[belocked] What have I started?

A place to blog about your thoughts and experiences
belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

Its been a long time since my last update. All I can say is that chastity isn't enough to save a relationship. We're still together, but it's been a tough year and I still don't know if we'll save our marriage or not.

My wife isn't interested in chastity at all. The only time I used the cage was after the summer holiday. I'd put on weight and wanted to lose it but knew it would be tough. I decided a week with exercise but no booze would help so I bought a kitchen safe, set it for a week with the keys inside, and locked myself in my cage. I told myself that any infraction would mean a reset. I soon wanted out enough that I did everything I needed to get out at the end of the week. It worked great! Maybe not a typical use of a cage but highly motivational.
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johnny1
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:00 am

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by johnny1 »

Hey - I read through your journal and found it very interesting, though the last bit was a bit of a twist. Any updates?
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

johnny1 wrote:Any updates?
The marriage is recovering slowly, but has a long way to go. Chastity just doesn't seem important right now as we have bigger stuff to sort out.
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johnny1
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:00 am

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by johnny1 »

Understandable. I guess I meant to ask how things are going in general, rather than chastity-wise. Glad to hear it's headed back in the right direction. Best of luck.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

A year later and I suppose it's time for an update. Things didn't work out and we're in the process of divorcing. Very sad but not hateful stuff like some.

Occasionally I self-lock as it seems to lift my spirits, and not having erections even seems to help me sleep better. I still monitor this site and another "mansion", and I miss the thrill of having someone else take charge. I'm thinking of using my kitchen safe more to add a little spice to my life, but it's not the same. I've even just bought a Custom Chastity Saint; perhaps just a passing thrill but it will give me something to think about and try out. I'll post my views on it when I start using it.

This post is mainly to tell people that chastity isn't a guaranteed way of recovering from other relationship issues. Perhaps it helped my marriage for a while, but the problems were too deep for chastity to make a difference.

As this is my personal journey, please don't post any replies here. Depending on my mindset I may reply to any PMs, but probably not quickly. Good luck to you all in your journeys.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

A long time has passed since my last posting. The divorce took a long time and left me pretty empty, and I'm only just getting over it. COVID hasn't helped either.

I do keep locking myself at times. The duration varies between a few hours and a few days, usually 1-3 days, sometimes enforced via the kitchen safe. It's actually helped in the times when I've needed to lift my libido but I also sometimes use it as an incentive to change my behaviour. Right now the kitchen safe has the padlock keys and is counting down 7 days; if I do something (and it's non-sexual) I have to lock myself in the cage for whatever time is remaining. I'm quite strict with myself so I'll be careful not to break my own rule.

Finally I feel ready to move on with my life. Will chastity play a role if/when I find someone else? I hope so, but not at the expense of a good relationship. I'll post in the general chat pages asking some advice about life after divorce.

Please don't reply here. I may respond to PMs.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

Many months have passed since my last update, most of them with nothing new. The occasional self-locking continued but just to get a temporary kick, and it tailed off during the colder weather.

Life has changed recently though. To cut a long story short, and to obfuscate a bit too, I started meeting the friend of a friend for walks in the countryside (after all, thanks to COVID there was nothing much else to do). It was all very pleasant and then something clicked between us. I made a tentative move to test the waters in early February, sent flowers for Valentine's Day, and we both just jumped into a full-blown relationship the following weekend. Even now we can't believe how quickly it happened. She lives 90 minutes away and our work schedules are different so we only get to see each other every other weekend. That's both good and bad; bad for the frustration, but good for giving us time to think.

In early March I tentatively mentioned bondage and got the reaction "I'm not into that" but with a quick follow-up "but I'd be willing to try". That gave me hope but I just left it open. I was visiting her for a long weekend over Easter and decided to jump in the deep end by taking some cuffs for the bed and also my jailbird. I brought up bondage carefully and she said she didn't know what to do but would be interested to try. She was surprised that I had the cuffs and straps for the bed but helped me figure out how to attach them to her bed. As we finished her hand was near one of the cuffs so it just seemed natural to put it on her. She said that she hadn't expected to use them so quickly, but was perfectly willing to stretch out for the other cuffs. I kept it very gentle (and she was still fully clothed) just so she could get a feeling of what could happen. Then I let her out and we got on with other things, but I knew she had enjoyed herself and would want to try it on me.

That evening I jumped even further, but only after having spent days thinking about it and reassuring myself about her reaction to bondage. So I told her that I had a chastity cage. She had no idea what I meant and asked to see it. I got it from my bag and put it on the table in front of her.She was clearly puzzled and I had to explain how it would fit. She was concerned that it was heavy and looked uncomfortable and was very surprised to hear that I'd once worn it for a month. I also mentioned this forum (not by name) and that some of you have gone way longer than a month. She still looked dubious when I put it away but did say that she wanted to see it on me.

We were busy walking he next day and nothing new happened. The following day was my last for that visit and I woke very early. I said that I would get up and leave her to sleep, and I decided it was the perfect time to put on the jailbird. I went back to bed maybe an hour later and it didn't take long for her to find it. She inspected it carefully and still thought that it looked very uncomfortable (I was straining in all directions as she moved it around) but soon said that I should wear it until after I'd left in the afternoon. What a breakthrough!! Late morning I found myself strapped to the bed and subjected to a caged teasing for the first time in several years. It was just as good as I'd hoped. She did relent, however, perhaps because I was bulging so much, and she unlocked me and removed the cage. But she also said that she expects me to be wearing it the next time I arrive. I said that she'd have to remind me, but I said it only to see if she forgets about it when I'm not around.

That weekend turned out just as I'd hoped. She's largely new to these things (though she has a close friend with an interesting sex life) but clearly interested to know and try more. I think that I'm going to have an interesting spring and summer.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

A week later and it's a weekend when we can't meet. I've been pretty distracted at work thinking about what may happen next weekend, and I kept thinking about her saying that she expects me to be wearing my jailbird when I arrive. I know from past history that it takes time to get used to wearing a cage, so on Friday I decided to put it on with the possibility of wearing it for a week straight before seeing her again. Of course I have the keys so it's entirely up to me, but it's a good feeling to be caged on a Saturday evening.

While chatting on Friday evening I mentioned that I'd put it on to try to calm down my emotions but didn't make much of it. I was tired on Saturday morning and stayed late in bed. At one point we were chatting and I said I was still in bed, and she asked it I was still wearing the cage. I said yes but got no reaction. At least I know she hasn't forgotten about it.

Where is my mind? I'm really wondering how quickly this will all develop. Everything else has happened so fast that I might quickly find myself somewhere that I haven't completely thought through. But I shouldn't overthink and instead I should just enjoy the moments as they happen. I've restarted this journal so that I have a record of what happens, partly so I can look back but also for all of you to enjoy (or ignore). If you want to comment there's a thread in the general chat about dating and chastity where I can react.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

Still caged after 3 days so it looks like I'll go the full week and be bursting on arrival. Except that I woke stupid early tonight to find myself pumping away in the cage. Ejaculation without an erection was a messy surprise, and I could stop it easily as soon as I realised what had woken me. Cleaned up and went back to sleep.
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belocked
Posts: 235
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:46 pm

Re: [belocked] What have I started?

Post by belocked »

Things didn't work quite as planned. A minor unrelated medical issue meant that I removed the cage early in the week and had a few days unlocked and feeling less emotional (and yes, I told her). As the weekend approached I asked if I could bring anything and she said (among other things) that she would be happy if I was caged again but that I shouldn't feel any pressure to do it. So I locked up again on Friday morning and wore boxers as she also requested (never my preference).

When I got there it didn't take her too long to check and she was suitably pleased. I was excitedly swollen when she inspected it especially as she had a little play. We were going for a long walk that afternoon so I said that she would have to choose between the boxers and the cage as I find it pretty heavy without good underwear support. She chose boxers so off it came, leaving clear marks where I had been straining. I was actually pleased with her decision as I find the jailbird makes me need to pee more, especially when I haven't been wearing it much, and long walks in the countryside can be quite uncomfortable.

The weekend was great with multiple orgasms for her and a good one for me. I have a dermatologist appointment on Tuesday so there was no talk of me being caged again. But we talked lots over the weekend with her trying to understand me, and we're both comfortable enough with each other to share pretty much everything. There was the magic moment when she asked "will you give me the keys?". I answered "not now" and she replied that she hadn't expected it. I know it will happen in time whenever we're both ready. It's wonderful to think about it, but scary too.

Things are progressing well.
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