Took a break

[Lockedchef]

Lately my lockups seem to have been getting stretched out more and more. Not because we are pushing for it really it just has been. Life has just been crazy around here and we haven't had much time together. She is a few weeks away from finishing her Master's Degree and to say I have been busy at work is an understatement. Lots of events, short staffed, long hours, and on and on it goes. Other family obligations, life in general, you get the idea.

We are still "new" to chastity, about 6 months altogether, and still feeling out things. General I stay locked while we aren't actually together and that has been just fine. She isn't super into the whole thing still, she hides the key, likes the benefits she gets, and does it to make me happy more then anything else.

The other morning my son wanted to go swimming and with fall around the corner and the swimming coming to an end soon I was more then happy too. I'm not comfortable swimming in my Jailbird and she always let me take it off for that. I haven't know where the key was but instead of asking her if I could get out I didn't want to waste time, found the key in the first spot I looked and off to the pool I went.

Without giving it much thought I never re-locked up and just went about my day. Later that night when getting out of the shower she saw me uncaged and called me out for cheating. I simply shrugged and said I haven't done anything yet so technically I haven't cheated the system. I asked her if she wanted me to lock up and said told me it was up to me and to do whatever I wanted.

I could tell she was more disappointed at me for unlocking without asking then mad at me. We have never been strict with rules, or really set any for that matter, and I have always had this feeling she participates because she loves me not because she loves the whole concept. Well two days later I still haven't locked back up, we haven't had a chance to talk further and until we do I really don't want to lock up.

She forgets at times I'm evening wearing it which can get a bit frustrating. I ask myself why drive myself crazy only to be forgotten. Until we talk more about the "game" I'm done. I guess the whole point of this is that I was more surprised about her disappointment with me unlocking more then anything else. I didn't realize it mattered to her that much. We have a bit to talk about. I'm off work tomorrow and I hope we get a chance to figure it then. Maybe she is making a turn in this whole thing and didn't realize what it meant to her until now.

[TwistedMister]

My suggestion- lock up, present her with the key and tell her that you are very sorry that you disappointed her...then see about talking about it...

It sounds like she feels hurt, that you violated the 'rules'...and her trust, and you'll want to correct that sooner rather than later.

Just my opinion, you know her better than I do.

[Michele]

My suggestion- lock up, present her with the key and tell her that you are very sorry that you disappointed her...then see about talking about it...

It sounds like she feels hurt, that you violated the 'rules'...and her trust, and you'll want to correct that sooner rather than later.

Just my opinion, you know her better than I do.

I agree, whether you didn't really have rules, there is an underlying thing there. You should make it right sooner rather than later.

[Lockedchef]

That is the thing there isn't a quick making it right. We are very much partners and equals in our marriage and the chastity game doesn't define who we are as people. We started it, at my suggestion of course, as a way of bringing us closer, trying something new, and helping me break some bad habits. We have accomplished all of that over the past few months and like to keep playing because of the fun it can be.

My problem is the "Set it and Forget It" way things have been lately. I'm not a crockpot that can be left on simmer for days or a couple of weeks at a time until our paths cross. It isn't like we are intentionally neglecting each other or there is a problem in our relationship. Right now though the game isn't very much fun. If we both aren't into this then I'm taking the cage off. Chastity requires a lot of work and communication most people don't understand at first when they get into it. I can imagine there is a lot of pressure and responsibility in being an active keyholder for someone. Right now I don't want to force that undo stress on her if it is more work then fun. I've always been afraid of pushing her to hard and it resulting in her not wanting to do this at all any more.

For now I've taking a step back and am giving it a break. I still have certain needs and have zero desire to be left locked for 2-3 weeks at a time. Maybe in a few weeks when things get back to normal we start back up again. That is why I said taking a break and not quitting. I very much want this as a part of our relationship but there are more important things in life then this.

I do need her though to be a bit more vocal with what she likes, wants, and expects out of this. It isn't fair to be mad at or disappointed with someone when you won't tell them why. Just telling me to do what I want though and not give me a bit more feedback as to why she feels the way she does isn't good enough. She is one of those people who clam up when mad and it takes a bit of me forcing it out of her to figure it out. I'm sure we will sort it out soon.

[grubber]

Lockedchef:

I feel your pain. I have been there and done that. No bullshit. I'm no chastity guru by any stretch and neither is anyone else here. Everybody has different lifestyles and needs. From my experience, it's OK to take a break. If it is meant to be then you will be able to return to it when you are both ready for it.

When my wife and I started, it was a real thrill for me and I knew that my wife was only doing it for me. She didn't do a lot in the way of participating but she kind of liked not being pressured for sex. We went along for a couple of months like this and then after one of my releases, she never told me to lock up again so things kind of fell to the wayside. We finally re-visited chastity again after a few months and we talked a lot about each other's expectations and it's been many wonderful years living the lifestyle since. It's not always easy for us either and it isn't like we are having a hot time all the time. Life gets in the way here too. There's commitment and work in this lifestyle just like in our 34 years of marriage. What we have works for us and us only. Everyone, including yourself needs to do what works for them. There's no right or wrong way in this lifestyle.

It sounds like your wife has a crap load on her plate trying to complete her Master's degree. That has to be all consuming for her, plus raising a son and your so busy with work that things just aren't ripe at the moment for chastity and probably any kind of real sexual relations for that matter. Just one of life's pleasures.

So take your break, allow the two of you to relax a little and get life's crap in order then think about re-visiting chastity when the time feels right. There's no race to be won. Next time be the wiser and have a good honest talk with her about it so you both know what you want and expect out of it. The better you both understand each other on the matter, the easier it will help in the (renewed) lifestyle when life's crap rears it's ugly head in both your directions as it so often does.

[Tom Allen]

We are very much partners and equals in our marriage and the chastity game doesn't define who we are as people.

If we both aren't into this then I'm taking the cage off.

Chastity requires a lot of work and communication most people don't understand at first when they get into it. I can imagine there is a lot of pressure and responsibility in being an active keyholder for someone. Right now I don't want to force that undo stress on her if it is more work then fun.

It isn't fair to be mad at or disappointed with someone when you won't tell them why.

You're entirely too sensible and reasonable-minded. Are you sure you belong in this group?

[MrCage]

We took a break too. For a week we were uncaged. Funny part about the break was that I still sat to pee most of the time. Mrs Cage saw the humor in that too, saying that I'm finally getting used to it. It was a good break and then I asked if it was time to lock up. She said "yes" and I have been locked for two weeks. Day before yesterday she gave me the key from her neck in the middle if the day. She was telling me that we would have sex that night. I pretended that I left the key at work. Then I showed her it was in my pocket. She laughed and took it back. My consequence was that I blew my chance for sex. Haha ha. It was fun.

I think a break for a week after 7 months of lockup was fine.

Mrs. Cage is like your wife. I feel like I'm on the tennis court alone. Waiting for her to play, but she doesn't show up. But in time, as some people say, she will come around. We are busy with kids and work too. The private secret we have keeps us connected, and that is good. So I say, ask her if it is time to lockup!

[Lockedchef]

Well break is over. So told me to lock up the other night and I gladly did. We had a bit of talk of course about the whole thing and are back on the same page. Nothing dramatic about it really or any kind of argument. The truth of the matter is I like being locked up and waiting for her and she likes me that way. I just don't want to wait too long and be forgotten about. End of the day I just need a hug and a bit of attention, not too much to ask really.

[Lockedchef]

We are very much partners and equals in our marriage and the chastity game doesn't define who we are as people.

If we both aren't into this then I'm taking the cage off.

Chastity requires a lot of work and communication most people don't understand at first when they get into it. I can imagine there is a lot of pressure and responsibility in being an active keyholder for someone. Right now I don't want to force that undo stress on her if it is more work then fun.

It isn't fair to be mad at or disappointed with someone when you won't tell them why.

You're entirely too sensible and reasonable-minded. Are you sure you belong in this group?

You should see me at work on the other hand. Kind of a mix between Willy Wonka, Sweeney Todd, and your favorite Warner Brothers character tossed into one. Most of my cooks take turns between laughing hysterically or hiding in the corner from my latest warpath. I threatened to send a blood stained suicide note saying I couldn't handle it any more to a table tonight that complained about their perfectly prepared food they had sent back for some bullshit reason. I guarantee they would never complain in a restaurant again. I might get needlessly Baker Acted for it but as usual it was all in good fun. Just remember that next time you send back your plate because you forget to ask for you sauce on the side.

And for that reason above is why I need my wife to told the keys. Have to learn to let go and have someone be in control at times.

[TwistedMister]

LOL, I rarely send anything back, it has to be really, really bad for me to do that. I think I could probably count the times on one hand, I'm over 50 and used to eat out a *lot*. There are some things that I ask for gravy on the side because I want ketchup on the meat instead of gravy, but I want the gravy on my smashed potatoes (because, most of the time, restaurant smashies suck)...and asking for the gravy on the *potatoes only* usually results in gravy on everything. Sometimes, even asking for it 'on the side' doesn't work, and it still comes with gravy on everything...but even then I don't send it back- I just roll my eyes, mutter "Morons" and scrape it off.

I got half way thru a chicken cordon bleu one time, before I decided it was bad enough to warrant taking a closer look- the restaurant was rather dimly lit and I had to dig out a maglight to see...that it was completely raw, had never even been in the oven *at all*. *That one* got sent back- I just wanted them to cook it (just the chicken), but they ended up making a whole new plate and I had to sit there waiting while everyone else was eating.

I like watching "Hell's Kitchen", I can't believe some of the shit some of those morons...supposedly 'professional cooks'...try to send out that even *I* know is wrong.