[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Last night, Red surprised me.

We were just sitting on the couch. An ordinary evening with nothing planned. Then she reached over and started teasing my nipple, casually, like it meant nothing. Except it meant everything to me. She didn’t say a word at first. Just claimed me. She teased me about how pathetic I am for getting so much out such a simple thing. Then her heel pressed into my balls, pinning me down while she kept toying with me, fully in control. No escalation. No promises. Just pain, pressure, and pleasure.
And then it was over.

She didn’t break the rules of our game. She affirmed them. I can’t expect anything. I can’t beg. But she’s always free to act on her desires.
I thanked her profusely for showing me this attention.

This game we’re playing… it’s not about teasing me with chances for pleasure. It’s about making space for her to lean into cruelty without guilt. I want her to feel free to be selfish, even petty. To remind herself, if she ever forgets, that the scales don’t have to balance. She holds the weight. I exist to serve. My denial isn’t a void. It’s something she can fill with her teasing, her amusement, or her indifference, depending on what she wants, not what I need.

If she rolled another 1, it would suck for me, but it would also be another two weeks of opportunities for her. To use me. Humiliate me. Remind me that I have no say in this. That I’m hers. And that even my suffering is for her pleasure.

And then, there was the dream.

I never remember my dreams, but I remembered this one I had last night. In the dream I walked into the bedroom late at night and found Red taking care of herself with her vibrator. I interrupted her. She was angry with me for doing it and rightly so. She told me to get out, said I was useless anyway, and not to come back to bed that night.

I felt ashamed. Like I’d failed. Like I was nothing.

And yet… I also felt happy. Not because she rejected me, but because she did it so effortlessly. As if it was obvious she didn’t need me. That dismissal felt like the truest kind of ownership. She didn’t need to punish me or make a scene. She just made me irrelevant.

That feeling of being set aside, not out of malice but indifference, is still with me now.

If this dream means anything, it’s that our dynamic isn’t just something I practice. It’s becoming part of me. Settling into my subconscious. And I want to go further.

I want to belong to her more deeply.
I want her to feel free to use me or ignore me without explanation.
I want her to feel powerful and never once guilty.

And I want to keep showing up.

[Tongue+groove]

The freedom to feel selfish and that the scales don’t have to balance were the toughest hurdles for Mrs. G to overcome. Some days they still are, it’s all in the journey.

Your game may be something I need to consider.

[Chosen_Jackal]

It’s way too early for me to say anything about how Red feels about it, but it’s doing exact what I hoped it would for me so far.
It’s removed the “what if” from my mind, thus allowing me to just be present.

Before noon today I’ve already had the honor of going down on her and she’s fondled my balls and played with my nipples.
I can’t expect or beg for anything and that makes me really appreciative of any interaction she has with me.

[Chosen_Jackal]

She added a week.

She added a week…
Just like that.

And I can’t even complain, because (a.) this is what I’ve wanted all along. Her to be more strict and dominant.
And (b.) I see in hindsight that I asked for it.

We were at a family gathering where we celebrated my twin aunts turning 70 today.
At one point I saw that some of my friends had sent me a message, asking if I was free to play online with them later today.
It’s been quite a while so I asked Red out loud, in a playful tone, if I could please be allowed to play with my friends later.

In front of everyone.

I see now that I put her on the spot. It was never my intention, but that’s doesn’t matter. She felt she had to say yes.
I’ve learned later that she would have said yes anyway.

A few hours later we were walking the dog and she brought it up.
She wasn’t mad, but she said I’d put her in the spot.
I found it funny, so I laughed when she pointed it out. Too loud for her taste, so she rapidly told me that’s another week until we roll again.
I shut up immediately.
I wasn’t mad or even upset.
I could find no fault in her reasoning. And I was turned on. Immensely.
I thanked her and apologized for the way I asked her in front of everyone.

I feel it’s important to repeat that she’s not angry with me, but she felt my actions needed a consequence.
This means that my next chance of rolling the die to see what will happen is August 1st.

God I love this woman.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I’m not complaining.
Not at all.
But she’s setting a hard pace for me considering it’s over three and a half weeks (minimum) until I can even hope for any stimulation or sexual pleasure.
Yeah, like I mentioned, she added another week.

But Red being Red means she’s not restricting herself in any way.
And her definition of what I get is completely hers to define.
Technically, I’m only barred from expecting anything. Or asking. Or begging.
She, on the other hand, is free to do whatever she wants.

And last night?
A day full of teasing ended with us in bed, where she licked lazily at my cock through the bars of my cage and muttered, “I spoil you.”
Then, almost as if she’d convinced herself otherwise, she started slapping my balls.
Harder than before.
She kept it up for a while before checking in:
“How you doing?”
I told her, truthfully, I was doing better than I expected.
She grinned. “How many hits was that?”
I hadn’t been counting. I didn’t know I was supposed to.
“Let’s say you can take fifteen, then. Now count.”

She didn’t ask if fifteen was too much. Or too little.
And my first thought was: she already hit me more than that during the warmup. So fifteen should be easy.
Turns out it’s not the number that matters. It’s the intensity.

The next fifteen hits were much harder.
But I managed.
And my body betrayed me, pressing my swollen cock against the bars of the cage.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I could tolerate being slapped like that.
Now? I liked it.
In a way that felt real.
Like she was helping me face something. Strip something down. Rebuild.

It’s taken time to even be comfortable calling myself submissive.
I still run into pockets of resistance, years of conditioning about how I’m supposed to present as a man.
But I can honestly say: I wouldn’t have been brave enough to open up this way without the work Red and I have put into communication.
And her reassurance, that my submission doesn’t make me any less "manly" in her eyes, has made all the difference.

Most people in my life would probably say I come across as confident and well-adjusted.
But there’s still a lot of insecurity under the surface.
Red helps me tackle them. Head on.

We ended the night the way we often do:
With me giving her what she wanted.
An orgasm, of course.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Rough start today.
Woke up horny as hell.
I made the mistake of mentioning that to Red and she amused herself by slapping them repeatedly. Hard I might add.

Like our good friend T&G says, it’s a good life!

[Tongue+groove]

Like our good friend T&G says, it’s a good life!

[Chosen_Jackal]

Our dynamic is working well overall. Red and I are solid. She owns my pleasure, I serve her daily, and we’re closer than we’ve been in a long time. I trust her. I love her. I’m proud to be hers.

But sometimes, small things hit harder than they should.
Yesterday, it was about the cage. I had to remind her, again, that I needed to be let out for a proper shower. She’s told me before she wants to stay on top of that, and I believe her. But when I have to bring it up again, it makes something in me go quiet. I start to feel like I’m the one managing the dynamic, and that pulls me out of my submissive headspace fast.

It’s not about the shower. It’s about consistency.
When I’m locked, I need to feel like someone is holding that lock. Not perfectly, not constantly, but reliably. When that slips, even a little, I start to question whether my submission is actually being held at all. My mind spirals. My chest gets tight. I feel small in the wrong way.

We talked. She apologized. She reminded me that she’s been sick lately and doing her best in other areas. And she’s right. She’s been more confident, more dominant, and more present in a lot of ways. I see that. I’m grateful for it.

But I also told her that this has happened before. That we keep circling back to the same pattern: something gets missed, she apologizes, says she’ll do better, and then the same thing happens again. I wasn’t trying to criticize. I was trying to explain how hard that loop is to stay inside of.
And how words start to loose meaning after a while.

I also mentioned that I wish she would take more initiative with things like rules, structure, or ideas for our dynamic. That part didn’t land well. She got upset and said it feels like nothing she does is enough. She left the room.

And now I’m here, feeling like I might’ve pushed too far, even though everything I said came from a place of love and wanting us to grow.

So here’s the truth I’m sitting with:

I don’t think she’s failing me.
But when things get inconsistent, I start to feel unheld.
And if I don’t speak that out loud, it festers.

We’re still good. I’m still hers. She’s still mine.
But today was a reminder that even when things are mostly great, the little things, left unspoken, can start to wear me down.

[Tongue+groove]

. I also mentioned that I wish she would take more initiative with things like rules, structure, or ideas for our dynamic. That part didn’t land well. She got upset and said it feels like nothing she does is enough. She left the room.

Yep saw that one coming, probably because I’ve been there. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything new,but just some gentle friendly reminders.

Remember, if I’m correct, you’re the one that initiated this chastity thing. As a result you have more consistent interest.

Then there’s the thing about how many more times a man thinks about sex than a woman does. Also you have a weighty 24/7 reminder hanging onto your body.

When I had that conversation with Mrs. G, she was suddenly ready to quit because she felt she couldn’t live up to my expectations. That was when I realized that I was becoming high maintenance for her. That was also when I made the personal commitment to never bring it up again.

Yes we have slow times when I feel horny, needy and forgotten. I keep my mouth shut and empty the dishwasher. She says, you do t have to do that, I reply but I want to. And I keep busy. In a day or two she comes around again and sometimes says ‘I’m sorry I haven’t paid you much attention lately “. I always reassure her that all is good. It’s just life.

Remember this is a journey there are hills and curves and there will be bumpy days.

Like I said I’m not telling you anything new. Just helping to confirm simple things.

I think I’ll go wash the breakfast dishes.

[gggxthree]

I always have to remember that opposites attract, therefore she doesn't think like you.

Also men are like waffles, everything is in the little squares and they don't touch, women are like spaghetti and everything touches everything else.