[frmr] my life/journal

[frmr]

Well let me start in the begining

I first found out how amazing it was to masterbat when I was just 9 and have been crazy about it ever since, it has been a daily ritualy for me to masterbate and after a about a year I found I was starting to masterbate in different places like friends houses and other places. I remember i got caught masterbating by my friend while I was sleeping over at his place he scared me so much but I calmed down when he said he was the same way and couldnt sleep that night since he didnt want to wank in front of me so at this note we start to wank together this went on for every sleepover we had and eventually ended up with us starting to jerk eachother off. Well this went on for awhile until while walking down a back road we came accross a porno we got so ezcited over it and read the whole thing many times, turns out it was a bisexual porno so what we saw we thought was normal so thats when we starting to give eachother head and finger our asses which led to us banging eachother. Just after this is when I went in to his older sisters room and stole her panties I seen she had alot of different kinds so I grabed a few of them which seeing me in them drove my friend crazy and same for my self so this went on for a few years and when we were 14 he ended up moving away which sucked for both of us (no facebook to stay in contact with) so we parted ways and i then hid in the closet and acted straight since it was the thing to do but inside I have always been bi. After I turned 16 and started working after school thats when I stoped staling friends sisters panties and started to buy my own it was scary because of the looks I got but it didnt stop me.

To this day I am still wgat you call a closet bisexual crossdresser ... well from my family and close friends im not sure if I ever will come out of the closet but would eventually love to have a girlfriends that knows im bi and understands my situation as I have an old fashioned family.

As for the need to wear a chasity divice it is because of the many years of masterbating im getting minor forms of ed with desensitization and an obsession with porn which is causing me to have soft erections to the point when I try to insert my penis in to an orifice I am to soft to atempt it which makes me frusterated and even shyer then I am normaly.

At the moment I have the cb6k and as it is comfortable to wear it isnt quite the right fit with my penis size and the fact I have the turtle effect, so this is why I ordered the cb6ks to hopefelly solve that issue.

I wore my cb for 5 days with the feeling I was going to go thw long haul but as I was sleeping the other night I poped out the back of the cage when I awoke and in my half asleep state in the middle of the night I started to masterbate as it felt amazing and it was the biggest load I have had in years ( hit the wall above my head) it made me feel defeated and made my keyholder mad aswell it was a relaps that I hope the 6ks helps out to make sure it doesnt happen again, I also ordered the antislip divive from kept4hersextoys.com to see if it will help further with it

As of now I restarted my day count back to zero that relaps day so now I am on day 2 I hope that writing this blog will help curb my craving and appetite for masterbation

Thanks for reading this and I hope I didnt offend you with my life story ... we were just verry impressionable kids and didnt know it was a bad thing, they never said that friends were bad, the said dont tust strangers ... that kinda went to our heads. I will admit writing this down has lifted a wieght off my chest that I have had for awhile now

Until next time
Kcco my friends

[coffee2sugars]

Its always good to read other peoples stories and how they got started. Good luck with the new chastity device.

If you are still getting free after that have you considered a P.A device. I am currently waiting on my looker 03 hoping escape is imposible.

[frmr]

If you are still getting free after that have you considered a P.A device. I am currently waiting on my looker 03 hoping escape is imposible.[/quote]

Ummm sorry but I get all queezey when it comes to piecings even normal ones... I dont think there will be anyway I could put a 3rd hole in my body lol

So anyways I think I have to reduce the size om the base ring for my divice because I had to work under my water truck at work and as I rolled over I painfully popped one of my balls out and it felt as bad as getting hit in the nuts... which when I got home and took the divice off to reset it I started getting hard and wouldnt go down... I felt like I was 14 again because I tried to resist masterbating but my dick stayed hard for hours (natrally which im proud to say) so I had to masterbate in order to calm the beast just to be able to put the divice back on so I reset my days back to 0 again and I wont be home till thursday to make any modifications as I forgot to bring my stuff to camp

You know what that night I was thinking that night that I wrote my story and I remembered another crazy happening that has happened to me when i was 13...
My mom was a babysitter for a few of my cousins and her friends well one night I was sleepig in my room (naked of course I cant sleep with clothes on) and one of my moms friends daughter (who was 10) snuck out of bed and came in to my room while I was sleeping I guess she had a bad dream and at this point I had a raging nocturnal erection going and this intrigued her I guess as she slip my covers off and started to play with my penis, she must have had known some one that talked about oral sex because here I wake up to her giving me a blow job 0.o I was shocked and wanted her to stop but she didnt want to and said shhh I wont tell if u dont. So... I didnt know what to do other than let her kkeep going or get in trouble for somethig I didnt even start (it always seemed to work that way) so I just layed back and took it feeling bad and great at the same time, it made me think she has gone thru the same thing I did when I was 9 with my friend but anyways she kept sucking and jacking me off untill I came a huge load that she couldnt hold it all in her mouth then she kept sucking and just torchering me since I penis was super sensitive after cumming and she giggled and that was it ... she went back to her room and went to sleep ... well I couldnt sleep and was up all night trying to figure out what just happened

Now lets get this straight I would never go and hurt or ruin a kids life but this all happened when I was a kid and didnt know what to do about it I have no feelings toward kids other then being the big brother/fatherly figure but I just think I I came in contact with a few disturbed youth as I was but I seem to have turned out quite alright as an adult

[frmr]

Oh and I thank you admin for moving my journal to where it nelongs much appreciated

[frmr]

SO I am on day 2 without having an o and im already feeling the stress of not doing anythig about the feelings I am having internally and externally I know its just the start of my lock up and I am nervous on how it is going to affect my mood durasticly but thankfully I will have a month off work where I can Hide in a dark hole and figure out what will be going through my head my keyholder has told me that she may or may not unlock me for a birthday present but she said that since I had 2 relapses in the last 2 weeks that its probly not going to happen but im hopefell since it will be the longest I have ever gone without masterbating or sex, and I know its going to take a big toll on my emotions so I may be adding to my journal alot in order to help cope with my issues

[frmr]

So it bow has been 4 days and my mood hasnt been getting any better my emotions are fluctuating wildly, I guess I really had a problem with masterbating because i and going through what feels like withdrawls but I hope that time will heal this feeling that I have, it doesnt help that as I work in camp am suposed to go home tomorrow night but they have postponed me going home by another week which will put me in here for 30 days but in the end its just a short while longer, amd a few more days a a small check lol oh well back to what I was writing about I just dont kbiw how to deal with this, I was usually the type of guy that would use masterbation to "rub" the problems of the day away just like how smoking a joint helps lol but since I cant do either I have had the feelings r just rushing through me and is wondering o hiw some others deal with feelings of this sort? I found it easier to quit smokig after 16 years then I do with not touching myself.

Luckily my sleep hasnt been getting too disturbed with wearing it, I sleep almost all the way thru but if I do wake up with an erection inside the cage I usually get distracted as I am the type to rub it out to be able to go back to sleep.

Well this is all I got for today

[frmr]

Well so I made it home from work just for the weekend and my kh decided not to punish me for the 2 relapses I had but she did torcher me for friday and saturday as she made me get her off but kept me locked up which I was begging her to let me out and on saturday she wanted to tie me up nice and tight at first she tied me up with my legs spread eagle in the air so she could still sit on my face and play with my ass, She was so wet when she seen my dick trying to push thru the holes with pulses as she worked me like crazy, I couldnt say or see anything as she had me ballgaged and blindolded she wanted me to smell how wet she really was as her juices driped on my face then she got up and started to give me a rim job, I felt like I was going to expode after 8 days in the cb but then she let my legs down just enough to be able to still get to my ass but could ride me then she dragged her nails over my dick hole to tease a little more as she got excited how sensitive I was. Well this is when she took off my cage, cleaned me up a bit and sat down on my pulsing dick ... it hasnt been this hard in a long time and I only lasted 5 min till I came the first time but she didnt stop at that she kept riding me taking in the pleasure of watchimg me twitch as my overly sensitive cock kept hard she was so turned on that she squirted all over me and still didnt stop till we both came 3 more times ... omg I haven't had a session last that long since I was 16 we were going to have a few drinks that night but we were so exhaused that we just lay there twitching in eachothers arms till we fell asleep and woke up the next morning (which we had a quicky before I had a shower and she locked me up to go away to work for 10 days ... or so