[MaybeDeniedHusband] Like I'm On Drugs

[MaybeDeniedHusband]

So I’m just really getting started with all of this, but it feels significant enough that I want to write it down—at least as the mood strikes me.

I’m a 36 year old straight-identifying married male.

I’ve always been a compulsive masturbator—at least once a day since my early teens. It very much became part of my habits for making it through the day. I’m in a creative field, and whenever I would sit down for art, I’d crank one out first. When stressed, I’d jerk off to help relieve the tension. So as my stress increased, so did my masturbation. Porn has always been a part of that for me, and I’ve explored many, many kinks. Chastity is something that has always faded in and out of my fantasy life—to the point I’ve purchased cages before—but only as part of brief solo play, and it never really clicked.

Wife is wonderful, but very vanilla. Our relationship is strong, but our sex life has become significantly less active—the pandemic, two young kids, jobs, a kidney stone that put me in the hospital for 8 days, followed by long covid symptoms that left me vaguely sick and tired for a year. I’m better now, but life is busier than ever, and our intimacy has reflected that.

It’s worth nothing, in the context of the relationship, that since my teens, I’ve crossdressed a couple times a year—not as a gender questioning thing, but as a fun, private escape from whatever was going on in my head. I did not tell my wife. She found my stuff about 6 years ago and was weirded out, but generally tolerant of it. Mostly mad that I’d hidden that from her.

She asked if I was interested in incorporating it with her and I declined... partially out of shame/embarrassment, but also mostly it’s just not something that I feel the need to include other people in. It’s about escaping my own head, not being with her. Anyway, the interest/need for doing that has decreased over the last few years. It’s not something I feel is relevant to my journey here, outside of the hurt she felt by me hiding it and the shame I felt/feel about both the activity and the hurt I caused her.

As our sex decreased and stress increased, my masturbation increased. But as my health improved, I noticed that my productivity didn't improve, and the stress masturbation had become sort of an all-consuming obsession. It wasn't good and I wasn't happy with myself.

I've looked at chastity stuff online for years, and have experimented with cages in the past but never for anything more than a play session. And I never found any cage I actually liked. But recently, I've been fantasizing more and more about chastity as a kink and a lifestyle. Last year, I saw a cobra in my size for sale and bought it. Mostly on a whim, but I was surprised at how comfortable it was.

The jerking off didn’t stop though. If anything, it increased. I’d spend longer on the toilet, take a few extra minutes in the shower, wait til after she fell asleep. I was looking at porn while I did it, and one of the kinks I’d been settling on recently was chastity and orgasm denial.

So I woke up on January 1st with the bed to myself. I jerked off… But later when I was looking at porn again, I thought to myself—why don’t I see if I can go a few days without finishing. It was fun. That weekend, my wife went down on me, and I came in her mouth for maybe the third time ever. I’ve never been quite sensitive enough to come like that regularly, so it was a surprise for us both.

She went back to work after the New Year, and—mostly as a kink thing—I decided to wear a cage while she's out of the house (I work from home). Her first week had some major unexpected distractions for both of us, but underneath it, I felt a weird energy that I wasn’t used to.

The first weekend she was home, we had sex—and man if it didn’t feel completely different than the sex I was used to having. I could feel *everything*. I did feel a sort of drop afterwords, and was a little cranky the next day. But I was touchy, and she looked so beautiful, and we ended up having sex again on Sunday, which was not something we normally did.

Her second week back, I wore the cage every day. And it was the strangest thing—my productivity and energy skyrocketed. I got up early, I got a hundred things done, I was effortless creative in a way that has always been very difficult for me.

And I was so touchy. I just couldn’t get enough of my wife (who, again, is beautiful and amazing, and I love her so much). I did everything I could to make her happy.

I'm someone that likes my recreational drugs when I have the opportunity—and that's how I felt all week. Like I was rolling, more or less. Everything was amazing, I was full of energy, my wife was so beautiful and I loved her so much. But there's also a feeling on drugs where you’re somewhere in outer space, and it feels like everyone around you knows. It’s scary, and out-of-body. I felt that, too, all week, and I couldn't tell anyone why.

But I also felt happier with myself than I’d felt in ages. Like I’d had a week where I pulled my weight fully in the relationship, where I actually was proud of how much I’d done and the time I’d gotten to spend with my family.

And so I knew that—despite how busy our lives are—I had to talk to my wife. I wouldn’t take drugs without talking to her first, and I didn’t want to hide something from her that felt so… big for me.

So I made a nice steak dinner last night. We put the kids to bed, and she came down, and we sat on the sofa and I told her what was going on. That A) I’d stopped masturbating (to completion) because it had been a problem, B) since I’ve stopped masturbating, I feel *amazing*, and C) part of the thing that helped me was wearing a chastity cage.

As I kinda suspected she would be—she was wonderful about it. She was grateful that I shared it with her, she reassured me she loves me. She was bewildered, of course. She had some questions. I was honest that I mostly don’t know exactly what I want, but I know it was something I wanted to explore.

For now, what I know is this:

I’m not interested in the hardcore versions of chastity play. I like my dick, I like using it with my wife. I like making her happy, and—as she reiterated a few times—she likes my dick and doing things with it. And I said that was the whole point, that she could do whatever she wanted with it, whenever she wanted. Or not. And if sometimes she wanted me to do something for her, she would be under no obligation to reciprocate. Or she could reciprocate and then when she was done, not have to worry about me finishing.

That part, she was interested in. She said with a big smile, "So your kink is that you go down on me more and I don't have to do anything?" And "I’ve always been worried about leaving you with blue balls, but it sounds like you want me to do that?" She definitely did not hate the idea of getting more attention.

Later, as part of more idle conversation, she said, "Well I don't mind if you jerk off but maybe you should ask for permission" and "I could give you a time limit." Just out of the blue.

For as vanilla as she is, I think it went about 10/10 what I could have possibly hoped for. We had very great sex after—I felt connected with her in a way I rarely have in the last few years.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to exploring this more, and I'm very excited to be doing it with my wife instead of keeping it secret and hidden. It's liberating.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Many similarities to what I’ve been through as well. I’m also fairly new to this journey and see a lot of my own thoughts in what you write here.
Good luck!

[denied_one]

This is a good start....a very good start!

Super enthused for you. Absolutely keeping an eye on this journey!

[Tongue+groove]

Many of us here have been in your shoes. The best part about opening up to your wife is the load that rolls off your back when she agrees to support you. I too look forward to witnessing your journey.

[MaybeDeniedHusband]

Many of us here have been in your shoes. The best part about opening up to your wife is the load that rolls off your back when she agrees to support you. I too look forward to witnessing your journey.

I think that's the biggest change for me today--having this buzz going but not feeling like I have to be secretive about it. It's removed some of the power of the feeling, but that's a good thing--I feel settled with it, instead of jumpy.

[MaybeDeniedHusband]

It's been quite a week - or half week? My head is spinning. These updates probably won't stay this frequent as things settle, but after last night...

Sunday night, she asked if I planned to wear the cage whenever she was out. I said probably, which was honest - I couldn't say for certain I wanted more than that yet. Though we didn't discuss it much, she was was very cuddly and affectionate. We had sex again, starting with me giving her a back rub and going down on her. She was more assertive than usual. I wasn't sure if she'd want more than that (she did, and I finished), but that uncertainty was thrilling in a way I haven't felt in a while.

Monday (a holiday) she went out for a few hours, and I wore the cage. It still felt nice, comforting - like a hug. I told her I wanted to wear it whenever she was out, and asked if I could keep it on when she returned. I wanted it to feel less like a secret and more like just something I wear. She was wonderfully supportive.

She emphasized that while she's *vanilla*, it's not because she's a prude. It’s “just cause [she’s] boring.” She wouldn’t mind mixing up the flavors more. And, obviously, part of the deal is she can still have vanilla whenever she wants.

We discussed her possibly seeing me in it - she wasn't ready then, but mentioned maybe one day after work…

Tuesday was uneventful. Busy when she got home, I took off the cage before dinner. It wasn’t a thing—life happens. She did make sure to mention how thankful she was that I’d opened up to her.

And then Wednesday, man… Wednesday.

She asked to see it when she got home. I was wearing it with a 3-point strap—I don’t like the look, but it’s more comfortable during the day. I dropped trou and she examined it, tapped it a couple times. Shrugged. Not in a bad way, just in a way that like she thought it was silly that I was so nervous about it.

We talked more. I explained how comfortable it was, how I wanted to keep wearing it that evening, if she was okay with it. She was supportive. But a little lost. She didn’t want to "invent the wheel ourselves.” She asked about an article I'd in our first conversation, and I sent it to her.

(https://subsouthla.medium.com/soccer-mo ... 1d0076d1c3)

Naturally, we didn’t have time to ourselves for a few hours. But when we finally did, we discussed the article. She emphasized again that she wasn't a prude like the author, but appreciated understanding more of my perspective and how this could work for us.

Then… she asked where the key was. When I told her, she said, "Don't you think it should be with my stuff, not yours?" She grabbed it, tested it in the lock without opening it, and explored the cage a bit. She asked about safety and emergency keys, liking the idea of making them tamper-evident.

We agreed I'll need a different cage for sleeping - the Cobra's lock bump is too obtrusive for cuddling. While this was just a fraction of what I'd fantasized about, it was absolutely electric.

It was, you know, a tenth of a percent of what I’ve sorta fantasized about happening, but it was electric. Jesus.

So anyway, yeah, I guess she’s my keyholder now. Four days later?

(As a side note, I have a vasectomy consultation today and the procedure scheduled in about six weeks, which will necessitate a break in our chastity play. We're treating this as a trial period with a clear endpoint. After recovery, we can decide how to implement this more seriously. The timing is frustrating, but it's a good reminder to slow down and let her lead—though, obviously, she's moving faster than expected.

If not for the doctor's appointment today, I think she might have taken the key to work with her. *shiver*)

[MaybeDeniedHusband]

Haven’t updated for a minute, but we’ve had a lot going on. A lot of it was not chastity-related in any way. Visitors, health problems in the family, work bullshit.

But somehow, through all of it, the chastity play has gotten stronger and stronger. If anything, it’s helping my wife just as much as it’s helping me. We’re both feeling very connected with each other because she’s holding my key.

We’ve still been having a bunch of sex—she says she’s thinking about my dick way more and is therefore horny all the time. (Now she knows what I’m dealing with all the time, ha!) She’s been teasing me a little, making sure to check in with the cage in the mornings and when she gets home from work. She’s been very much enjoying getting in touch with her domme side—she’s picked out a name for me to call her and a name to call me. She’s been way more assertive in bed, too.

I’ve been wearing the cage most of the time. Overnight for the last few nights (I hate wearing a strap at night, but it’s so much more comfortable with some paracord… might need to adjust sizing). I finally broke 24 hours this week. We celebrated by her unlocking me for a 3rd night in row of sex and her letting me finish. Which is great—Im not trying to rush her on the denial side of it.

But last night, she got horny in bed, and just had me rub her off. And then she rolled over and fell asleep in my arms as I strained against the cage. It was so sexy, and so frustrating, and I’ve been buzzing since then. I want her so badly, but even more so--I'm really enjoying being *hers*.

[Chosen_Jackal]

The buzzing man. The best and worst feeling in the world. Good update.

[wetpeds]

Great post! While I have tried different things recreationally, I never knew addiction until now. That is the hardest thing to get my wife to understand. I FEEL like an addict. I understand she needs me unlocked sometimes but, the lack of restriction and control…the need to be locked back up immediately is a compulsion. I have tried to describe it to her. It’s not feeling naked or exposed, it’s an anxiety. Like I am lacking something, a part of me. The first time she reached for the cage to lock me up immediately after intercourse was absolutely euphoric. I crave that feeling endlessly, more even than orgasm. I don’t think our keyholders, especially spouses, truly understand the gift they give us when turning the key. It is incomparable.

[MaybeDeniedHusband]

Great post! While I have tried different things recreationally, I never knew addiction until now. That is the hardest thing to get my wife to understand. I FEEL like an addict. I understand she needs me unlocked sometimes but, the lack of restriction and control…the need to be locked back up immediately is a compulsion. I have tried to describe it to her. It’s not feeling naked or exposed, it’s an anxiety. Like I am lacking something, a part of me. The first time she reached for the cage to lock me up immediately after intercourse was absolutely euphoric. I crave that feeling endlessly, more even than orgasm. I don’t think our keyholders, especially spouses, truly understand the gift they give us when turning the key. It is incomparable.

The feeling I've gotten every time she's locked me up right after sex is... it's like nothing else. The sense of being put in place where and when *she* decides... It's an incredible sense of safety and belonging, knowing that she's choosing something so important for me.