is very welcome. I hope I can stay in good graces, because the devil never rests, for he knows that his time is short.
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wishful4
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by wishful4 » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:45 pm

I am following your journey with interest. Not for the religious angle, but for the physical and psychological effects of long term chastity. I have written several stories about it and have experienced several months of lockdown myself. Most of us males are wired the same, and during my chastity periods, there were times when I experienced "moments of desperation", for lack of a better term. I felt I had had enough and had to get out of the device and self pleasure. Once I recognized it, I tried to come up with ways to deal with it when it occurred. I was successful only when I involved my spouse. First, I talked with her about what I was feeling and made sure she understood what I was feeling. I then asked her to help me deal with the feelings short of releasing me. My spouse was very supportive and helped by giving me chores to do, letting me pleasure her, cuddling and talking, or something along those lines. I was and still am convinced it's not something you can or should deal with all alone. Having said all this, have you had these issues and, if you have, what steps have you taken to deal with them?
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mr_faithful
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by mr_faithful » Sat Jul 20, 2019 5:55 pm

wishful4 wrote:
Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:45 pm
I am following your journey with interest. Not for the religious angle, but for the physical and psychological effects of long term chastity. I have written several stories about it and have experienced several months of lockdown myself. Most of us males are wired the same, and during my chastity periods, there were times when I experienced "moments of desperation", for lack of a better term. I felt I had had enough and had to get out of the device and self pleasure. Once I recognized it, I tried to come up with ways to deal with it when it occurred. I was successful only when I involved my spouse. First, I talked with her about what I was feeling and made sure she understood what I was feeling. I then asked her to help me deal with the feelings short of releasing me. My spouse was very supportive and helped by giving me chores to do, letting me pleasure her, cuddling and talking, or something along those lines. I was and still am convinced it's not something you can or should deal with all alone. Having said all this, have you had these issues and, if you have, what steps have you taken to deal with them?
Thank you for the good question, and the interest. I too have those moments, and I do not do it alone either. When I started this, I was having intercourse several times a week and masturbating several more times on top of that. I was a mess.

My wife was not much help to me, because she thought I was being weird for wanting to give up sex, and that going without sex would drive me crazy. It turns out that the opposite is true. I was already crazy from unchecked pursuit of passions, and abstinence has brought me some real happiness.

But she didn't know that at the time, and like you say, it is not something that is done all alone. Unfortunately for the story, this is where religion comes in. I had to ask Mary to pray for me. Her prayers brought me out of it, and I was able to stop masturbating completely. These days it only takes a one-line prayer, "Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death." I repeat that over and over and over while my thoughts are dark, and that meditation on her purity breaks them eventually. This happens less and less now. I also make sure to look away from anything that would excite those passions, because that can really start it going.

So, since I had already achieved that skill against thoughts of masturbation, being in the cage is very satisfying and I don't really think I have moments of desperation anymore. I certainly get aroused, but what I have now is too good to want to go back to any of that mess.

Just yesterday my wife thanked me again for doing this. If you recall, I wrote in a previous post that my wife is paranoid about getting pregnant again. Well, she was feeling some soreness in her breasts and immediately started to panic that she might be pregnant. Until, that is, she remembered that it had been 60+ days since we had intercourse and she had experienced a period in between. All that worry went away and she felt better. It feels really good to know things are working out like I hoped they would. I would not want to return to the mess I was in before.
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wishful4
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Re: [mr_faithful] Denied until menopause

Post by wishful4 » Sun Jul 21, 2019 6:42 pm

mr_faithful wrote:
Sat Jul 20, 2019 5:55 pm

Unfortunately for the story, this is where religion comes in.
I don't think it is unfortunate at all. As is heard from many disaster survivors, God doesn't make bad things happen to people, but faith in him gives them the strength to survive and recover. People need what they need, and your faith helps you weather adversity. One thing you said rings true with all long term locked, it does get easier with time. Wish both of you the best!
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